Taken in Hand

Ordered to lie
Facedown on bed
Blindfold on eyes
Hands tied, legs spread

Hard smack of hand
On panty-clad ass
Wanton hips rise
Lips gasp

Rough hand jerks panties
Down to quivering knees
Leather softly caresses
Please, Daddy, please…

Slap…squeal of pain
Slap…moan of pleasure
He knows what she craves
He’s taken her measure

Rosy blush that blooms
Dusky bruises that form
Will color her world
And keep her heart warm

His marks on her body
Will be a reminder every day
To mind her Daddy Dom
Or she will pay

But please tell me this—
Is a sound spanking really pay
Since she’s been a good girl
Or instead fundamental play

For kat needs Daddy
To take her in hand
To tame her wild side
And prove he’s a man

D/s: Self-Discovery after an Unhealthy Beginning (Part Two)

My initiation into the world of D/s—BDSM began with an unhealthy relationship with an older woman that lasted from age 15-17, when I severed it to enter into the military: discussed in Part One.

The relationship ended, but it was merely the beginning of my D/s journey. A journey that has spanned a few decades.

I received injuries during my time in the military that left me partially disabled. The injuries, along with the way the system constantly jerked me around, added to the anger issues I had been suppressing for years. The combination of issues made it difficult for me to transition back into society after my discharge.

One of the things that helped me through this awkward period was periodic participation in D/s. It was cathartic. It fed needs, satisfied wants, and decompressed me enough that I could keep the anger in check (at least most of the time).

Unfortunately, fate, chance, or a hell-spawn with a bad case of hemorrhoids sent a childhood sweetheart crashing back into my life.

In hindsight, I can see that I was hoping she would bring calm and a sense of normalcy to my chaotic existence. That hope clouded my mind to warning signs and common sense.

I had backed away from my faith years earlier. So, we were married in a TV station instead of a church.

Well, not only was the marriage not blessed, it appeared to be cursed from the start. And it crashed and burned within a couple years when I realized she could not stop spreading her legs for other guys, while I was working two jobs and going to college trying to build us a future.

Needless to say, when someone who claims to love you makes a habit of backstabbing and betrayal, it creates a “bad taste” in your mouth for long-term relationships. So, after the divorce I played the field for over a decade and a half before I ever considered another long-term relationship. A relationship I never would have entered into if it had not been for D/s.

My participation as a Dom in D/s encounters during this lengthy period helped me reconnect to parts of my alpha personality and belief system I was raised with. Parts of me that had been damaged as a result of the unhealthy relationships in my past.

I regained my love and respect for women, which had not disappeared completely, but had been tainted because of the unhealthy relationships. And, as a Dom, I took the responsibilities seriously. I made sure the wants and needs of the sub were fulfilled, even if it meant sacrificing my own. And when I had returned to that level of interaction, as a result of D/s participation, I knew I could once again handle a long-term relationship: the way I believe it should be handled.

The next long-term relationship turned out to be my first long-term D/s relationship since the unhealthy relationship I had as a teenager. And my first 24/7 D/s relationship.

The relationship with my second wife was very different from anything I had prior. It became evident early on that—although she had strength in some areas—she wanted and needed a lot of control. As a result of past events she literally dreaded making decisions.

As luck or that hemorrhoidal hell-spawn would have it, total control over the family was inevitable. My wife became terminally ill and fought valiantly over the next seven-plus years before passing.

It took a combination of my regained faith, the belief system I’d been raised with, my alpha personality, and my strong commitment to the responsibilities of being a Dom to endure those mind-numbing, physically taxing, and heartbreaking years. Days, weeks, months, and years that flowed together in a fog of little or no sleep. Taking care of her and her young son, running the household, and working full-time. Giving up sleep to caress and massage her for hours because it was the only way we found for her to be able to sleep when the pain got too bad. And yes, even having to find time and ways to give her pleasure—because the illness robbed her of most activities she had once done.

Why? Because it’s a man’s responsibility. And I could not be a good mate or Dom if I wasn’t a good man to begin with.

The American system I once bled for, became partially disabled for, and use to praise fucked me over soon after my wife died—and without the common decency of a kiss or a reach-around.

It was the financial crash of 2009. And “Dear old Uncle Sam” bailed out the financial “wizards” that caused the crash but did absolutely nothing for millions of innocent Americans that lost everything.

