During a casual conversation a close friend let it be known that he and his lady’s sex life had dwindled to a quickie every 3-4 weeks. He assured me they still loved each other, and rarely argued, but sex felt more like a chore than a blessing. He said it was a hassle to disrobe and get messy for a quick pop and fizzle.
The demise of their sex life did not occur overnight, it was a slow decline over time. After talking to both of them it was clear that they fell into a common relationship trap: sex became as routine as the rest of their life. And routine sex trades orgasmic bliss for a dissatisfying pop and fizzle.
Their work schedules overlapped and they built a routine around the schedules. When the routine took priority their intimacy suffered, because the longer the routine lasted the deeper they dug their sex life into a rut. This was partly because the lack of time spurred a lack of imagination, so they began to engage in the same 1 or 2 sexual practices every time, which eventually desensitized both. Instead of receiving pleasure it became an effort to reach orgasm. And the lack of pleasure or reward for the amount of effort inspired both to pull away from intimacy.
What they needed to do was make intimacy a higher priority, and fight the routine, rut, and desensitization with a greater variety of sexual play.
It is said that “variety is the spice of life,” which is definitely true for a sex life. And, thankfully, variety is a strong weapon in the D/s dynamic that can easily help D/s couples combat falling into an unhealthy rut that can kill intimacy. But even D/s couples allow the daily grind of life to push them into routines that can harm their relationship.
Constant communication, guarding intimacy, and maintaining a good sex life—spiced up with variety—wards off ruts from routine.
In other words, if you take playfulness and variety out of your sex life don’t be surprised when you become that couple that would rather turn on reruns of old sit-coms instead of turning off the boob tube and turning on their mate.
Thankfully, with kat, I have a mate that maintains a youthful outlook, and is willing to be playful, inventive, and exploratory—guaranteeing our sex life remains spicy.
PS: Enjoy the sizzle so you won’t let it fizzle.