D/s: Self-Discovery after an Unhealthy Beginning (Part One)

This is an unusual post for me, since I will touch on an incident that I have only told one person (kat) in my life. It took place long ago and has lost its main power-hold over me; although, I must admit it is still a little embarrassing to me because of my alpha personality. Even though my mind tells me I was only 15 (less than half the age of my manipulator) the alpha in me still has a hard time admitting I was manipulated.


My D/s journey began during my teen years in a time before the “information age.” Back then you could not use a computer, I-pad, or smart phone to connect to the web: letting you fingers surf online with keyboard and mouse to find an overabundance of fetish fare.

I suppose you can say I was initiated into D/s the “old-fashioned” way. An older woman—who I later learned was married—plucked me from my fairly normal vanilla world of teen sex and immersed me into the darker world of kink.

She had recognized my natural alpha personality while observing me dealing with others my age. And she decided to open my eyes to the world of D/s by guiding me into a dominant position. In other words, she topped from the bottom in order to get the satisfaction she craved.

Now, for any of you who think I’m bragging because of my young age at the time, allow me to set the record straight. This woman used her age, experience, and education to seduce me…along with her position of authority, because she was one of my teachers. That’s how she continually observed my actions with others my age. I even found out later that she had a Xeroxed copy of my education file.

I had personal issues and was expelled from every local high school. So, I was eventually sent to a continuation school two cities away from where I lived, where this woman taught.

With her instruction and my alpha personality, it didn’t take long before I assumed control in the bedroom. However, she used a combination of seduction, veiled threats, and various rewards to keep the relationship going.

Unlike today, this was during a time when you did not constantly hear of teachers getting busted for sexual-misconduct with students. Plus, no one wanted to believe a woman was capable of such behavior (which is still the case in some areas). And on top of that, no teenage male (especially an alpha) wants to admit he was taken advantage of by a female.

Fortunately, for me, I’ve always been a quick learner. So, I didn’t just learn how to become dominant in the bedroom. Since I figured I was stuck in the relationship for a while, I decided to take advantage of it. I countered her techniques with similar ones of my own: especially the veiled threats.

In exchange for not exposing her to the cops, school, and her husband she gave me control over her body, along with various other rewards. And she willingly agreed. Sure, she didn’t want to be exposed, but she truly craved the rough sex. After all, she initially broke the law in order to get me to fulfill fantasies and scratch a sexual itch her hubby wasn’t taking care of. And you can bet I made sure the sex continued to get rougher until I severed all ties with her at the end of my junior year, when I enlisted in the military.

One of the last things I did prior to getting on the plane, was send a short letter, an audio cassette, and a half-dozen photos to her hubby. And from that point on I never looked back (except during a period of introspection many years later and while completing my psychology degree). I became a member of an elite military unit and had no time for such things. And, to this day, I don’t know what her hubby did with the information.

I grew-up, moved beyond that negative period, to a point it no longer mattered. Although, there is a part of me that hopes her hubby did not just require a “pound of flesh,” but actually made a few calls.

As a natural alpha, I will most likely never find a way to look favorably on the woman that initiated me in the D/s world, because of the anger and sense of powerlessness—or rather power loss, since I still had power among peers—that I had to overcome. But, I must admit, that D/s would become an integral part of my life from that point onward.

I attempted to compensate for the initial feelings of lost power in the unhealthy relationship with the teacher early on. I took what I learned of D/s—BDSM and used it in relationships with girls my age. It fed my need to dominate, which I had to grow into and fight for in the unhealthy relationship.

Unfortunately, because of the unhealthy relationship (and another incident), I would abstain from a 24/7 D/s lifestyle for a very long time.

I participated in D/s while playing the field. And, since my first marriage only lasted a few years and left the proverbial “bad taste” in my mouth regarding long-term relationships, I spent over a decade and a half playing the field before considering another long-term relationship.

During that period, I dated a lot. Most of those dates were with vanilla girls that might accept a little kink now and then. But, the law of average equally made sure girls in the areas of grey-to-black crossed my path from time-to-time. And with each D/s encounter I took the opportunity to expand my knowledge, because it continued to feed needs within me.

Sure, it fed my need to dominate, along with satisfy fantasies, but it also got me back in touch with my need to satisfy the wants and needs of the submissive female, while keeping them protected and safe.

