More ebbs than flows

Kat’s last post spoke of the need for unconditional love as the relationship foundation in order to continue on during the ebbs and flows that all relationships encounter.

Unfortunately, this year has seen far more ebbs than flows. Family obligations, relations, and positions of responsibility have taken their fair share of time and effort. But this year both kat and I (primarily me as a disabled Vet) have been inundated with physical obstacles: injuries, illnesses, and medical appointments and procedures that never seem to cease. When one appears to be at an end another one (or more) pops up to take its place.

It’s been exasperating!

When your body is not functioning properly it can easily create obstacles to every area of your life.

No matter how hard we try to forge ahead and function with some semblance of normality it eventually becomes impossible. And no matter how much kat and I want and need D/s in our relationship, sometimes it just has to take a backseat for a while. Which is one reason I’ve been doing more short pieces and poetry, instead of the longer nonfiction D/s topical posts this year.

Kat can verify that I function on less than 4 hours sleep during the best of times, but it’s down to around 2 hours this year—with many sleepless nights. Often 2-4 sleepless nights consecutively: even during hospital stays with pain meds and sleeping pills that don’t seem to work well for me.

Kat and I still find time for intimacy, which we both agree is important. But it has just been too difficult trying to maintain a consistent 24/7 D/s relationship with the protocols, etc. So, I’ve suspended the mandatory Dom & sub duties until we get beyond the major physical issues.

Since we’ve always received far more response to our lengthier nonfiction D/s pieces, I just thought I’d let our followers know why we’ve put up less of those this year than usual.

The humorous pieces flow out of me like water. The nonfiction pieces don’t, especially with the constant pain and lack of sleep. But we will keep trying to make our Tuesday and Friday post dates as long as we physically can, even if they have to be more of the shorter pieces. And hopefully we’ll get beyond the physical issues like we have all previous issues.

Have a nice day!

Symbiotic

I don’t want you to change
I fell in love with you as you are
I yearn for you to kneel before me
But to do so out of love and respect
Not as a fearful servant
Or robotic slave
I yearn to fulfill your wants and needs
While keeping you protected and safe
It’s my natural inclination
A dominant personality
Dominant—not domineering
And I’m thrilled by your strength
That you’ve made your way in this world
I respect you for it
Plus, you know I enjoy the challenge
Of a strong, intelligent, and talented woman
With stimulating conversation—
Both in and out of the bedroom
The type of man I am
I would lose respect for myself
Having a sub forced to kneel out of fear
But a sub that willing submits, obeys, and kneels
Out of love, respect, and reverence
Touches me to my very core
It’s a symbiotic relationship
Submit to me willingly…and I’m yours forever

Alpha’s Bawdy Word Play: 10th Edition

Alpha’s modern version of Bawdy Word Play & Erotica similar to the Vaudeville & Burlesque periods.

 

When You…
When you think it an arrow
I shall rest it in your quiver
When you think it a lance
I shall spear thee till you shiver
When you think it a missile
I shall target only you
When you think it a wand
Its magic will prove itself true
When you think it a dart
It will always hit its mark
When you think it a beacon
It will always light up your dark
When you think it a toy
It will bring you constant joy
When you think it a bottle
You can drink all its elixir
And when you think it a tool
It will be your relationship fixer
As a pleasure and pain mixer

Dandy Dan
Dandy Dan took dick in hand
To top-off a fantasy
Cuz’ Dandy Dan is a randy ol’ man
Who digs fantasies are free
But if fantasies cost
Dan would really be lost
Like a man that is sauced
In a chilled winter frost
Too frigid to be stiff and rigid
Thus, denied his fantasies

Rowdy Rob
Rowdy Rob used to be a slob
Till he shined up his knob and it grew
The shiny knob attracts each maid
So, they keep his place spotless like new
After all, Rowdy Rob may have been a slob…
But he ain’t no fool

Coexisting
Terri’s eyes were insisting
as Ted’s hand was wrist deep in her cunt twisting
this way and that…giving her a fisting.
As his sub she does no resisting,
as if subsisting
on the pain and pleasure; a coexisting
symbiotic relationship.
The D/s dynamic persisting
throughout: the Dominant insisting
while assisting
fulfillment of the sub’s wants and needs.
The wants and needs preexisting
in the personalities of the partners enlisting
each other’s inter-twisting
fetish—that of sadist and masochist—
for the mutual satisfaction now existing.

