Alpha, Dom, but not Superman?

When my second wife died nobody came around to comfort me. No one brought over meals so I didn’t have to cook, no one asked if they could do anything to help, and except for an abundance of cards with well-wishes, no personal visits at all.

Sounds rather depressing, doesn’t it? And it is. In fact, it fucking sucks! Especially since that’s not an unusual occurrence for Alphas: at least it hasn’t been in my case.

Those of you that have read this blog awhile know that I love activities that give me an adrenaline rush and that I’m a veteran. Well, I received wounds during my military service, and other injuries and illnesses throughout the years—enough to become familiar with the inside of many hospitals. And yet I can count on one hand, with fingers left over, how many times people came to the hospital to lend emotional support as I went through the ordeal.

You might be wondering if I have no family or friends. But that’s never been the case. Most of my life I’ve had a very satisfying social life.

Kat and I have discussed this phenomenon several times. She was amazed the first time I brought it up, especially when she found out even my family rarely, if ever, comes to show their support. But she has seen it since, and it carries over into other areas as well. For instance, I’ve performed in a variety of venues—shows, concerts, sports, etc—and yet only occasionally have my social circles come to support me. Yet they constantly want me to come to their homes, parties, barbecues, etc.

Kat believes it may have to do with how I present myself, or rather how strong I appear to others, which I’ve thought about many times. And it all stems from being an Alpha.

I’ve been a leader since I was young. I was the kid that beat up bullies, and kids would always open up to me. I led in sports, supported myself (for the most part) since I was twelve, and even though I was kicked out of several schools for fighting, I eventually graduated with honors and went on to college (after the military). I joined the military just after turning 17, and made the cut to be a member of an elite unit. And I could go on but it gets redundant.

I’m not bragging. What I’m trying to show is what it’s like to have an Alpha personality. I rarely, if ever, ask for help…even if I need it. And no matter how hard something is, I never quit. I’ll work till I bleed to get something done, and have on many occasions: and have challenged and pushed myself beyond my physical capabilities more times than I care to admit. I never shirk my responsibility and often take on other peoples as well (which I love to do, especially as a Dom). Again, I can go on, but I’m sure you get the point.

Unfortunately, when others see I have a strong or Dominant personality, and that I’m a rugged individualist and like to take care of most things myself, they begin to forget that I’m still human with human emotions. And there are times that I could really use some emotional support.

It feels like many people think Alpha is synonymous with Superman, but I assure you it isn’t. And even Superman had a weakness: kryptonite.

As an Alpha—along with some specific life experiences—it seemed like I was destined to become a Dom. Yet, even with an Alpha personality and considered a natural born leader (even in the military where I was promoted quickly), I still had to learn the proper skill-set for each new thing I immersed myself in, including being a Dom in the D/s world. And, though I’ve had years of experience, I do not consider myself an expert, and truly believe I can learn something new every day.

However, if someone like me—that others have considered and promoted for being a natural born leader—still has to learn the intricacies of every new task I take on, including being a Dominant, consider what it must be like for some people who do not have Alpha personalities, nor have been leaders throughout their lives.

I’ve read many blogs recently—predominantly by subs that have initiated the D/s relationship—that have shown impatience at their mates for having a difficult time stepping up into the Dominant role where the burden of responsibility weighs heavy. Or maybe their Dom has been at it awhile, but they’ve had a lapse, because pressures in other areas have taken a toll.

Do yourself a favor and cut them some slack. They aren’t Superman either, no more than I am, and ragging on them is worse than kryptonite. After all, it’s no different than when you feel out of touch with your submissive mind-set. And some of these guys have been at it such a short period of time that they probably have never gotten comfortably in their Dominant mind-set yet. They are still consciously working at it on a daily basis.

Patience, communication, and active submission (as submissy calls it) can help a lot during these periods. And don’t forget the emotional support. Guys need it just as much as gals, even if they rarely admit it.

Not Superman 2

23 thoughts on “Alpha, Dom, but not Superman?

