D/s: Three-part punishment plan

There was some interest shown over a recent post when I briefly described a 3-part punishment plan. So, I decided to elaborate a little more on the topic.

First off, I do not use the 3-part plan for every offense. There are various minor infractions that do not require more than a stern warning or quick spanking. But I have found the 3-part plan beneficial for all medium to major offenses.

Why the 3-part plan?
Anyone that has followed us for any length of time knows that I have been in D/s a long time. So, I have read, heard, or seen just about every imaginable concept of punishment in or out of the D/s community.

Before settling on a plan that fit my personality and beliefs (as a Dom and a man) I drew heavily on my psychology training and investigative experience.

I had enough experience and knowledge to know the basic elements I was looking for. After all, it was basic common sense. I just needed a workable plan that I could use in any given situation with the proper results: that my sub/kat would not (or rarely) commit the same offense again.

The three primary factors I looked for was a quick response, a way for my sub/kat to learn from the experience, and something to ensure that she would not want to do it again. And that’s how I settled on the idea of combining corporeal punishment with a learning task and a deterrent task.

Corporeal punishment
Spanking is effective as long as the practice is not abused. In fact, there is a wealth of evidence to show that corporeal punishment—when properly applied—can have long-lasting positive effects.

Psychologically speaking, the best results occur if you adhere to the following: (1) the closer the spanking is to the infraction the greater the mental connection it will have on the offender (spanking on the same day as the offense is preferable, though not always possible). (2) Absolutely NEVER spank when you’re angry and not thoroughly in control of your emotions. It is the #1 reason why people turn a positive act, like corporeal punishment, into an abusive situation. (3) Calmly communicate with your sub prior to the spanking: reminding them of their infraction, their consensual agreement to punishment for negative behavior which can affect the relationship, and your love for them. (4) Administer the appropriate spanking for that particular infraction. (5) And follow it with affectionate after-care while reminding them again of your love.

Learning task
Psychologically speaking, again, there is plenty of evidence to show that humans made to confront their negative behavior—in combination with corporeal punishment—are more likely to abstain from the behavior in the future. Various research has shown between 32-65% more offenders have abstained from recommitting their offense when the two were combined.

For the best results, make sure the learning task is created specifically for the offender: taking into account their personality and primary way of learning.

Deterrent task
Although corporeal punishment and learning tasks can be useful deterrents to bad behavior, it is a good idea to include a specific deterrent task designed for the offender.

The task should be appropriate to the offense and be so disliked by the offender that they will not want to do it again.

Deterrent tasks—combined with corporeal punishment and learning tasks—are even more effective then when used separately. Research suggests between 48-83% more effective.

Last word
The combination of all three—spanking, learning task, and deterrent task—fulfill the three primary factors I looked for. The spanking can be administered quickly to fulfill the quick response factor. The learning task allows the sub to learn from the experience. And the deterrent task is specifically designed so the sub would never want to endure it again.
Just remember that everyone is different, and each plan needs to be tailor-made for the Dom and sub it will be used for and by.

Never neglect the romance

Doms that don’t make time or put forth the effort to keep romance alive in their D/s relationships eventually rue the day they stopped.

I’ve been involved in D/s a long time. And I’ve noticed that both fledgling and experienced Doms can succumb to this neglectful and negative practice.

Fledgling Doms—of any age, not just the young—often go thru periods of Dom-frenzy. Their sex-life has never been better and they want to experience it all. After all, they simply have to demand it from their sub and she obeys. So, why waste time on romance?

The experienced Doms that eventually fall into the no romance trap usually do so because of stagnation: the exact opposite (or 180-degrees) of Dom-frenzy. Their relationships are stuck in a rut, going nowhere. Just the same old thing on a different day.

Any relationship can get dusty or rusty if it is not maintained. Remind your mate daily how much you love, cherish, and adore her. It doesn’t have to take a lot of time; but it’s time well spent. Yet, if you truly love her you will do even more.

Pursue her and woo her like you did when you first met. Show her she is worth winning over-and-over: as much now as she ever was.

Keep the romance alive. Maintain your solid foundation of love and your relationship can weather every storm or obstacle it comes across.

As Dom it’s my responsibility

The necessities of daily life and time spent away from your mate can easily create situations that may affect your relationship. This can happen to anyone, not just those of us in D/s relationships.

Job, family, kids, health problems, and times apart can sap your energy and steer your focus away from your mate.

The recent incident involving kat occurred during a period when a combination of issues commanded more of our time.

Since the new year began I have endured two emergency room visits, which led to hospital stays of several days each, along with rehabilitation time and multiple doctor visits. And this came after taking on an extra project for an organization I belong to (that I spoke about in a prior post). Plus, kat and I spend extended periods with me out of state.

