Alpha’s Bawdy Word Play: 9th Edition

[Alpha’s modern version of Bawdy Word Play & Erotica similar to the Vaudeville & Burlesque periods.]

Never
Never betray a brother
Or French-kiss your mother
Or build an outhouse atop another

Never get taken to the woodshed
And never lose your head
And never get caught in you sister-in-law’s bed

Never sneeze in someone’s face
Never cause your family disgrace
And never tell your wife she can be replaced

Never steal, cheat, or lie
Never make your lover cry
Or wake-up from a bender in a pigsty

Never scratch an itch
If the itch is on a bitch
With a split-personality homicidal switch

Never jump to conclusions
Or get caught-up in illusions
Unless you like protrusions and contusions

Never go along with an illegal fix
Never hurt others to get your kicks
And never believe anyone in politics

First kiss
She said her first kiss on the lips
Was about as perfect as it could be
There was a feeling of bliss that aroused her nips
With a sensual wave of ecstasy
The only surprise in the blessed event
That left her emotionally spent
Was that her first kiss—
Was so far south of her mouth

Cuffed and Stuffed
All it takes is a solitary look
On a day with her emotions quite shook
Just use her
And abuse her
While she’s cuffed, and stuffed with an anal hook

Alpha’s Bawdy Word Play: 6th Installment

This is a modern version of Bawdy Word Play, Erotica, or Tongue Twisters similar to the Vaudeville & Burlesque periods.

 

Joy lost, Joy gained
A boy with a toy had hours of joy
From dawn till dusk he did play
But the boy with the toy lost his joy
When a bully took his toy away
Then a girl with a pearl that liked to twirl
Met the boy in the woods one day
Saw a tear in his eye; said, “Please, don’t cry
We can share what no bully can take away.”
“I have a lock and you have a key,
It’ll bring us pleasure and great joy.”
“What trick are you trying to play?
I see no lock or key,” said the boy.
“Not in our hands, but between our thighs
Is the lock and key that will bring us highs”
Then she gave him a look,
And allowed him to touch
Then she treated him to a taste
Which he loved very much
And his years of being chaste
Appeared to be coming to an end
As she guided his cock into her cunt
And softly whispered, “I like you more than a friend.”

Belle’s Bell
Belle’s bell is rung with dick and tongue
When on the clit it plays
But when alone there’s still a tone
For Belle has found other ways
Without dick or tongue her bell is still rung
When each musical finger strays

New Girl
My new girl is not from this planet
Her twat muscles are as strong as granite
The tight restriction
Causes fiery friction
That gets smoking hot to trot when you fan it

Massage
The closest thing to a magic love potion
Is a full-body erotic massage with lotion
You knead it like dough
Arousal ebbs and flows
And climax comes in waves like the ocean

Alpha’s Bawdy Word Play: 5th installment

This is a modern version of Bawdy Word Play, Erotica, or Tongue Twisters from the Vaudeville & Burlesque periods.

 

Nasty Nick
Nasty Nick could do a trick with his dick
That made all the girls float in sub-space
It was flexible when hard, and played the dance card
It slithered in, then shivered and quivered…
In each fem-fuckable place

A Taste of Dominance
I love to mingle my mustache with your female fleece
The perfect triangle, appearing to dangle
Just above the bud of your rose
I’ll mimic the Eskimo, rubbing nose to rose,
Enjoying the odoriferous emanation
As you shiver and shake, with clitoris awake
Then I’ll spear it with my tongue for a taste
Awakening your imagination
I’ll nibble and lick, and finger and flick
And slather your slit from crack to clit
Hot Damn! I love this part of a sub’s domination
A succulent pussy so aroused and juicy
A feast worthy of the most discerning connoisseur
Untouchable to all but me…
An obedient sub to her Dominant Sir

A Slut
A slut has a snatch that’s an easy catch
It is often given away
A slut lives for lust, with implied consent and trust
And she’s always ready to play
A slut that’s understood, thinks all sex is good
Lips, legs, and ass, just spread her
With her, sex is a drug, she wants no holes unplugged
Every session with her is a triple-header

Harry the Hedonist
Harry the Hedonist paid for a fetish rape scene
That got out of hand with extra amphetamine
Two girls made to play
Were really raped that day
In a manner most foul and obscene

Harry the Hedonist was a proud Libertine
So, he came to court with a plan to come clean
He said he was high
And both girls did lie
Now he’s serving twenty, with a butt full of Vaseline

Alpha’s Bawdy Word Play: 4th Installment

A modern version of the old Vaudeville and Burlesque bawdy humor, erotica, and tongue twisters.

 

No Wasted Days or Nights
Wasted days when nights are nigh
Wasted nights when sun is high
But never a day is wasted when
And never a night if you surely begin
To pleasure your treasure between her thighs
A kiss, a nibble, a tickle or lick
A finger, a tongue, a hard-throbbing dick
A whimper, a moan, “Oh my!” goes her cry
“To ever be without it, I shall surely die!”
If you elicit that cry, a good man you be
Just never break her heart… and always satisfy her pussy.

