The dictionary defines humble as: “having a feeling of insignificance, inferiority, subservience, etc.” when it is used as a noun; when used as a verb: “to make meek: to humble one’s heart.” There are other variations of definitions, but these two are the ones that speak to me.
A few days ago, I had to eat a big slice of humble pie, and I’m still feeling the effects; metaphorically, I’m still suffering horrible indigestion. And it has humbled me.
I won’t go into details (though Alpha has the right if he so chooses), too embarrassing for me to share even here where I can hide behind the veil of anonymity; but I will say I disrespected Alpha big time, and now I’m paying for it—or will pay for it. We’re in separate states right now, but when he gets home, I’m in for the spanking of my life. And I deserve whatever punishment he chooses to mete out…and probably more. But the physical punishment will pale in comparison to the anguish I feel in my heart.
I feel ashamed, embarrassed, and humbled because of what I did. And strangely enough, extremely submissive. Alpha handled the situation with his usual aplomb, never once raising his voice or showing anger; the man is the most unflappable person I’ve ever known. Yes, he let me know I had screwed up, that he was hurt, and there would be a price to pay; but he never berated me. I yearn to kneel before him, tell him I’m sorry (again), and hold out the belt to him. And when he comes home, I will do just that.
I’m not an old hand to D/s—Alpha being the only man I’ve ever submitted to—and how I’m feeling because of my horrible transgression has surprised me. Yes, I’m his sub, but I’ve never felt this level of submission before. I’ve never felt this level of reverence for Alpha before; yes, I have always respected him, but now it has gone deeper.
And I wonder why this has happened, why I feel even more deeply now that Alpha is my Dom and I am his submissive, that I am His, body, heart, and soul. Why would my screw-up cause my feelings to intensify?
I don’t understand it, but I think Alpha is pleased—not with my action, but how it ultimately affected my submission. He has always told me that he saw the submissive in me almost from the beginning, but I had my doubts if it was truly in my nature. But judging by how I’m feeling now, I have to admit that maybe he was right all along.
But it took the right man to draw it out of me: Alpha…my Dom…my Daddy.
Alpha’s response is here