D/s maintenance

Any worthwhile relationship needs to be maintained, and D/s relationships are no exception. However, as long as I’ve been aware of the D/s lifestyles, and even during my psychological studies concerning D/s, along with personal experience, I’ve noticed a disturbing trend that complicates D/s relationships that can easily be fixed if more couples spent as much time maintaining their communication, trust, and intimacy levels (all intimacy not just physical) like they maintain the sub’s behavior through maintenance spanking or corrective punishment.

Do not misunderstand; there is nothing wrong with maintenance spanking or corrective punishment, and I am a firm believer in them within the D/s dynamic if both parties agree. Unfortunately, many couples seem to feel that maintaining the sub’s behavior is the only area that needs constant maintenance. And that is woefully inadequate.

Key factors of a successful relationship, D/s or otherwise, are as follows: a solid foundation of unconditional love, compatibility, open and honest communication, trust, respect, and intimacy. Yet many couples, especially those new to the D/s world and couples that haven’t been together very long, quickly get off-track by spending most of their time and effort worrying about the sub’s behavior and subsequent punishment or simply exploring all the variations of the kink. Thus, the relationships often take a backseat to the arousal and pleasure they find in the D/s lifestyle, until one day they realize the rest of their relationship is a mess.

I have never heard of a relationship breaking up over a lack of maintenance spanking or punishment. They fall apart over a breakdown in communication, lack of trust, incompatibility, disrespect, and a loss of intimacy that corrode and weaken the foundation of love to a point it can no longer sustain the relationship. That should tell you what areas of the relationship should be considered priorities for maintaining.

If you’re willing to devote a time every week to maintenance spankings or dole out punishment whenever a behavior infraction occurs, you should equally be willing to devote a time each week to communicate with each other as well as take action whenever an issue arises before it can become a full-blown problem. If you maintain trust, respect, and intimacy through constant communication you will prevent corrosion, cracks, and weakening in your solid foundation of love.

22 thoughts on “D/s maintenance

    1. Very true. We need to maintain the relationship foundation so that we can enjoy the rest a lot longer. Thank you for the response.


  1. Great post, my Alpha, with a message worth repeating again and again–the relationship and its foundation comes first. Nothing lasting can be built on shifting sand. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So true, baby. Besides, with our relationship foundation solid I can then enjoy making your body wiggle and squirm to your heart’s content… without fear of any structural damage, of course. Lol.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Great post, Alpha! My husband and I are so new to this and I could easily see this happening in the future. I will show my Daddy your post tonight. Thank your for the insight! ~ Nora

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Individual maintenance is just as important as the couple’s maintenance, especially from a psychological point of view. Good luck to you, and I know you’ll work it out for what’s best for you.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Sir says if you want a good relationship communicate, communicate, communicate! I’ll add with this respect, kindness, and love. I’ve seen those who seem to think the hot sex will fix their struggling relationship, when it’s really the foundational values they need to repair. Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It doesn’t matter how hot the sex is, without a solid foundation everything crumbles. And communication truly is a key factor in maintaining the foundation.

      Thanks, Beth. And I hope you and Sir always keep that solid foundation. It sounds like you will.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. This is a great post and I totally agree with you. We have found that the regular communication is vital to building and maintaining the intimacy and your advice is a good reminder to those more experienced as well as those starting out. 😊


    1. Thank you, Missy. It’s also good to have blogs like yours and His Lordship’s out there to show these values in long-term relationships to help the newcomers to the D/s lifestyle. Otherwise they would only have the blogs strictly pushing the kink without the relationship foundation.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. For me, maintenance spankings are just one part of a formal Maintenance Session that is founded in being the time for open and honest communication. The spanking, while present, is a smaller point to the overall session. If someone’s maintenance spankings consume the entire point of the session, then they should consider restructuring that session so that the primary focus is communication.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. As long as you find time to include communication your heart and head are in the right place. Unfortunately many couples do not, especially new couples or those just in it for the kink and not the relationship.

      Liked by 1 person

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