Needless to say, having no time to grieve properly and seeing 30-years of work and savings flushed down the governmental toilet did not put me in a mood for any long-term relationship.

Subsequently, all I could emotionally handle at that point were some “friends with benefits:” most of which were vanilla with an occasional kink thrown in. Except one. She was all for D/s but pushed marriage quicker than a Las Vegas drive thru chapel.

Several years past, and I became convinced that I would never have another permanent relationship. But, like the adage states, love comes when you least expect it. And, in this case, it also came from where I never expected it: online.

Those of you that have followed us for any length of time know that kat and I began with a long-distance relationship before coming together.

We both had two prior marriages. And she, like me, had not been seeking, nor wanting, any long-term relationship. But we could not deny how compatible we were, or the uncanny way we communicated from the beginning.

It was like a breath of fresh air to have a strong woman that knelt out of love and respect instead of one that purely needed to be controlled. Though, I have nothing against women with weaker personalities: I’ve known many that were both interesting and lovable. But, as a natural alpha I prefer the added challenge of a strong woman.

The 24/7 D/s relationship that kat and I agreed to is absolutely nothing like my prior long-term D/s relationships. Sure, she has relinquished control of her body to me, and accepted me as the head of the relationship. But she neither wants nor needs to be micro-managed or burdened with an overabundance of protocols. Which leaves more free time to simply enjoy each other’s company.

After decades in leadership positions, both in and out of D/s, I am way beyond the need for constant control of every little detail. I prefer my natural style of leading by example and delegating when necessary.

I hope my D/s journey will continue and reach the final end with kat. I never loved anyone as much, nor felt as compatible with anyone like I feel with her. And as I have come to know myself better throughout my journey, it is nice to be in a relationship that seems practically tailor-made for me, where I can just be myself. And what can be better than that?

It doesn’t mean that kat and I don’t have problems. We do. In fact, we’re dealing with issues presently that have sparked kat’s depression triggers. But, above all else, we’ve built this relationship on a foundation of unconditional love. So, we’ll continue to love each other, keep communicating, and weather this storm like all previous storms.

Last Word:
My D/s journey started in a very inappropriate way. It has not always been enjoyable, and I would caution anyone from entering a D/s relationship without some serious thought and making sure to find the right partner. But after several decades of D/s experience it has truly been a journey of self-discovery. And, similar to my faith, and the beliefs concerning manhood that I was raised with, I would not be the person I am today without taking the D/s journey.

D/s: Self-Discovery after an Unhealthy Beginning (Part One)

This is an unusual post for me, since I will touch on an incident that I have only told one person (kat) in my life. It took place long ago and has lost its main power-hold over me; although, I must admit it is still a little embarrassing to me because of my alpha personality. Even though my mind tells me I was only 15 (less than half the age of my manipulator) the alpha in me still has a hard time admitting I was manipulated.

 

My D/s journey began during my teen years in a time before the “information age.” Back then you could not use a computer, I-pad, or smart phone to connect to the web: letting you fingers surf online with keyboard and mouse to find an overabundance of fetish fare.

I suppose you can say I was initiated into D/s the “old-fashioned” way. An older woman—who I later learned was married—plucked me from my fairly normal vanilla world of teen sex and immersed me into the darker world of kink.

She had recognized my natural alpha personality while observing me dealing with others my age. And she decided to open my eyes to the world of D/s by guiding me into a dominant position. In other words, she topped from the bottom in order to get the satisfaction she craved.

Now, for any of you who think I’m bragging because of my young age at the time, allow me to set the record straight. This woman used her age, experience, and education to seduce me…along with her position of authority, because she was one of my teachers. That’s how she continually observed my actions with others my age. I even found out later that she had a Xeroxed copy of my education file.

I had personal issues and was expelled from every local high school. So, I was eventually sent to a continuation school two cities away from where I lived, where this woman taught.

With her instruction and my alpha personality, it didn’t take long before I assumed control in the bedroom. However, she used a combination of seduction, veiled threats, and various rewards to keep the relationship going.

Unlike today, this was during a time when you did not constantly hear of teachers getting busted for sexual-misconduct with students. Plus, no one wanted to believe a woman was capable of such behavior (which is still the case in some areas). And on top of that, no teenage male (especially an alpha) wants to admit he was taken advantage of by a female.