D/s also allowed me to regain my love and respect for women, which had been damaged as a result of the unhealthy relationship. It likewise helped me reconnect and transition back into society after being wounded in the military. And it equally helped me become more accepting of my inner and outer scars through the acceptance I witnessed from legitimate practitioners in the D/s—BDSM world.

My long-term, on-again off-again, participation in D/s has truly been a journey of self-discovery… which I will continue discussing in Part Two of this piece, that will be posted Friday.

Gender Identity Disorder: child abuse in a modern medical trend

When we read headlines or hear news stories about cultures in the world that allow the girls to have their genitalia butchered, or boys’ scrotums are forcefully squeezed daily, or girl babies are aborted or sold, or girls and boys are kidnapped for labor or sex trades, we’re disgusted at the news and think how awful it would be to live in societies that allow such things. And yet, the so-called civilized world, including the United States and other western civilizations, equally engage in barbaric practices on children. All under the guise of medical progress.

I’m referring to the highly controversial issue of chemical and surgical sex-change treatment for children. With all of the horrific mistakes the medical field has seen throughout history, haven’t they learned yet that just because something can be done does not mean it should be done?

The human brain does not fully mature until around 25-years-old. And yet, parents, under the encouragement of agenda-pushing medical and psychiatric professionals, make life-changing decisions for their children (as early as 2-years-old), on the basis that their child claims they are, or want to be, the opposite sex.

Most individuals, at some point during their childhood, wonder what it would be like to be the opposite sex. A large percentage of these people even fixate on the possibility of being the opposite sex; especially if they are going through a tough period. Or, if they perceive the traditional roles and treatment of one sex being better than the other.

For instance, a female I know vividly recalls how she and her sisters had to do far more chores than their brothers. And she clearly remembers wishing she was a boy. In fact, she had those thoughts from a young age until puberty. But once her body began to change those thoughts disappeared, and she’s been happy to be a female ever since.

It is impossible for a child to fully comprehend the consequences and life-changing ramifications of changing their sex. And when the average adult mistakenly believes sex and gender are the same thing, instead of having entirely different definitions, how do parents and medical professionals honestly believe children can make such life-changing decisions?

Two experts in the field at Johns Hopkins University, Lawrence S. Mayer and Paul McHugh, wrote a 143-page report that expressed their “alarm at the developing trend in the United States of parents declaring their children to be transgendered and subjecting the child to hormonal treatments, behavioral adjustments and surgery.”

They equally suggest no one can determine the gender identity of such young children (like the 2-4-year-olds being mentioned in articles now). And along with believing scientists have no real understanding of what it means “for a child to have a developed sense of his or her gender,” they are extremely alarmed that the “therapies, treatments, and surgeries seem disproportionate to the severity of the distress being experienced” by the children, and are “premature since the majority who identify as the gender opposite their biological sex will not continue to do so as adults.” Plus, they stress that there is a lack of reliable studies on the prolonged effects of these interventions.

While Mayer and McHugh strongly caution against such therapies, treatments, and surgeries, other medical professionals push the trend.

Dr. Norman Spack, director of one of the nation’s first gender identity clinics, at Children’s Hospital Boston, says, “Switching gender roles and occasionally pretending to be the opposite sex is common in young children. But these kids are different. They feel certain they were born with the wrong bodies.”

The trend shows a growing number of these children are being labeled with gender identity disorder, a psychiatric diagnosis.

Dr. Margaret Moon, who teaches at the Johns Hopkins Berman Institute of Bioethics, and is a member of the American Academy of Pediatrics bioethics committee, says, “Offering sex-change treatment to kids younger than 18 raises ethical concerns, and their parents’ motives need to be closely examined.”

Moon further claims, “Some kids may get a psychiatric diagnosis when they are just hugely uncomfortable with narrowly defined gender roles; or some may be gay and are coerced into treatment by parents more comfortable with a sex-change than having a homosexual child.”

Regarding parental motives: while I believe most of these parents’ want to do what’s right for their children they, unfortunately, buy into the PC, societal, and medical trends.

However, there are instances where parents have played on the publicity surrounding the issue: subjecting their children to life-changing therapies and treatments for personal gain.