  1. It’s a Catch-22 situation. Your family and friends need to know how you feel, but because you’re an Alpha you won’t tell them because you want to protect their feelings, so you simply endure.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve seen this before and rest assured there are some of us out there in the real world, who act just the opposite as you describe. I’ve always kept my hand outstretched for those who don’t appear to need it. They are usually the most needy.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you for this incredibly insightful post, Alpha! It serves as a good reminder to those of us newer subs who tend to push for more at a faster rate than our Dominants are ready to deliver. When I look back on how far both my husband and I have come on this journey, I am blown away. As you described above, this is a learning process. My husband is not a natural leader, and yet, he is learning so quickly what it means to lead in our marriage. And, I will focus on active submission. Thank you 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. And thank you for such a heartfelt response, and I truly believe you two will do just fine, because you had a solid relationship foundation before starting. Thanks, Nora.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. A great post with lots to think about. I can’t believe that this has been your experience and yet I do see it happening around about me. I think often if you are a naturally strong person, you will have friends who are more needy of you than you are of them. Clearly I am not an alpha, but I did find that when I needed help, that the people I thought were my friends seemed to be too absorbed in themselves to offer me any support. I realised then that actually the friendship was based on me supporting them, rather than the other way round. Thank you very much for the link to my post too 😊

    Liked by 3 people

    1. It’s unfortunate that occurs in many relationships, especially since giving and receiving support should be reciprocated. But we deal with it and move on, and hopefully eventually get lucky enough to find the right person that can make all the difference: like you found HL, and I found kat.
      Thank you for the kind and thoughtful words, Missy. And you’re welcome for the link.

      Liked by 3 people

  5. I think missy hit the nail on the head when she mentioned some relationships being based on you supporting them…people in your life were used to you being “Superman”, who everyone knows needs nor wants support or help; he always shows up in the nick of time to save who needs saving, then quickly disappears until the next emergency.
    But as you know, I’m not like that, Daddy, and I hope in some small way I can make up for the ignorance and selfishness of others. I know I will try. ♥️

    Liked by 3 people

    1. You’re the healer of my broken heart, my best friend, my confidante, my muse, the reason I awake with a smile every day, my pleasure, my treasure, and my perfectly imperfect and passionate partner in life.
      Thank you, baby.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. This is truly a thought provoking post. I like to think I would respond appropriately to someone that I sense they are going through some type of life changing ordeal. Matter of fact there as I sit here thinking, there is a guy that I worked with. He is totally the alpha male. He would say all is good in life. He does not need help. He does not need anyone. He didn’t seem to have any emotions toward anything. He seemed such a military structured individual. Every thing had to be in precise order and on his terms at work. But I always felt something was not all that he seemed. No one talked to him, he was often just the muscle on the job. But not me, I had to get to know him and after some time
    I broke through that wall and got to know him better and found out his struggles and was there to listen, support and offer some advice. Even though we do not work together now and he moved miles away, I continue to check on him and offer support.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I commend you for having the empathy to feel and look beyond the strong front. The few times it occurred in my life I can tell you it was greatly appreciated. But it was rare until I found kat.

      Thank you for the heartfelt response.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Well written as usual, but surprisingly, as a self-described Dom, you show tender feelings and a vulnerability. I thought that was wonderful. No one can function without any sensitivity whatsoever unless one is a robot or sociopath. I don’t understand people who expect to be treated with compassion but don’t have the capacity to reciprocate. You’re better off without relying on empty souls as those you’ve described. Surround yourself with those worthy of your friendship and love.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. A Dom without feelings and the ability to put their sub’s/mate’s needs above their own is merely a bully, poser or wannabe.
      As an Alpha I’ve never relied on anyone’s support; it would be nice to have if I could get it, but I’ve learned to not expect it. And as I age I’m slowly going to a much, much smaller inner-circle of friends (since the others proved to be merely acquaintances and not friends at all). And while I help kat in areas where she needs help, she’s shown me a level of loyalty I’ve never encountered before. So there’s probably hope for me yet (he says, with a wicked grin).

      Thanks, Rose.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ah, you’re also an introvert! My husband and I, too, have found our inner circles dwindling. I’m not sure that’s a good or bad thing, but it’s where life has led us. Quality over quantity, as it’s been said.

        A true partnership with your spouse or companion is a lovely place to be. Not everyone is as fortunate. Yes, hope is a good thing; no matter what our age. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

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