Fortunately, for me, I’ve always been a quick learner. So, I didn’t just learn how to become dominant in the bedroom. Since I figured I was stuck in the relationship for a while, I decided to take advantage of it. I countered her techniques with similar ones of my own: especially the veiled threats.

In exchange for not exposing her to the cops, school, and her husband she gave me control over her body, along with various other rewards. And she willingly agreed. Sure, she didn’t want to be exposed, but she truly craved the rough sex. After all, she initially broke the law in order to get me to fulfill fantasies and scratch a sexual itch her hubby wasn’t taking care of. And you can bet I made sure the sex continued to get rougher until I severed all ties with her at the end of my junior year, when I enlisted in the military.

One of the last things I did prior to getting on the plane, was send a short letter, an audio cassette, and a half-dozen photos to her hubby. And from that point on I never looked back (except during a period of introspection many years later and while completing my psychology degree). I became a member of an elite military unit and had no time for such things. And, to this day, I don’t know what her hubby did with the information.

I grew-up, moved beyond that negative period, to a point it no longer mattered. Although, there is a part of me that hopes her hubby did not just require a “pound of flesh,” but actually made a few calls.

As a natural alpha, I will most likely never find a way to look favorably on the woman that initiated me in the D/s world, because of the anger and sense of powerlessness—or rather power loss, since I still had power among peers—that I had to overcome. But, I must admit, that D/s would become an integral part of my life from that point onward.

I attempted to compensate for the initial feelings of lost power in the unhealthy relationship with the teacher early on. I took what I learned of D/s—BDSM and used it in relationships with girls my age. It fed my need to dominate, which I had to grow into and fight for in the unhealthy relationship.

Unfortunately, because of the unhealthy relationship (and another incident), I would abstain from a 24/7 D/s lifestyle for a very long time.

I participated in D/s while playing the field. And, since my first marriage only lasted a few years and left the proverbial “bad taste” in my mouth regarding long-term relationships, I spent over a decade and a half playing the field before considering another long-term relationship.

During that period, I dated a lot. Most of those dates were with vanilla girls that might accept a little kink now and then. But, the law of average equally made sure girls in the areas of grey-to-black crossed my path from time-to-time. And with each D/s encounter I took the opportunity to expand my knowledge, because it continued to feed needs within me.

Sure, it fed my need to dominate, along with satisfy fantasies, but it also got me back in touch with my need to satisfy the wants and needs of the submissive female, while keeping them protected and safe.

D/s also allowed me to regain my love and respect for women, which had been damaged as a result of the unhealthy relationship. It likewise helped me reconnect and transition back into society after being wounded in the military. And it equally helped me become more accepting of my inner and outer scars through the acceptance I witnessed from legitimate practitioners in the D/s—BDSM world.

My long-term, on-again off-again, participation in D/s has truly been a journey of self-discovery… which I will continue discussing in Part Two of this piece, that will be posted Friday.

D/s-BDSM: Is it degrading to women?

In the ‘information age’, when an abundance of knowledge on practically every human topic is just a mouse-click away, I am still amazed at the amount of myths that not only refuse to die but seem to flourish.

A standard myth attached to D/s – BDSM is the misconception that the majority of these relationships—and the subculture in general—thrive on the degradation of women. And yet, it’s a myth that could not be further from the truth.

In all areas involving human participation you can find a bad element. BDSM is no exception in that respect. However, it is a miniscule percentage that is usually found among posers and wannabes that predominantly slither in and around the public venues and online hook-ups.

Personal Experience

The male role-models in my life predominantly taught me to follow the traditional values regarding females: love, cherish, honor, respect, and protect them. And, for the most part, I adhered to those teachings. But, not always.

In all honesty, there was a very confused and chaotic period in my life—much of it created through the actions of females—when, as a natural alpha, I consciously suppressed my normal inclination to protect the fair sex.

During that chaotic period, though filled with anger, I was still able to recognize various areas in society where sexism was either blatant or disguised. And even through the anger it bothered my sense of fair play.

It was also during that period that I became aware of the BDSM community.

Following a lengthy period of introspection and self-discovery I overcame my anger issues. And I quickly became aware of how my natural alpha personality fit comfortably into the D/s lifestyle. And the traditional views I had been taught since birth (how to honor, respect, and protect women, etc.) seemed tailor-made for being a Dom, and the responsibilities of the position: fulfilling the sub’s wants and needs while keeping them protected and safe.

