Emotional Reassurance: a Dom’s responsibility

Fulfilling our sub’s wants and needs, especially sexually, is an honor and a privilege for us Doms: not to mention a stroke to our ego and a hell of a fucking turn-on. But it’s also our responsibility to keep our sub protected and safe, and that doesn’t just mean physically. We need to remember their psychological and emotional stability as well. And I caution you to never overlook those areas, or get into the habit of taking them lightly—especially when you consider the fact that women, for the most part, are far more emotional than men.

Kat occasionally has some physical issues that flare up that I have to pay attention to, but nothing too drastic. In fact, she worries more about me in that area because of injuries I suffered in the military, as well as being an adrenalin junkie and pushing my body beyond its limits, with the inevitable crash and burn scenario on occasion. But I was glad I had a strong background in psychology when I entered a relationship with kat, because she’s had traumatic and abusive experiences in her past that continue to plague her when confronted with specific triggers. And even during times with no triggers present she may still succumb to doubts.

Unfortunately doubts plague many people, especially women, even without previous bad relationships, because many women have poor self-images. So allow me to stress it again, never take their concerns and doubts lightly. Never pass it off like they’re just having a bad day or it’s just their time of the month. As a Dom it’s your job to keep them protected and safe, even from their own doubts and fears. And it’s not rocket science guys, all they want and need is your reassurance that you take their concerns seriously, that you will always listen, and that you will always be there for them, and go through it with them when needed: in other words communicate and show your love.

Kat is an intelligent woman, and she knows that her doubts concerning our relationship have no basis in fact, that I have never once acted like the individuals who treated her wrong in the past. But that doesn’t make her doubts at the time any less real, and how I respond to her during these emotional periods is crucial to whether I will fulfill my job as her Dom and keep her protected and safe. And the same applies to how you respond to your sub during periods of doubt or emotional responses born from past experiences.

The biggest thing to remember as the Dom is to not get mad. Don’t take it personally. Even if she verbally targets you it is only because you’re a convenient target. You need to remember that the emotions and doubts are springing out of something in her past. And, seriously, if your ego is that fragile you obviously have some of your own issues that need to be dealt with.

Just listen to her concerns, allow her time to get it all out, and then address each concern calmly and logically. And never patronize her; remember these are valid concerns in her mind at the moment, and she will respond emotionally to how you respond to her. And do not ever put her down or belittle her. This is not an argument, and you’re not out to win. It is a discussion to find the solution to alleviate her doubts and fears. And most of that will come when you continually reassure her of your unconditional love: proving that you truly care and will be there for her at all times.

It may require you going over each issue multiple times, because emotions are not always logical, and she may really want and need your reassurance. And as the Dom it’s your responsibility to give her that reassurance, no matter how much effort it takes. So don’t keep looking at your damn watch because the big game or The Walking Dead is about to start. If those are more important to you than she is, you don’t deserve her anyway.

If you want to keep your sub happy, protected and safe, then prove to her that you do deserve her with your actions and words—show her that you care about all her concerns, that you will always be there, and you will love her unconditionally forever. And be willing to reassure her as often as necessary.

And yes, I practice what I preach, because in my eyes kat is definitely worth it. She is and always will be the most important person in my life.

14 thoughts on “Emotional Reassurance: a Dom’s responsibility

  1. When I get in a downward emotional spiral I know the thoughts are lies my brain is telling me. Logically I know I’m safe and that things will be okay but I still feel the panic, worry, depression deeply and strongly. I tell Daddy as much when I’m crying on his shoulder. Even though I know it’s not true in that moment it still feels like the world is crashing down around me. It really helps to have his reassurances and cuddles, and to know he is always there when I need him, to know I don’t have to face my demons by myself. He will help me hold them at bay until I can learn to banish them myself.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yes, you do practice what you preach, Daddy. I have been blessed to have you as my Dom, but more importantly, as my man. You are the greatest gift I’ve ever received. ♥️

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Beautifully put. My touchstone is to remember to confront what is real, but when I say “real” I mean “what she is feeling is real, whether it’s logical to me or not”. Dismissing her very real feelings because it doesn’t pass some requirement in my head to make sense to me before I will accept or even acknowledge it… shudder. That’s my definition of “you don’t deserve her” right there.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree with you 100%. And kat and I applaud You and beth for the way you’ve built the D/s dynamic atop your foundation of love (always keeping love first and foremost), which is what we stress a lot.

      And thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

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