Missy at submissy.com recently published an interesting and thought provoking post on expectations in a D/s relationship. While she feels expectations are “a great thing” that allow you “to set standards and to measure where you are in terms of meeting your targets,” she equally speaks of “experiencing the downs of D/s” as a result of unmet expectations. And she is correct in assuming that she is “not alone” in the confusion that periodically accompanies unmet expectations due to the complexities of life and the varying wants and needs of two individuals trying to fulfill each other’s expectations while achieving their own. And she was interested in hearing from others on this issue. Continue reading “Expectations on the D/s journey”
Every individual and couple is different. Not only do they have different desires, needs, and goals, the subs equally have different pain tolerances, and the Doms have different skill levels. And there is one area that is predominantly overlooked by Doms within the D/s community, their sub’s primary learning process (to be discussed in a future post). Therefore, it is beneficial for each D/s couple to establish a Personal Spanking Plan. Continue reading “D/s: Personal Spanking Plan”
Although what I have to say can benefit all, I am primarily speaking to Doms.
There is something good to be said about traditional values when it comes to relationships, yes, even with D/s relationships. And while I have constantly mentioned a strong foundation of love, communication, and trust (among others), I would like to stress a couple more that I see lacking so much in modern-day relationships: consistency and respect.
I come from a line of very proud men, men of their word, and men of integrity.
My maternal grandfather was Native American. He endured a lifetime of cruelty and disadvantages because of a corrupt system, and was eventually sent off the reservation during the so-called “New Deal” in the system’s attempt to make him a non-Indian. But no matter what the system did it could not break his spirit. He was a man of his word, a man of integrity, and he eventually overcame all obstacles laid in his path. He became successful on his terms, not theirs. And he never had to sacrifice his word, integrity, or honor.
My paternal grandfather was the son of a soldier. His father was a hero who gave his life defending his country during World War II. And when his widowed mother ran away with every man that would show her a good time, my grandfather (as the eldest child) had to take care of his five siblings in war torn England. It was a responsibility he took very seriously. And he passed it on to my father, who taught me.
I was taught that my word is my bond, a bond far superior to ink on a piece of paper (which lawyers continually find ways around). And I was taught my actions solidified that bond. And a man is not a man if he breaks his word, shames his honor, or loses his integrity.
Though I am specifically dealing with males in this post, the continued loss of honor and integrity in our society in each successive generation takes its toll in all areas, including relationships.
My life-mate and sub, kat, is the most special person in my life. She is more compatible to me than anyone I’ve ever known. Our communication level is about as flawless as two imperfect beings can be. And I love her unconditionally. But that does not imply that we have not had bumps in the road to overcome. And the predominant reason has nothing to do with how I have treated her, but how she has been treated by other males before I came into her life.
The mistreatment by males from her past has kat constantly questioning my motives, even though she’ll be the first to admit I’ve never given her cause to question me. She knows that when I make a promise I keep it. She knows that when I say something I back it up with my actions. And she knows that honor and integrity are extremely important to me, because that’s how I was raised by male role models I loved and respected.
Unfortunately, what has happened to kat by males in her past is a common occurrence with many women. Males breaking promises, not true to their word, and saying anything just to get what they want. There are too many males that disrespect their women in numerous ways. Too many males that speak of pride, but it’s a false pride, for they lack integrity, and have no honor.
Is it any wonder that many women have trust issues? And yes, I know that many men can say the same thing for the present day lack of integrity in females. But it is our responsibility, as Doms, to fulfill the wants and needs of our subs while keeping them protected and safe. So it is imperative that we gain their trust or they will never truly feel protected and safe. And without feeling protected and safe, they will never truly open up and give all of themselves to us and the relationship. And that’s what the D/s dynamic is all about, allowing both Doms and subs to open up and freely be who they are.
Inconsistent and Disrespectful
One of the quickest ways to spot doms that are novices, wannabes, or posers is to see their inconsistency and disrespect toward their subs. And you see this far more with those drawn to the public outlets and play sessions than for those that make it their lifestyle (for obvious reasons).