There is at least one instance where siblings playing a practical joke convinced a young sister to keep claiming she was a boy or she would be kicked out of the family. And the parents bought it and put her into therapy (which was discontinued after the siblings confessed).

Isn’t it interesting that while Moon suggests the parents’ motives be closely examined, no one suggests the medical professionals’ motives be examined. After all, the entire history of medicine is littered with both unethical and immoral practices. Everything from graverobbing to drug dealing, double-billing to unnecessary surgeries, and malpractice to murder have made headlines in the medical field.

Some people may point out that the medical professionals are treating gender identity disorder quite differently than similar disorders.

An individual with body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) mistakenly believes they are ugly. A female with anorexia nervosa (AN) mistakenly believes she is obese. An individual with body integrity identity disorder (BIID) mistakenly believes they are a disabled person trapped in a fully functioning body: some even seek surgical amputation of healthy limbs, or attempt to get their spines severed.

You do not see the medical and psychiatric professionals lining up for the “Trend Train” to fulfill the mistaken beliefs of those with BDD, AN, or BIID. So, why are so many hopping on board the “Transgender Trend Train?”

Can the prospect of creating an entire class of life-long patients be tempting? After all, we already see them going after children as young as 2-years-old. And once they have been indoctrinated through the alleged counseling to “accept” themselves as the opposite sex, they will be on puberty blocking drugs for several years, followed by sex-changing hormonal treatment for the rest of their lives (with or without the sex-change surgery). And greed has proven to be a powerful motivator throughout the history of medicine.

There are other medical and psychiatric professionals who are tempted more by the prestige of being on the cutting edge of the medical trend. They have new methods and they want to use them. And it clouds their minds to the moral and ethical issues regarding such life altering changes to children as young as 2-years-old.

Let’s look at Spack’s claim. He claims, the GID children “feel certain they were born with the wrong bodies.” Now, let’s recall that the human brain doesn’t fully mature until around age twenty-five; and at the age many of these kids are now being asked they are just as equally certain that Santa Claus and Bugs Bunny are real, and when people die they simply brush themselves off and keep going like in the cartoons.

It is literally impossible for these kids to fully comprehend the life-long ramifications and consequences surrounding such a major decision.

Spack along with other trend pushing doctors, claim there is emerging research that suggests these children may have brain differences similar to the opposite sex.

Most of the alleged research involves brain imaging, but it’s flawed since the imaging is only done on the subjects (GID kids) after they’ve begun the therapies and treatments.

During my training in psychology I became familiar with the term neuroplasticity. Neuroplasticity is the capacity of the human brain to change in response to individual experience (including gained knowledge). Simply put, the brain image before an extended period of therapy and treatment is going to look different than the brain functions after the therapy and treatment.

In other words, the alleged emerging research Spack refers to does not prove cause and effect. It may show similar brain functions to the opposite sex, but since the images were taken after therapy and treatment, the therapy and treatment to “accept” themselves as the opposite sex can just as easily be the cause and effect for the change.

I’m equally sure that some of the medical professionals honestly think they are doing the right thing. They are humanists pushing the progressive agenda, with the alleged belief that if the GID kids are encouraged to “accept” their mistaken belief it will help them reach their “true potential.” Unfortunately, good intentions will never transform barbaric practices into something positive.

Remember my favorite Alpha quote: Intelligence without common sense is nonsense.

It doesn’t matter what excuses parents and medical professionals use to convince themselves that it’s okay to use behavior modification, drug treatments, and sex-changing surgery on anyone under the legal age (while the child is incapable of making such decisions)—it’s still wrong! And it will always be morally and ethically wrong; just like it’s wrong to mutilate female genitalia, and the other barbaric practices mentioned earlier.

Unfortunately, money talks, which is why trafficking of kids continues in the sex trade. And with the clear prospect of manufacturing life-long patients that can fund trendy new clinics and make careers, there will be no shortage of medical professionals hopping on board the “Transgender Trend Train.” And the child abuse under the guise of medicine will continue to build momentum.

The Stranger

As a child I spent hour upon hour, day after day, contemplating an alien mystery. My mind’s eye conjured countless images of the elusive being that had the power to change ordinary people into raving lunatics, ravenous beasts, or simply strike them dumb with some strange catatonic malady—after suffering shivering, quivering fits. And the only name I knew it by was Evil-O.

Continue reading “The Stranger”