Guarding Intimacy

The Sanctity of a Relationship

I have learned through personal experience, observation, and psychological studies just how important guarding intimacy is within a loving relationship. Too many couples fail to see the hazards until they find themselves on the outside looking in, and wondering, how the hell did we end up like this?

Intimacy within a loving couple’s relationship encompasses every area of their life: mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually (and that doesn’t mean strictly religious, but does include it for those who are). And to borrow a spiritual term, this area of the relationship should be considered sacred, for the sanctity of the relationship remains intact when the couple guards their intimacy from any and all outside influences. This should be done in all relationships, but is extremely important in D/s or L/s style relationships because of the overwhelming misconceptions within society.

Outside Influence = Inside Interference

When one or both partners in a relationship begin to vent to relatives, friends, co-workers, or any Tom, Dick, or Harriet that will listen, they immediately corrupt the intimate communication between themselves while opening the doors for outside influence to create inside interference.

There are also times when that interference is not sought by either partner, it comes through relatives, friends, and others who do not understand the D/s or L/s dynamic, and believe they are acting on their loved one’s behalf. Predominantly this type of interference occurs by those who believe the submissive or supportive partner is being taken advantage of by the Dominant or Leading partner because they have bought into societal misconceptions.

However, it doesn’t matter how good the intentions are, if the outsiders are not professionals trained to view both sides objectively, it will inevitably cause more conflict.

How prevalent is the problem?

Personal Coach and Relationship Expert, Chris M. Lyon, and author of Leading and Supportive Love: The Truth About Dominant and Submissive Relationships, asked the respondents to her study what were the biggest problems they experienced with their L/s relationships. She said, “The overwhelming answer—nearly 80%—answered that issues with people outside of their relationship caused the most problems for the relationship.”

This figure is similar to every psychological and academic study I’ve seen regarding the topic: anywhere from 70 – 90%.

What about support networks?

It is all well and good to have support networks in the form of family, friends, etc. However, those networks should be utilized for areas other than you and your mate’s intimate life (unless there truly is abuse going on, and then you should not be with them anyway). You don’t do you or your mate any good by bringing outside influence into your intimate space—and that means all areas of intimacy, not just the bedroom.


Kat and I continually stress communication between partners on this blog, along with other key factors for maintaining a solid relationship foundation. This is just another area where open and honest communication shines. It is a mature couple’s best weapon to guard and maintain their intimacy from outside influences as well as internal problems that may arise between themselves.

Problems or potential problems can only be dealt with when they are out in the open. Never hold back from your life-partner.


13 thoughts on “Guarding Intimacy

  1. From the very beginning of our relationship, you encouraged me to be open and honest, to hold back nothing, and you have done the same with me. Because we communicate so well, there’s never been a need to bring in other people. Communication solidifies intimacy.
    Wonderful post, Daddy. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Communication truly does solidify intimacy, especially when you find the perfect compatible mate. And you’ve filled the emptiness and voids within me that no other woman has ever been able to fill, my love.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I love this book! Sir was my first romantic relationship and he taught me the importance of talking to him instead of other people. He taught me that I should and could trust him to listen, and that our discussions can be filled with kindness and respect even when we disagree.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I totally agree. Being reserved and introspective has helped me along my life to dive in my mind and know myself first, while not letting anyone in. In this case of a relationship, as you say even much more when D/s, our doors are always locked as we need our full energy and effort just between us. Honesty and respect must be demolishing or anything else fails spectacularly as the trust between Dom and sub must be indestructible and fire-safe. Good post, most people forget about this often, surprisingly.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I completely agree that intimacy issues should not be shared with friends or family; unless, like you’ve said, abuse is happening. Invaluable reminders. Respect and communication should go hand in hand.

    Liked by 1 person

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