Consistent and Respectful
Mature and experienced Doms understand their responsibilities as the dominant partner, and take those responsibilities seriously. They know that consistency is a critical factor in building trust with their sub. They will go out of their way to make sure their actions mirror their words. And if they do not feel they can fulfill a promise, or cannot honestly guarantee that they can fulfill a promise, they will not make the promise. In those situations, they may simply promise to do the best that they can—which subs should also do when led into an area that’s new to them (like kat does when I introduce her to a new area within the D/s world, since this is her first D/s relationship).
Mature and experienced Doms likewise show respect to and for their subs at all times; and that includes relationships where subs yearn for, and agree to, humiliation during sessions (because it is the Dom’s responsibility to fulfill the sub’s wants and needs). Subs are always to be treated with respect within the agreed upon parameters.
For those, like kat and I, who do not pretend or merely participate in the play sessions, but include the D/s dynamic within our lifestyle, respect is crucial. She is not merely a play thing brought out for sessions; she is my soul-mate, my partner, my best friend, my confidante, my muse, and so much more. And she has grown to trust me because she has continually seen my actions mirror my words, my promises (big or small) are always kept, and I respect her at all times in all areas.
Traditional values often receive a bad rap in a progressive society. But when it comes to honor, integrity, and being true to your word, men with traditional values outshine the alternatives hands-down. They treat women with respect and take their responsibilities seriously. And if you want to be a proper Dom always be consistent with your word and respectful to your sub. It will earn the trust that’s needed for a good D/s relationship to succeed.
Speak to me in a whisper
Murmuring softly in my ear
Tell me you want me, tell me you need me
Tell me all the things I yearn to hear
Speak to me with your lips
Finding mine and drinking deep
Swear you want me, swear you need me
Swear that I’m yours to keep
Speak to me with your fingers
Trailing lightly across my skin
Make me want you, make me need you
Make me crave to hold you within
Speak to me with your hand
Stinging slaps upon my ass
Prove you want me, prove you need me
Prove that Daddy takes no sass
Speak to me with your tongue
Stroking hungrily between my legs
Force me to want you, force me to need you
Force me to plead and beg
Speak to me with your cock
Sliding inside the body you claimed
Compel me to want you, compel me to need you
Compel me to scream out your name
Speak to me with your cum
Shooting deep within my core
Mark me…I want you, mark me…I need you
Mark me and make me your whore
Speak to me with your heart
Pounding in rhythm with mine
Vow that you want me, vow that you need me
Vow that you will for all time
Speak to me with your soul
Using the language of emotion
Alpha, I want you, Alpha I need you
Alpha, you have my devotion
And you do, Daddy.❤️
At first you swear you’ll never do
Anything you’d ever deplore
Until you come to realize
All is fair in love and war
I’ve spent my time in a uniform
Been ordered into “harm’s way”
I’ve fired a gun and killed someone’s son
And was glad to live another day
Days of “the end justifies the means”
I hoped never to live anymore
Till the perfect woman stole my heart
And all is fair in love and war
Something about her captured my thoughts
Out the door I didn’t want her walking
I knew I could love her forever
I just had to keep her talking
She didn’t want a relationship
She’d experienced heartache galore
But I refused to lose this jewel
Cuz’ all is fair in love and war
There was another in her life
But it was not a love triangle
He proved unworthy of her love
And true love was always my angle
He showed his love with money
Tried buying her heart from a store
I showed her true passion in action
Cuz’ all is fair in love and war
Whatever would help me I’d use
All that I have and my talents I’d give
If it meant my dream would come true
And forever with her I would live
I don’t give a damn about the rules
I’m addicted to her to my core
So I’ll do what it takes to please her
Yes, all is fair in love and war
And if someone ever hurts her
Or attempts to steal her away
They’ll feel how much I truly believe
There’s no such thing as “fair play”
I am an Alpha… and kat
Is the lady I truly adore
And I’m extremely territorial
And all is fair in love and war