Humble Pie

Humble—

The dictionary defines humble as: “having a feeling of insignificance, inferiority, subservience, etc.” when it is used as a noun; when used as a verb: “to make meek: to humble one’s heart.” There are other variations of definitions, but these two are the ones that speak to me.

A few days ago, I had to eat a big slice of humble pie, and I’m still feeling the effects; metaphorically, I’m still suffering horrible indigestion. And it has humbled me.

I won’t go into details (though Alpha has the right if he so chooses), too embarrassing for me to share even here where I can hide behind the veil of anonymity; but I will say I disrespected Alpha big time, and now I’m paying for it—or will pay for it. We’re in separate states right now, but when he gets home, I’m in for the spanking of my life. And I deserve whatever punishment he chooses to mete out…and probably more. But the physical punishment will pale in comparison to the anguish I feel in my heart.

I feel ashamed, embarrassed, and humbled because of what I did. And strangely enough, extremely submissive. Alpha handled the situation with his usual aplomb, never once raising his voice or showing anger; the man is the most unflappable person I’ve ever known. Yes, he let me know I had screwed up, that he was hurt, and there would be a price to pay; but he never berated me. I yearn to kneel before him, tell him I’m sorry (again), and hold out the belt to him. And when he comes home, I will do just that.

I’m not an old hand to D/s—Alpha being the only man I’ve ever submitted to—and how I’m feeling because of my horrible transgression has surprised me. Yes, I’m his sub, but I’ve never felt this level of submission before. I’ve never felt this level of reverence for Alpha before; yes, I have always respected him, but now it has gone deeper.

And I wonder why this has happened, why I feel even more deeply now that Alpha is my Dom and I am his submissive, that I am His, body, heart, and soul. Why would my screw-up cause my feelings to intensify?

I don’t understand it, but I think Alpha is pleased—not with my action, but how it ultimately affected my submission. He has always told me that he saw the submissive in me almost from the beginning, but I had my doubts if it was truly in my nature. But judging by how I’m feeling now, I have to admit that maybe he was right all along.

But it took the right man to draw it out of me: Alpha…my Dom…my Daddy.

Alpha’s response is here

19 thoughts on “Humble Pie

  1. We all make mistakes, kat, and it sounds like whatever transpired between the two of you, you are fully owning up to. Ultimately, it sounds like this has been a transformational event for you…which will only serve to enhance your submission to Alpha. You are a beautiful person and I have no doubt, a very pleasing submissive. I hope that Alpha is able to return soon so that the two of you can put this behind you. Take good care, nora

    Liked by 2 people

      1. That’s so…I’ve always preferred physical pain to emotional pain. Physical pain is transitory, while emotional can drag on and on.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Michael…I appreciate your kind words. I’m not looking forward to a sore butt (and whatever else Alpha may choose as punishment for my offense), but I know I deserve it. And it will help “move on down the road”.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Kat I understand what you are feeling. The remorse from our actions can often be the worst sort of punishment, its a punishment of the heart. Alpha loves you and this will pass, and the best part is you have learned something about yourself. Learning is often hard, but always worth it.
    Mignon

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you, Mignon. Yes, it was definitely a learning experience for me. And it also showed me the depth of Alpha’s love for me.

      Like

  3. What we do during times we know we’re in the wrong often establishes and defines our character better than when things are going right. You seem to be sincere and you’re owning up to your actions. I’m sure Alpha will take that into consideration, as long as you accept your punishment, and you two will move forward with a stronger bond, having overcome another relationship obstacle.

    Good post, kat. And good luck. I hope your bottom heals quickly.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you for that, JW. It wasn’t easy for me to admit I did wrong—it’s always easier to blame someone else for your own stupidity, but I wasn’t raised that way. Hopefully, soon the punishment will be behind me 😩 and Alpha and I can move beyond this.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. You can be sure that when I get home you will have to lay next to me, because you definitely will not be able to sit comfortably. But you also know that I love you more than life itself, baby. And we’ll get thru this like we have everything else.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. I appreciate the honesty in this post and can relate to how you are feeling. I think the intensity of the feeling comes because you can’t make amends. Knowing that you have disappointed someone you love and care about is always a far greater punishment than the physical one I think but it helps me to draw a line under it and therefore move on. I hope that you don’t have too long to wait until you can be together and deal with whatever took place. Good luck ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, missy…and you’re right—I can’t make amends. One can’t erase something that has been done. Alpha has forgiven me, though punishment is yet to come, but I’m having a hard time forgiving myself.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I think when he is home and has dealt with it then you will be able to stop going over it. He will make sure that you do. That is the point of the punishment really to draw things to a close. I beat myself up way harder emotionally than he will physically.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. The remorse that I’ve felt is punishment in itself, but Alpha will implement other punishments—he’s already told me so—as well as administer a hard spanking for my transgression. Hopefully then I can start to put the whole thing behind me.

    Like

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