Love and Compatibility combats sub-drop in D/s relationships

{The predominant perspective of this blog (ALPHA & kat) deals with loving and compatible couples that utilize the D/s lifestyle to enhance their relationships.}


Anyone who has been in a D/s lifestyle for an extended length of time has heard the term “sub-drop.” It is an unfortunate consequence of too many wannabes and self-centered, immature, and irresponsible individuals testing the D/s lifestyle, often before gravitating to more extreme forms of BDSM.

What is sub-drop?

Sub-drop is a psychological occurrence that affects the submissive in a D/s partnership. It creates mental and emotional trauma that can range from brief moments of negative thoughts and emotions to long-term consequences that destroy the individual’s ability to trust and open up to others. Many subs that have naturally submissive personalities have even left the pursuit of a D/s lifestyle because they no longer felt comfortable or capable of giving the trust necessary to maintain a D/s relationship.


What causes sub-drop?

Primarily, it is the dominant partner’s fault. A Dom has the responsibility to keep the sub protected and safe at all times. And too many wannabes enter the D/s lifestyle without the proper level of maturity or required positive personal traits.

The sub turns over total control to the Dom in the necessary power exchange in D/s relationships. They trust the Dom to fulfill the wants and needs of their submissive personality, and to keep them protected and safe through it all. That protection and safety is not just physical, but also mental and emotional (as I pointed out in and earlier post called “D/s couples and safety“).

Immature dominant partners that lack many of the qualities necessary to make a good Dom inadvertently place the sub in harm’s way. These lacking traits include, but are not limited to, experience, responsibility, compassion, empathy, respect, love, and compatibility with the sub.

Subs give their complete trust to a Dom in the power exchange in D/s relationships. When they extend themselves emotionally by performing in complete obedience and submission, fulfilling every request of the Dom—often in lengthy sessions or throughout the entire day—they are mentally and emotionally vulnerable. While feeling satisfied with how they performed, even if exhausted and drained, they yearn for the rewards they have earned. And when the Dom fails to give the sub the earned praise, comfort, affection, and other rewards it creates a mental and emotional upheaval within the sub that sends them from an almost euphoric high to a depressive low: sub-drop.

Think of how awful it is for a sub (especially one that is new to the lifestyle) that has opened herself up completely to her Dom, pushed herself beyond her innermost fears and embarrassment in order to submit and obey completely, and feels a sense of accomplishment and pride in taking such a huge step in her personal life…only to have her exaltation crushed by a Dom who tells her that she was pitiful, treats her like shit, and leaves her alone to wallow in her misery.

Legitimate Doms

Dominant partners with the right personality, maturity, and experience know that they are responsible for the mental, emotional, and physical safety of their subs. They are supposed to make the sub feel loved, cherished, adored, along with protected and safe, at all times. And that goes double during times of punishment. Any Dom that exhibits anger toward their sub shows their immaturity and lack of experience. And a Dom that picks their sub apart with words has a personality flaw diametrically opposed to ever being a proper Dom. In fact, anyone without the aforementioned positive traits (compassion, empathy, respect, etc) should be passed over by any sub looking for a partner.


Love and Compatibility

A Dom that exhibits the positive traits and shows constant affection toward his sub consequently prevents any mental or emotional plunge from occurring. In other words, love and compatibility between the D/s couple naturally combats sub-drop.

My loving sub, kat, has never heard me raise my voice in anger and has never heard me say a cross word to her. She knows she is loved unconditionally every second of every day. And we have a compatibility level that is uncanny, even surreal at times. So compatible, in fact, that we’ve become firm believers in relationships that are meant to be.

It is just another of many reasons kat and I continually encourage people to establish their loving and compatible relationship before they embark on the D/s lifestyle. Find your true mate, one who is compatible with you and loves you unconditionally, and you will never need to worry about sub-drop.

16 thoughts on “Love and Compatibility combats sub-drop in D/s relationships

    1. Thank you, JW. The D/s lifestyle can truly be a wonderful journey for any loving couple, and kat and I get a thrill when anything we say helps another couple along the path.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. The way you two stress love and compatibility in the D/s lifestyle sold us on going all in instead of just testing the water. And it has really enhanced our relationship just like you said it would.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. We’re glad to hear it. Just remember to take it slow–it’s a marathon not a sprint. And never forget to love, cherish, and adore your sub, while making her feel protected and safe at all times.

        Liked by 2 people

    1. So true, Kay. Kat and I realized before we began our D/s journey that the solid foundation of love, respect, and compatibility will far outlast our physical abilities. And we find joy in the thought of growing old together, but always remaining young at heart:)

      Liked by 2 people

  1. I enjoy the way you stress respect. It’s not always present in any relationship. Role playing in bed is fun. I’ve been married for a year but have known him for ten years. I’ve recently been reading some of your poems and articles to him. It’s been lovely watching his reaction.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for such a heartfelt response. Kat and I built our relationship on a solid foundation of friendship that morphed into love naturally. And the D/s is just an extension of our personalities, but built on that solid foundation of love, trust, and respect.
      Good luck with your relationship, Rose.

      Liked by 1 person

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