D/s maintenance

Any worthwhile relationship needs to be maintained, and D/s relationships are no exception. However, as long as I’ve been aware of the D/s lifestyles, and even during my psychological studies concerning D/s, along with personal experience, I’ve noticed a disturbing trend that complicates D/s relationships that can easily be fixed if more couples spent as much time maintaining their communication, trust, and intimacy levels (all intimacy not just physical) like they maintain the sub’s behavior through maintenance spanking or corrective punishment.

Do not misunderstand; there is nothing wrong with maintenance spanking or corrective punishment, and I am a firm believer in them within the D/s dynamic if both parties agree. Unfortunately, many couples seem to feel that maintaining the sub’s behavior is the only area that needs constant maintenance. And that is woefully inadequate.

Key factors of a successful relationship, D/s or otherwise, are as follows: a solid foundation of unconditional love, compatibility, open and honest communication, trust, respect, and intimacy. Yet many couples, especially those new to the D/s world and couples that haven’t been together very long, quickly get off-track by spending most of their time and effort worrying about the sub’s behavior and subsequent punishment or simply exploring all the variations of the kink. Thus, the relationships often take a backseat to the arousal and pleasure they find in the D/s lifestyle, until one day they realize the rest of their relationship is a mess.

I have never heard of a relationship breaking up over a lack of maintenance spanking or punishment. They fall apart over a breakdown in communication, lack of trust, incompatibility, disrespect, and a loss of intimacy that corrode and weaken the foundation of love to a point it can no longer sustain the relationship. That should tell you what areas of the relationship should be considered priorities for maintaining.

If you’re willing to devote a time every week to maintenance spankings or dole out punishment whenever a behavior infraction occurs, you should equally be willing to devote a time each week to communicate with each other as well as take action whenever an issue arises before it can become a full-blown problem. If you maintain trust, respect, and intimacy through constant communication you will prevent corrosion, cracks, and weakening in your solid foundation of love.

Being a Dom

Being a Dom isn’t about issuing orders, subjugating your partner, blindfolds, ropes, and spankings–though these things do have their place in the bedroom. And being a Dom isn’t for the faint of heart; it’s a tremendous responsibility.

What makes a real Dom–not a kink-only Dom–one who can successfully guide a 24/7 D/s relationship? I imagine that every Dom and every sub has a pretty good idea of what they would put on a list of important Dominant attributes, and no two lists would be exactly the same.
With this in mind, below are the qualities that are a must in my eyes. What would be on your list?

(I use only masculine pronouns for brevity)

Is a leader–
Takes initiative, makes sure things get done, doesn’t expect or want His sub to be a mother who handles every aspect of their lives.
Is respectful–
Doesn’t belittle, degrade, or publicly humiliate His sub. Laughs with, not at.
Is worthy of respect–
Keeps His word. Proves that He can be trusted with His sub’s heart and wellbeing.
Can control His emotions–
Especially anger, which can harm His sub both emotionally and physically if allowed free rein.
Holds Himself accountable–
Doesn’t expect a higher standard of conduct from His sub than He sets for Himself.
Protects His sub from harm–
Be it from outside forces, Himself, or the sub.
Loves unconditionally–
And this needs no explanation.

My Alpha has “strong shoulders”, both physically, and more importantly, metaphorically; He bears a Dominant’s responsibilities well and without complaint, and does His best to provide what I need. I can only hope I do the same for Him.

A Dom’s sub word summary

Allow me to make one thing perfectly clear, there is nothing sub-standard about my sub.

There is no subjugation, no force of arms; she is strong-willed, intelligent, and willingly submits to me (and no other) out of love.

What we have is truly sublime from the sub-atomic level to the stratosphere of orgasmic bliss.

When I subdue her it is to fulfill her wants and needs, subjecting her to the pleasure, pain, and control she craves.

Her submission to my dominance relinquishes her responsibility into my hands to keep her protected and safe; her subservience fulfills her personality’s need to be supportive, and her subordination gives her the power of freedom to accept and enjoy her heart’s desires.

She is the sole object of my affection, and the subject of my thoughts—conscious and sub-conscious—the substance of my dreams, and I subsist and am nourished by her unconditional love for me.

For those who subscribe to the intellectually subterranean view, and wish to subvert our D/s lifestyle, or attempt to subdivide our Dominant-submissive partnership for societal substitutes, I will gladly submarine you with extreme prejudice—quite possibly with a sub-cranial wound—and permanently subtract you from every equation to do with our lives.

And I will subsequently submerge between my submissive’s thighs for a little D/s reward.

DsSummary5

Stone Cold Revenge Pt.3

[Warning: Mature Content]

[Stone Cold Revenge, done in three parts, is the sequel to kat’s Norma the Bitch.]

SCR 3

Norma had no idea how long she’d been out, or even if she had been. There was no concept of time in this world, or realm, or dimension, or whatever it was. All she knew was that the lodge interior had changed. Continue reading “Stone Cold Revenge Pt.3”

Stone Cold Revenge Pt.2

[Warning: Mature Content]

[Stone Cold Revenge, done in three parts, is the sequel to kat’s Norma the Bitch.]

SCR 7

Norma put the pedal to the metal and roared down the long drive of her estate; inheriting the wealth of four husbands had its benefits.

Wondering who could do such a thing, Norma sped toward the cemetery. A late night phone call informed her that the family plot had been vandalized and desecrated. And she just tended the graves a couple days before. Continue reading “Stone Cold Revenge Pt.2”