When my second wife died nobody came around to comfort me. No one brought over meals so I didn’t have to cook, no one asked if they could do anything to help, and except for an abundance of cards with well-wishes, no personal visits at all.
Sounds rather depressing, doesn’t it? And it is. In fact, it fucking sucks! Especially since that’s not an unusual occurrence for Alphas: at least it hasn’t been in my case.
Those of you that have read this blog awhile know that I love activities that give me an adrenaline rush and that I’m a veteran. Well, I received wounds during my military service, and other injuries and illnesses throughout the years—enough to become familiar with the inside of many hospitals. And yet I can count on one hand, with fingers left over, how many times people came to the hospital to lend emotional support as I went through the ordeal.
You might be wondering if I have no family or friends. But that’s never been the case. Most of my life I’ve had a very satisfying social life.
Kat and I have discussed this phenomenon several times. She was amazed the first time I brought it up, especially when she found out even my family rarely, if ever, comes to show their support. But she has seen it since, and it carries over into other areas as well. For instance, I’ve performed in a variety of venues—shows, concerts, sports, etc—and yet only occasionally have my social circles come to support me. Yet they constantly want me to come to their homes, parties, barbecues, etc.
Kat believes it may have to do with how I present myself, or rather how strong I appear to others, which I’ve thought about many times. And it all stems from being an Alpha.
I’ve been a leader since I was young. I was the kid that beat up bullies, and kids would always open up to me. I led in sports, supported myself (for the most part) since I was twelve, and even though I was kicked out of several schools for fighting, I eventually graduated with honors and went on to college (after the military). I joined the military just after turning 17, and made the cut to be a member of an elite unit. And I could go on but it gets redundant.
I’m not bragging. What I’m trying to show is what it’s like to have an Alpha personality. I rarely, if ever, ask for help…even if I need it. And no matter how hard something is, I never quit. I’ll work till I bleed to get something done, and have on many occasions: and have challenged and pushed myself beyond my physical capabilities more times than I care to admit. I never shirk my responsibility and often take on other peoples as well (which I love to do, especially as a Dom). Again, I can go on, but I’m sure you get the point.
Unfortunately, when others see I have a strong or Dominant personality, and that I’m a rugged individualist and like to take care of most things myself, they begin to forget that I’m still human with human emotions. And there are times that I could really use some emotional support.
It feels like many people think Alpha is synonymous with Superman, but I assure you it isn’t. And even Superman had a weakness: kryptonite.
As an Alpha—along with some specific life experiences—it seemed like I was destined to become a Dom. Yet, even with an Alpha personality and considered a natural born leader (even in the military where I was promoted quickly), I still had to learn the proper skill-set for each new thing I immersed myself in, including being a Dom in the D/s world. And, though I’ve had years of experience, I do not consider myself an expert, and truly believe I can learn something new every day.
However, if someone like me—that others have considered and promoted for being a natural born leader—still has to learn the intricacies of every new task I take on, including being a Dominant, consider what it must be like for some people who do not have Alpha personalities, nor have been leaders throughout their lives.
I’ve read many blogs recently—predominantly by subs that have initiated the D/s relationship—that have shown impatience at their mates for having a difficult time stepping up into the Dominant role where the burden of responsibility weighs heavy. Or maybe their Dom has been at it awhile, but they’ve had a lapse, because pressures in other areas have taken a toll.
Do yourself a favor and cut them some slack. They aren’t Superman either, no more than I am, and ragging on them is worse than kryptonite. After all, it’s no different than when you feel out of touch with your submissive mind-set. And some of these guys have been at it such a short period of time that they probably have never gotten comfortably in their Dominant mind-set yet. They are still consciously working at it on a daily basis.
Patience, communication, and active submission (as submissy calls it) can help a lot during these periods. And don’t forget the emotional support. Guys need it just as much as gals, even if they rarely admit it.