Some Thoughts on D/s…

For a D/s relationship to survive long term, couples need a solid foundation of vanilla (yes, I did write vanilla) love; it will carry them through the hard times all couples experience. For D/s isn’t constant and unchanging, it ebbs and flows in the way of all relationships. Stronger one day, weaker the next.

So many factors play into how intense the D/s dynamic is day to day: physical health, depression, work, family, separation, to name just a few, can take their toll. In other words, life gets in the way. And if we demand our Dom/Domme or sub to always, no matter what, fulfill their agreed-upon roll, it can harm the basic underpinnings of the relationship. Wants and needs of both can fluctuate, and the dynamic has to be adjusted accordingly.

Sometimes, amping up the D/s gets you through; but at other times, taking off the pressure by stepping back is the way to go. Each situation is different, and must be handled using your best judgement. There can even be times when extreme circumstances cause the relationship to have a distinct vanilla flavor, but that’s okay. It will not last. Not if the relationship was first built on unconditional love. (And not just lip service claiming unconditional love.)

Unconditional love accepts who you are, including the person you were before D/s. It says, “I love you, and will accept and stick by you irregardless of D/s.” It says, “If all we have from this point forward is vanilla, I am still here, will always be here.” That tells your partner you are safe with them, that you never have to pretend to be something you are not; love and commitment should not be contingent on playing a certain role.

When each person is given the freedom to just be who they are (or need to be) at any given time, without fear of consequences, they feel validated, and it enables them to meet in the middle and get the relationship, whether D/s or vanilla, back on track. Sometimes the track veers off in a slightly different direction afterward, but that’s okay. Nothing that grows stays static…it’s always in a constant state of change.

Most couples implement the D/s dynamic because one—only one—desires it. And though the one who is led to it may not need it, they recognize the other’s need, and out of love, agree. And here’s the slippery slope: if the one wanting D/s cannot compromise, if to them it’s all or nothing (the me-me-me mentality), their love is not unconditional, and the relationship will eventually fall apart. Unconditional love sees what the other needs. Unconditional love is not selfish. And unconditional love compromises.

Compromises—so much of our relationships are built upon them. Give me this, I’ll give you that. I’ll take this, you take that. And we can’t resent our partner if they aren’t playing the game exactly like we want them to. After all, are we playing exactly like they would like us to? Think about it…look at it from their side. And then meet in the middle.

Alpha’s response to a humbled kat

Humble Pie,” the recent post written by kat was hard for her to write. It’s not easy for most people to admit when they screw-up, especially when they screw-up royally. And, believe me, when kat said she “had to eat a big slice of humble pie,” she wasn’t kidding. She probably gained 20-lbs of humbleness in a single sitting.

Admirably, kat chose to do the post. It is not part of the punishments / consequences that I’ve meted out to atone for her disrespectful act.

Being her Dom and the recipient of the disrespectful act—make that extremely disrespectful—I have the right to expose her deceptive actions. It would be an interesting story and a good object lesson for others.

But I am kat’s Dom and have a greater responsibility to her. And she’s already punishing herself more than any outside influence could ever achieve. So, this story must wait to be told till the day we can both laugh at it in hindsight.

Regarding consequences, I’ve assigned some special tasks for kat to accomplish prior to my return home.

One of the consequences is a writing task specifically designed to make kat relive the incident as a learning experience. She has to spell out exactly what she did, what led up to it and why she believes she would choose to do something so contrary to who she is normally. She must also include a formal apology to me with a promise to accept all punishment and consequences and never do anything like it again.

The second task is the deterrent task. I will not divulge the specifics, but it is a displeasing task from kat’s standpoint to deter her from ever deciding to do the same “naughty girl” action ever again.

Those of you that read kat’s post know that upon my return home she will receive a well-deserved spanking. But she knows it will be delivered without anger, and from a foundation of love. With plenty of after-care to begin the healing.

After that we’ll both be able to put it behind us and move forward: kat healing from the guilt and shame, and me healing from the hurt of fresh cuts to the heart (metaphorically speaking of course).

Yin and Yang

I am negative to His positive

…dark to His bright

He is logical to my emotional

…day to my night

I am soft to His hard

…round to His linear

He is hunter to my prey

…king to my courtier

I am river to His highway

…valley to His mountain

He is solid to my fluid

…thirsty soil to my fountain

I am dream to His reality

…heart to His soul

He is Dom to my sub

…together we are whole

You can do it in D/s

Do you want to give or get a spanking?
Or be voyeuristic with some wanking?
It’s okay, you can do it in D/s.

Does sopping wet pussy sound succulent and tasty?
Like to lick it and suck it, but not be hasty?
It’s okay, you can do it in D/s.

Do you like to be gagged and bound,
Suspended from the ceiling, or chained to the ground?
It’s okay, you can do it in D/s.

Do you get turned on with a butt that’s plugged?
Or do you crave sub-space like an addict that’s drugged?
It’s okay, you can do it in D/s.

Are you obsessed with the Hershey Highway?
Or do you choose variety, trying to live the Bi-way?
It’s okay, you can do it in D/s.

Perhaps you’re the type that yearns to be chaste;
Bound and denied, no orgasms to waste.
It’s okay, you can do it in D/s.

Do you think blowjobs are the best?
Or prefer sandwiching your dick between huge breasts?
It’s okay, you can do it in D/s.

Do you like to dominate a sex-crazed sub?
Or oil up her body to give you a full body rub?
It’s okay, you can do it in D/s.

Do you like to seduce with a sexy striptease?
Or do you prefer the sting of a whip while begging, “Please?”
It’s okay, you can do it in D/s.

I hope I’ve made it clear, and I’ve made my point
Don’t worry about naysayers with their nose out of joint
There’s no one size fits all in the D/s world
Any advice that says there is, is vomited and hurled

Each D/s couple should pick and choose what’s best for each
From vanilla to the darkest kink, it’s all within their reach
What works for you is best for you, that’s the D/s rule
Don’t waste your breath on the contrary—simply pity the fool!

More than just a word

Birthday 3

 

Kat

Someone said your name today

Then went about their business

I thought… how foolish

How inadequate

Do they not see the error of their way?

Acting as if it is a mere word

But it is a magical word

A word that holds an ocean

Our ocean of love

An ocean where you and I sail upon waves of wishes

Where we drown in our passions

And are reborn in pure pleasure

Cast forth…orgasmically…through water spouts

It is a word that travels

To the moon and back

From star to star

Throughout the universe and beyond

To the depths of my soul

To the end of my days

And it is a word that conquers time

The beginning of my life

The whole of my past

The all of my present

The forever of my future

My life after death

And it is the epitome of love

The fulfillment of my needs and desires

The bearer of my heart

Cherished and adored

Loved, liked, lusted

My all

My everything

Forever

And always

Kat… it is more than just a word

 

 

[HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!]

 

Birthday 5