D/s: Three-part punishment plan

There was some interest shown over a recent post when I briefly described a 3-part punishment plan. So, I decided to elaborate a little more on the topic.

First off, I do not use the 3-part plan for every offense. There are various minor infractions that do not require more than a stern warning or quick spanking. But I have found the 3-part plan beneficial for all medium to major offenses.

Why the 3-part plan?
Anyone that has followed us for any length of time knows that I have been in D/s a long time. So, I have read, heard, or seen just about every imaginable concept of punishment in or out of the D/s community.

Before settling on a plan that fit my personality and beliefs (as a Dom and a man) I drew heavily on my psychology training and investigative experience.

I had enough experience and knowledge to know the basic elements I was looking for. After all, it was basic common sense. I just needed a workable plan that I could use in any given situation with the proper results: that my sub/kat would not (or rarely) commit the same offense again.

The three primary factors I looked for was a quick response, a way for my sub/kat to learn from the experience, and something to ensure that she would not want to do it again. And that’s how I settled on the idea of combining corporeal punishment with a learning task and a deterrent task.

Corporeal punishment
Spanking is effective as long as the practice is not abused. In fact, there is a wealth of evidence to show that corporeal punishment—when properly applied—can have long-lasting positive effects.

Psychologically speaking, the best results occur if you adhere to the following: (1) the closer the spanking is to the infraction the greater the mental connection it will have on the offender (spanking on the same day as the offense is preferable, though not always possible). (2) Absolutely NEVER spank when you’re angry and not thoroughly in control of your emotions. It is the #1 reason why people turn a positive act, like corporeal punishment, into an abusive situation. (3) Calmly communicate with your sub prior to the spanking: reminding them of their infraction, their consensual agreement to punishment for negative behavior which can affect the relationship, and your love for them. (4) Administer the appropriate spanking for that particular infraction. (5) And follow it with affectionate after-care while reminding them again of your love.

Learning task
Psychologically speaking, again, there is plenty of evidence to show that humans made to confront their negative behavior—in combination with corporeal punishment—are more likely to abstain from the behavior in the future. Various research has shown between 32-65% more offenders have abstained from recommitting their offense when the two were combined.

For the best results, make sure the learning task is created specifically for the offender: taking into account their personality and primary way of learning.

Deterrent task
Although corporeal punishment and learning tasks can be useful deterrents to bad behavior, it is a good idea to include a specific deterrent task designed for the offender.

The task should be appropriate to the offense and be so disliked by the offender that they will not want to do it again.

Deterrent tasks—combined with corporeal punishment and learning tasks—are even more effective then when used separately. Research suggests between 48-83% more effective.

Last word
The combination of all three—spanking, learning task, and deterrent task—fulfill the three primary factors I looked for. The spanking can be administered quickly to fulfill the quick response factor. The learning task allows the sub to learn from the experience. And the deterrent task is specifically designed so the sub would never want to endure it again.
Just remember that everyone is different, and each plan needs to be tailor-made for the Dom and sub it will be used for and by.

Never neglect the romance

Doms that don’t make time or put forth the effort to keep romance alive in their D/s relationships eventually rue the day they stopped.

I’ve been involved in D/s a long time. And I’ve noticed that both fledgling and experienced Doms can succumb to this neglectful and negative practice.

Fledgling Doms—of any age, not just the young—often go thru periods of Dom-frenzy. Their sex-life has never been better and they want to experience it all. After all, they simply have to demand it from their sub and she obeys. So, why waste time on romance?

The experienced Doms that eventually fall into the no romance trap usually do so because of stagnation: the exact opposite (or 180-degrees) of Dom-frenzy. Their relationships are stuck in a rut, going nowhere. Just the same old thing on a different day.

Any relationship can get dusty or rusty if it is not maintained. Remind your mate daily how much you love, cherish, and adore her. It doesn’t have to take a lot of time; but it’s time well spent. Yet, if you truly love her you will do even more.

Pursue her and woo her like you did when you first met. Show her she is worth winning over-and-over: as much now as she ever was.

Keep the romance alive. Maintain your solid foundation of love and your relationship can weather every storm or obstacle it comes across.