Alpha’s Bawdy Word Play: 11th edition

[Alpha’s modern version of bawdy word play and erotica like the vaudeville and burlesque period.]

 

Ravished
You dirty cad
You’re being so bad
So vile and so forward
Another broken promise
Never again will I trust your word
You scoundrel
You boar
You’re the type I deplore
Your straying hands…
Away, I say
How they grope and tear
Leaving my bosom bare
You paw me like a horny dog
I swoon with fear and lustful fog
As you seek more between my thighs
You hear my moans but not my cries
How rude and vile to ravish me more
But, pray tell, are you sure you’ve locked the door?

Hidey Hole
Blue skies above
Green grass below
Just right for picnic games
Playing Hidey Hole
You show me your pet snake
It loves the stroke and roll
But not as much as a super blow
In my first Hidey Hole
Then it takes a Southern trip
Just how far does it go?
It goes deep—repeatedly
Making my next Hidey Hole…purr
“Thank you, sir,” I say
“But where does your snake now stray?”
“Behind you, dear,” he says
“Like a spear it’ll pierce your rear”
This Hidey Hole he won’t soon leave
He’ll fuck it the rest of the day

Elusive Bliss
There isn’t much to see when you’re raised in a barrio
But every boy in the ‘hood would pay to see my sister, Rosa Ario
If you want her to shed her panties
You each have to up your antes
Cuz’ we work as a team; I’m the flesh peddling impresario

I stimulate their lust addiction with girls that show too much
But always leaving them wanting more; they can look but not touch
Yes, I tease to please with my sis
I sell the ever-elusive bliss
But for those that cross the line, even their cocks will need a crutch

The Nerd
The little dweeb came up to me acting like a player
Wearing silk with a wad of condoms; he fancies himself a love slayer
But platform shoes and an Elvis toupee’
The Woody Allen look his only woody today
Guarantees this nerd hasn’t got a prayer

What’s that? A million dollars! Right this way, honey-bunch
You don’t have to be a player…
With enough cash to be a payor

Alpha’s Bawdy Word Play: 7th edition

[Alpha’s modern Bawdy Word Play, Erotica, & Tongue Twisters: similar to the Vaudeville & Burlesque periods.]

 

Wedding Night (mare)
Had a fright on wedding night, a dream did overshadow
Nightmare spawned the fear, a vision did foreshadow
My wife was unclad
Acting nasty and bad
Though not with me, another cast in shadow

Bullies
Two bullies heard I’d been raised with a wet nurse
That I’d been raised polite, and didn’t even curse
They assumed I was gay
And with me they’d have their way
So, I now use their scrotums for a man-purse

Matadors
A bull’s schlong is so long
They sell them as walking canes
That’s why matadors fight them
Obsessive penis envy of their brains

Last Ride
Do you think you could drive a hearse
And recite a spontaneous verse
When the dead arise
Right before your eyes
Without shitting yourself or shouting a curse?

 

Have a nice day!

Alpha’s Bawdy Word Play: 6th Installment

This is a modern version of Bawdy Word Play, Erotica, or Tongue Twisters similar to the Vaudeville & Burlesque periods.

 

Joy lost, Joy gained
A boy with a toy had hours of joy
From dawn till dusk he did play
But the boy with the toy lost his joy
When a bully took his toy away
Then a girl with a pearl that liked to twirl
Met the boy in the woods one day
Saw a tear in his eye; said, “Please, don’t cry
We can share what no bully can take away.”
“I have a lock and you have a key,
It’ll bring us pleasure and great joy.”
“What trick are you trying to play?
I see no lock or key,” said the boy.
“Not in our hands, but between our thighs
Is the lock and key that will bring us highs”
Then she gave him a look,
And allowed him to touch
Then she treated him to a taste
Which he loved very much
And his years of being chaste
Appeared to be coming to an end
As she guided his cock into her cunt
And softly whispered, “I like you more than a friend.”

Belle’s Bell
Belle’s bell is rung with dick and tongue
When on the clit it plays
But when alone there’s still a tone
For Belle has found other ways
Without dick or tongue her bell is still rung
When each musical finger strays

New Girl
My new girl is not from this planet
Her twat muscles are as strong as granite
The tight restriction
Causes fiery friction
That gets smoking hot to trot when you fan it

Massage
The closest thing to a magic love potion
Is a full-body erotic massage with lotion
You knead it like dough
Arousal ebbs and flows
And climax comes in waves like the ocean

Alpha’s Bawdy Word Play: 4th Installment

A modern version of the old Vaudeville and Burlesque bawdy humor, erotica, and tongue twisters.

 

No Wasted Days or Nights
Wasted days when nights are nigh
Wasted nights when sun is high
But never a day is wasted when
And never a night if you surely begin
To pleasure your treasure between her thighs
A kiss, a nibble, a tickle or lick
A finger, a tongue, a hard-throbbing dick
A whimper, a moan, “Oh my!” goes her cry
“To ever be without it, I shall surely die!”
If you elicit that cry, a good man you be
Just never break her heart… and always satisfy her pussy.

Karaoke
Karaoke is a joke to those who cannot sing
Some balk, most squawk, causing eardrums to sting
It’s odd how people that can’t carry a tune in a bucket
Forego self-respect, get up and say, “fuck it”
Some croak like a bullfrog, some squeak like a mouse
Some bark like a dead dog in an old haunted house
Some neigh like a jackass imitating a mule
And most are tone-deaf: I think it’s a rule
Some snort like a pachyderm with a cold in its trunk
And many slur words like a droopy-lipped drunk
Some snicker like a virgin with wedding night jitters
Others snap, crackle, and pop like they’re deep-frying fritters
And many wheeze, sneeze, and cough while the crowd does scoff
Though most never seem to notice with their heads in the clouds aloft
Perhaps that’s the secret to having fun
Be completely tuned out… or just plain dumb
Anyone for karaoke?

3 Pecker-heads
Willie, Wilbur, and Walt One-Eye
All from the same Pecker-head kin
Chose a nymph with a penchant for
Skin upon skin upon skin
Willie chose the oral route
He had a hankering for a hummer
Wilbur’s load went in the Vaginal Road
His favorite choice is a moist new comer
And Walt, who was flirty, liked it down and dirty
So, he popped the Anal Highway
The tight enough to cry way
And he spanked and beat it like a drummer

Mistaken Ex
My Ex mistook boys for men, and thought I’d be a cuckold
They came at me with dicks in hand, thinking they’d be suckled
I made them all scream
I made them all ream
Then beat them senseless with a belt unbuckled