The Power Exchange

Much of the myth claiming BDSM is degrading to women centers around misconceptions involving the Power Exchange customary in D/s relationships.

Much of the vanilla world is under the false belief that Doms are all male, subs are all female, and subs automatically give over total control to Doms; which, those of us involved in D/s relationships know is completely absurd.

All Doms are not male. All subs are not female. And, like the rest of society, all D/s relationships are not just male and female.

The Power Exchange is not an all-take, one-sided proposition. It is a negotiated agreement between two equal partners that is built on a loving, or consent and trust, foundation. And the more control given up by the sub transfers an equal amount of responsibility to the Dom to fulfill the sub’s wants and needs, while keeping them protected and safe.

Fem-doms / Dommes

While the Power Exchange shows both Dom and sub are equal partners in D/s relationships, the fact that there are fem-doms (Dommes) reaffirms the BDSM community’s acceptance of female equality.

Any culture, or subculture, that allows females to occupy the position of power subsequently cannot be a culture that predominantly degrades women.

Sub humiliation

Some myth defenders would like people to believe that because there are predominantly more female subs with male Doms involved with scenes or sessions using humiliation / degradation actions and words, it “proves” D/s is more degrading to women. But, that is completely illogical.

Doms only use humiliation / degradation in scenes after communication with their sub shows the sub’s desire and consent to have it used. In fact, any Dom that uses humiliation without consent is a poser or wannabe, and the sub should flee as fast as they can.

What others say

GS says: I’ve never felt degraded as a woman involved in D/s. I actually feel empowered.

KT says: I have gained strength during my two-years in the BDSM community. I have been able to do things I never thought I would be able to do for myself, for my pleasure and sexual growth.

PD says: My mate is my Domme. She has the control. And the humiliation to me is consensual.

JB says: Being involved in BDSM has allowed me to grow into the woman I’ve always wished I could be concerning my sexual identity.

Last Word

Let me iterate, in legitimate relationships in the D/s – BDSM community, Doms and subs are always equal partners. And any humiliation or degradation is primarily consensual (except in situations with posers, etc.). Unfortunately, as long as the vanilla world reads or watches misrepresentations of the D/s – BDSM world, myths will continue. Only through familiarization of the real thing will the myths dissolve.

D/s: Dictator or Dom?

D/s—BDSM practitioners primarily involved in public venues, hook-ups, and other temporary or part-time play predominantly fall under the consent and trust relationship foundation, instead of the love foundation that most 24/7 couples build on [*see my post on D/s: comparing foundations]. Sadly, that is why posers, wannabes, and abusers can operate in the public venues for lengthy periods before the word gets out about them.

Curiously, while reading blogs over the past few months, I’ve noticed a disturbing trend among Doms / Dommes in 24/7 relationships. They are making statements and claims that mirror the negative aspects of various Doms / Dommes in the public venues, especially by posers, wannabes, and abusers.

In short, their claims and statements make them sound like little dictators over their subs. They appear to be forgetting some of the most important factors regarding D/s—BDSM relationships. Core elements of the power exchange, such as: Dom and sub are equal partners in the relationship; it is the sub’s wants and needs that drive the relationship, not the Dom’s / Domme’s; by accepting the power exchange and control over the sub the Dom / Domme accepts the responsibility to fulfill the wants and needs of the sub, while keeping them protected and safe physically and emotionally.

So, why are Doms / Dommes in 24/7 D/s relationships boastfully making claims like the following:

“It’s all about my pleasure. He must fulfill my desires. He has no rights, and he needs to know that I have no obligation to please him in anyway.”

“She needs to realize Master is everything. All my wants and needs get met daily. And if there’s no time for hers, she does without.”

“I don’t really know whether he likes what I do to him or not. He doesn’t share his feelings. So, as long as he fulfills my desires I’ll keep doing it my way.”

“She’ll take whatever I give her. I’m the King, she’s the slave. It’s all about pleasing me.”

It sounds like they are getting their dom training and beliefs from the same place, or they are reading each other’s blogs.

I might expect such statements from newbies; but most of the blogs I’m making reference to have been in D/s awhile, or claim to have researched it in-depth. If so, how did they fail to make the connection to basic core elements of D/s—BDSM relationships (such as those mentioned earlier)?