Karaoke
Karaoke is a joke to those who cannot sing
Some balk, most squawk, causing eardrums to sting
It’s odd how people that can’t carry a tune in a bucket
Forego self-respect, get up and say, “fuck it”
Some croak like a bullfrog, some squeak like a mouse
Some bark like a dead dog in an old haunted house
Some neigh like a jackass imitating a mule
And most are tone-deaf: I think it’s a rule
Some snort like a pachyderm with a cold in its trunk
And many slur words like a droopy-lipped drunk
Some snicker like a virgin with wedding night jitters
Others snap, crackle, and pop like they’re deep-frying fritters
And many wheeze, sneeze, and cough while the crowd does scoff
Though most never seem to notice with their heads in the clouds aloft
Perhaps that’s the secret to having fun
Be completely tuned out… or just plain dumb
Anyone for karaoke?

3 Pecker-heads
Willie, Wilbur, and Walt One-Eye
All from the same Pecker-head kin
Chose a nymph with a penchant for
Skin upon skin upon skin
Willie chose the oral route
He had a hankering for a hummer
Wilbur’s load went in the Vaginal Road
His favorite choice is a moist new comer
And Walt, who was flirty, liked it down and dirty
So, he popped the Anal Highway
The tight enough to cry way
And he spanked and beat it like a drummer

Mistaken Ex
My Ex mistook boys for men, and thought I’d be a cuckold
They came at me with dicks in hand, thinking they’d be suckled
I made them all scream
I made them all ream
Then beat them senseless with a belt unbuckled

Alpha’s Bawdy Word Play: 2nd Installment

This is the second installment of Alpha’s bawdy word play, erotica, and tongue-twisters.

 

Stroke of Luck
There is no finer nub to see
Then that which she calls her “clitty”
Nature’s nub for tongue to tease
When amorous play aims to please
Flick it, lick it, nibble, and suck
Take it as a sign of your changing luck

Nikki & Nick
Naughty Nikki seduced Nice Nick
She’d been told he had a ten-inch dick
But she learned quick the rumor was wrong
What gagged and shagged her was a full foot long
Twelve-inches long, and four-inches around
When he came in her mouth she nearly drowned
When she sat on the cock it throbbed and bobbed
Then cast her forth like a grenade when lobbed
The climax erupted like a fiery volcano
And flushed her clean like a shot of Drano
Completely satisfied, she got up to go
But Nick was now nasty, and said, “Hell no!”
Nikki awakened the beast within…
The beast that is said to live in all men
When the beast is aroused it wants to howl
It’s a hunter by nature, and goes on the prowl
It takes what it wants and wants what it craves
And those who interfere may soon reside in graves
When you awaken the beast, you play by its rules
And those that accept it will never lose
So, Nikki lay back, and spread herself wide
She wasn’t self-conscious, had nothing to hide
Nasty Nick then ravished all of her treasures
And rewarded her with a variety of pleasures
So, they became a loving couple… that lusted daily without measure

Sweet Treat
Simple Sam asked his neighbor Sally for a spot of jam
Sally gave him a spot, which was fresh and hot,
And Sam said, “Thank you ma’am.”
Sam took the spot of jam, and placed it atop his Willie Pete
Then he said to his neighbor Sally, “Now for you I have a treat.”
“A nice treat indeed,” Sally did say, as she cast her clothes away
And she grabbed the treat, in her mouth it did go,
And she did eat…and eat…and eat
Till Sam cried out, “What have you done? You ate my Willie Pete!”
“Of course,” said Sally. “You offered it…
And I’m a cannibal who loves sweet meat.”

Sad Sally
Sad Sally was sad cuz’ she had a dad
But suddenly had lost him
Daddy and Sally had a play session one day
But she did something that cost him
After a wanking, spanking, and even dildo cranking
The session was put on pause
Cuz’ a cop came in, who heard Sally’s cries
Which he said, gave him ‘just cause’
Well, Sally stayed in character
She mistook it as part of the scene
So, at the stage she was asked her age
She said, “I may look older, but I’m just a pre-teen”
The cop said it was best if she got dressed
And out of the room she did go
And from that moment on till present-day
Where her Daddy went she did not know

Billy Bob & the Bees
Billy Bob had an outside job
Working around trees and bees
Then one day while taking a leak
A bee stung him quick as you please
It stung Billy Bob on the tip of his knob
And his pecker began to swell
The sting alone went from bad to worse
And he thought he was going to hell
When he wasn’t driven insane from the pain
And the pain began to subside
He hurried home and shagged his wife
And gave her a hell of a ride
His six-inch dick had grown to twelve
All on account of that bee
And his frigid wife is now hot to trot
In fact, she’s permanently frisky
To guarantee his dick will grow
They keep a jar of bees by the bed
But they’re only used when they’re ready to fuck;
After all, there’s limits to giving head

 

Have a good day!