A Dom that doesn’t know how to serve can never lead

I recently ran across a site that made a point of showing so-called doms outrageously bullying subs through physical, mental, and emotional abuse. As someone with a background in psychology and investigations (along with being in D/s for many years) I saw nothing being done that could be beneficial. It went way beyond any kind of cathartic release. It was completely detrimental and degrading to the point that, in my opinion, it would cause far more mental and emotional harm to the subs. All it did was boost the egos and satisfy the sadistic natures of the so-called doms. And any sub that has bought into the lie that they can somehow be made whole from past experiences through an overabundance of humiliation and degradation is going to wake-up one day to find they’re far worse off now then they were before.

Wannabes and posers hear about the power exchange in D/s relationships and figure being a Dom is a perfect way to feed their egos while fulfilling fantasies. You’ll rarely, if ever, see them in loving D/s relationships. They prefer the consent and trust foundations with less emotional baggage. They often haunt public venues: dungeons, play parties, online hook-ups, etc. They like to be little dictators with lots of rules and protocols, and many reasons to be punished.

There are many similar examples in real world situations. The political dictators that rule by force and manipulation because they are incapable of legitimate leadership. Military officers, often without combat experience, that continually thrive on protocols, regulations, and an abundance of inspections, as if that will somehow allow them to be viewed as “good leaders.” Or, teachers and professors with no real-world accomplishments in their chosen fields gaining reputations for being rigid and domineering in class. Plus, other examples too numerous to mention.

Each of the aforementioned may be in positions of leadership but they are not leaders. Real leaders understand and accept the responsibility of leadership. They must serve and fulfill the requirements of their position, which includes taking care of those they have authority over.

Yes, in the D/s world, the sub must submit and obey the Dom. But the Dom has the responsibility to serve the relationship and sub by fulfilling the sub’s wants and needs while keeping them protected and safe.

Therefore, as the title of this piece states, “A Dom that doesn’t know how to serve can never lead.” After all, there is a huge difference between being dominant and being domineering.

9 thoughts on “A Dom that doesn’t know how to serve can never lead

  1. I’ve often told you how you make me feel safe. I wouldn’t feel that way if you weren’t a good leader AND protector.
    Thank you for all you do for me, Daddy. ♥️

    Liked by 2 people

  2. “the Dom has the responsibility to serve the relationship and sub by fulfilling the sub’s wants and needs while keeping them protected and safe.”
    – I ❤️ this.
    – I have a question about it too actually. How do you know what a sub needs? Sometimes even the sub doesn’t know.
    – Also, do you fear that in her relying on you to to meet her needs she will not be able to on her own in the unfortunate situation where you’re no longer around?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad you liked it, Miriam. As for the questions, and with my psychology background, they are too important to give a quick answer of a sentence or two. And, since I post on Tuesdays and Fridays, I’ll answer your questions in my next post on Tuesday the 19th.

      Liked by 1 person

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