Doms / Dommes serve and protect
In Dom’s Guide to BDSM Vol.1, Mathew Larocco states the following:

…the Master actually has the more complicated role between the two. The master also has the task of giving pleasure and discipline to the slave or sub, and is less focused on taking pleasure himself. A great deal of what you do as a Master will be for the benefit of the sub. You must desire to please a partner, and not simply take what you want (emphasis added).

And for those that act like little dictators and don’t take the responsibility of being a Dom / Domme seriously, Larocco further adds the following:

Because if it’s a joke, or trying it is just an excuse to treat your partner like crap, then no, it’s not healthy and it’s not even going to be very pleasurable for you or your sub. The Caligula-take-all approach to BDSM is an outdated concept and it’s actually evolved into more complex characterizations today, rather than just the Overlord commanding his slave.

In other words, except for posers and abusers who don’t give a shit, newbies should be the only ones who succumb to the antiquated belief that Doms / Dommes have absolute power. But even newbies, if they’re serious about their D/s relationship, should quickly learn that is an erroneous belief.

Many experts in the lifestyle point out, like Larocco’s book, that one of the many misconceptions surrounding D/s—BDSM is falsely believing that “the Dominant controls the submissive.”

Power Exchange
In Leading and Supportive Love: the Truth about Dominant and Submissive Relationships, author Chris M. Lyons states the following:

A healthy Leading and Supportive Relationship is not about roles partners have, but rather the two types of partners who form a relationship that greatly serves both people: a true partnership.

Lyon further claims:

The partners are both dedicated in service to each other and both of them are very clear about it. There is immense appreciation because one could not be who they truly are in the relationship without the service of the other.

And Lyon, a personal coach and relationship expert, adds further credibility with the following:

Dr. Brad Sagarin, a professor of social and evolutionary psychology at Northern Illinois University, asserts that the s-type partner is “a fully-consensual entity” and “an equal partner in the negotiation of this relationship.

Similarly, Larocco includes claims from Studies in the Psychology of Sex by Havelock Ellis:

He [Havelock] also states another little understood secret of the BDSM lifestyle—sadomasochistic activities (distinguished from abusive relationships) involve the “express request of the masochist” who gives the sadist emotional cues and mutually understood signals—in essence prompting and guiding the sadist on how to properly give him pleasure and pain.

In other words, the Dom’s / Domme’s intention and duty is to please the sub. Thus, it is the sub that actually powers or drives the relationship.

“After all,” Larocco concludes, “it is consensual and voluntary, and the only reason a sub would stay in the ‘control’ of a Dom is to experience pleasure/pain in just the way he or she wants.”

It’s the Dom’s / Domme’s job to make their sub happy. They are not supposed to bully and break them for their own pleasure. They are supposed to be giving the sub what the sub wants and needs. That is their duty and service to the sub for accepting control over the sub in the power exchange.

The Doms / Dommes not doing this are acting like dictators, similar to posers and abusers, which we see in the public venues and hook-ups quite often. But it’s surprising to see the same attitudes and actions among the 24/7 D/s relationships lately. It’s a sad trend, since 24/7 D/s relationships are primarily built on foundations of love, not simply consent and trust.

Ignorance is no excuse
Several Doms / Dommes with the Caligula-take-all attitudes make references to not knowing what their sub honestly wants or needs. Nor do they know how their sub feels about the way they are being treated by the Dom / Domme. Both of which are serious failures on the part of the Doms /Dommes with regard to their responsibilities to their subs.

Remember, it is the Dom’s / Domme’s responsibility to fulfill the wants and needs of the sub. That cannot be done if they do not even know what their sub’s wants and needs are; nor how their subs even feel about what’s being done to them, or that they’re made to do without question.

A few of the Doms /Dommes claim their subs are shy, poor communicators, or just don’t like to talk about such things. Which, as experienced leaders know, are just excuses. And when a person relies on excuses to explain away an issue, perhaps they are not as ready for the responsibility of the position as they thought.

Communication: another Dom responsibility
It is the Dom’s / Domme’s responsibility to make sure the wants and needs of both partners are fully understood by both.

In Dom’s Guide to Submissive Training, author Elizabeth Cramer states the following:

Because there is no standard way for people to come into BDSM and everyone has their own ideas about everything from the definition of words to the way submission is practiced, it is important you have a spoken agreed-upon and clear understanding of what you both expect.

Cramer goes on to say:

The DNA of a Dom/sub relationship is consent. It is the foundational stone all the rest of the relationship will be built upon. She can’t give you consent if she doesn’t know exactly what you plan to do and what her service will be like.

While those of us in 24/7 D/s relationships would argue that love is the primary foundation of our relationships, we still acknowledge the need for consent, which is achieved through communication: another key element. And it’s the Dom’s / Domme’s responsibility to ensure that communication begins at the start of the relationship and continues throughout the relationship. And that means honest and open communication.

It’s too tempting for a lot of Doms / Dommes to let their subs make standard sub-claims like, “I just want you to lead and I’ll follow” or “I just want to make you happy.” But those type of statements do not tell the Dom / Domme what the sub truly wants or needs.

Cramer warns of the following:

Be aware that a woman who has a submissive nature is going to tell you everything you want to hear, especially if she can’t actually visualize it happening.

However, when it comes time for her to do it she may balk, or go through with it but hates it, which sets up relationship problems. And this is true of any submissive, male or female, along with anyone else that may have poor communication skills.

Several of the Doms / Dommes that made reference to not knowing, or not caring, about their sub’s wants, needs, or feelings, said they were going to keep doing it their way, and just surprise the subs with each new change.

That’s fine for gifts and rewards, but it can be highly stressful for subs facing the prospect of new levels of pain and/or humiliation.

Cramer suggests the following:

While training can seem unpredictable and challenging to a sub, you don’t want it to become so overwhelming that she withdraws from you. The best way to help her is to share your plans with her up front. This will help her see you are following a well-known methodology, and not just making stuff up.

I would add that it also gains trust when the sub sees their Dom / Domme taking the time to alleviate their fears. The same goes for consistently communicating from the beginning of the relationship onward.

Get even attitude
This is something that really surprises me with the trend I’ve been seeing among Doms / Dommes. And fem-doms seem especially prone to this response for some reason.

On rare occasions when the subs express their honest feelings about something they would rather not do, or they even subtly disagree with how their Dom / Domme is treating them, instead of accepting the sub’s right as an equal partner in the relationship to feel that way, the Doms / Dommes respond like a selfish child on the playground. They make statements like the following:

“I’ll teach him who’s boss! I’ll make him do every hard limit, then kiss and lick my ass afterward.”

“Or, when he criticizes (admittedly subtly and not outright) how I am dominating him. It’s frustrating, and I felt devalued as his Domme.”

“The little bitch had the nerve to ask me to change a ritual she hates. Well, who the fuck’s training who? I told her she’ll do it or get the fuck out.”

“He had the audacity to interrupt a session just to tell me he disliked something I was making him do. So, I made sure he did it again.”

Everyone of the above statements shows an attitude inappropriate for a Dom / Domme. They should be glad their sub is communicating with them. After all, it’s the Dom’s /Domme’s responsibility to fulfill the sub’s wants and needs while keeping them protected and safe. But if their character is not strong enough to accept constructive criticism, or if they take every claim or dislike by their sub as a personal attack that “devalues” them, maybe they should reevaluate if they have what it takes to be a good Dom / Domme. After all, for the above Doms / Dommes to respond as they did over their subs trying to honestly communicate with them is petty and childish. And no Dom / Domme should ever require a sub to do anything on their list of hard limits!

Doms / Dommes need to have the ability to place their sub’s wants, needs, and safety above their own pleasure. If they cannot do this consistently they will never be real Doms / Dommes. They will be no better than the posers and abusers in the public venues that get-off on the power trip of being little dictators.

Last word
If some of the Doms / Dommes quoted in this post (and others too numerous to include) made such statements in the heat of the moment, hopefully they calmed down enough to remember their responsibility as Doms / Dommes.

Unfortunately, from the number of dictator-like statements I’ve found, it really looks like a negative trend that will eventually take its toll on some of these relationships when the subs get fed-up with being overlooked as an equal partner in the relationship.

Positions of power always carry additional responsibility. Those who accept the positions must be willing to sacrifice their pleasures at times to ensure they are meeting the wants and needs of those they have control over, while keeping them protected and safe.

PS: As a natural Alpha, I have a strong urge to protect, and I feel an obligation to speak-up for subs who (for whatever reason) may feel they don’t have an equal say in their relationship. And if my words piss-off their Doms / Dommes, maybe they should question why? Obviously, the truth hurts.

Let go of the power trip and become a mature Dom / Domme. Take care of your sub and they’ll take care of you out of reverence…not just because of some role-playing obligation.