Kat does her best to help in this partnership, but as Dom, it is my responsibility to try and keep everything running as smoothly as possible during these periods; including allotting enough time and energy for kat and the relationship. But in the latest situation the extenuating factors mentioned above clouded my eyes to some warning signals that I normally catch.

This does not absolve kat of willfully choosing to do something she knew was wrong. We’re both firm believers in accountability for our choices and actions. She knows this, accepted it, and has atoned for her actions.

I could have made her punishment harder, but I took the extenuating circumstances into consideration.

I equally held myself accountable, extenuating circumstances or not, for my lapse in observation and judgment. The fact that I was going through a healing period, was responsible for a new project, and away from kat for extended periods is no excuse.

The responsibility ultimately falls on the leader. And I am kat’s Dom and take that responsibility seriously.

Since this situation has occurred I’ve instituted several protocols and duties for kat, along with additional Dom duties for myself, in an effort to keep our relationship a top priority at all times. And to counter the detrimental effects caused by the daily grind and other influences.

It’s too early to tell how these additional measures will fare against new obstacles. But they have already pulled kat and I closer. We have even joked about having that “new love feeling and spark” all over again. And that alone makes the extra effort worth it.

Alpha’s response to a humbled kat

Humble Pie,” the recent post written by kat was hard for her to write. It’s not easy for most people to admit when they screw-up, especially when they screw-up royally. And, believe me, when kat said she “had to eat a big slice of humble pie,” she wasn’t kidding. She probably gained 20-lbs of humbleness in a single sitting.

Admirably, kat chose to do the post. It is not part of the punishments / consequences that I’ve meted out to atone for her disrespectful act.

Being her Dom and the recipient of the disrespectful act—make that extremely disrespectful—I have the right to expose her deceptive actions. It would be an interesting story and a good object lesson for others.

But I am kat’s Dom and have a greater responsibility to her. And she’s already punishing herself more than any outside influence could ever achieve. So, this story must wait to be told till the day we can both laugh at it in hindsight.

Regarding consequences, I’ve assigned some special tasks for kat to accomplish prior to my return home.

One of the consequences is a writing task specifically designed to make kat relive the incident as a learning experience. She has to spell out exactly what she did, what led up to it and why she believes she would choose to do something so contrary to who she is normally. She must also include a formal apology to me with a promise to accept all punishment and consequences and never do anything like it again.

The second task is the deterrent task. I will not divulge the specifics, but it is a displeasing task from kat’s standpoint to deter her from ever deciding to do the same “naughty girl” action ever again.

Those of you that read kat’s post know that upon my return home she will receive a well-deserved spanking. But she knows it will be delivered without anger, and from a foundation of love. With plenty of after-care to begin the healing.

After that we’ll both be able to put it behind us and move forward: kat healing from the guilt and shame, and me healing from the hurt of fresh cuts to the heart (metaphorically speaking of course).

Best Laid Plans

I’ve rode motorcycles most of my life. No matter which way my energy flows riding a bike grounds me. When I’m angry I ride. When I’m happy or sad I ride. If I’m confused and need to think… you got it…I ride.

I’m sure you get my drift. So, anytime I have to do without riding my life seems out of balance. Exactly the condition I found myself in lately because some drunk motherfucker cut short when turning left from the road he was on and clipped the front of my bike while I was in the right-hand turn lane.

While my bike jolted and twisted out from under me to the left, the inertia catapulted me ass over end to the right. And the intoxicated buffoon continued down the road, weaving all over the place: a hit and run.

So, you can imagine how good it felt to be astride my new Harley-Davidson as I cruised down the street, cut the engine, and coasted into our driveway. I wanted it to be a surprise to kat.

She wasn’t expecting me home for another hour. And she was in the bedroom at the back of the house exercising with the music playing. So, she was startled, like a deer in the headlights, when I entered.

“What are you doing home so early?” she asked.

“I want some quality time with you,” I said.

Which piqued her interest.

“But not here,” I said. “Get dressed and wear your black knee-high boots.”

Kat took some time to freshen up, but was still ready within a half-hour.

She rarely asks where we’re going. She knows me too well. It can be anything from a walk in the park to an elegant dinner to a week in Las Vegas and I still won’t tell.

In my view, everywhere we go is to be used for quality time. Yes, even day-to-day running around. It took me a long time to find my perfect mate. So, we try to make positive memories out of practically everything we do.

When kat was about to exit the house, I stopped her.

“Pull your leggings and panties down,” I said. “And face the door.”

She looked at me inquisitively but complied.

“Spread your cheeks,” I said, while reaching into my pocket.

Knowing what was coming this time, she again complied.

I placed a large dollop of Astro-Glide on the top of the bejeweled butt-plug, then began to rotate it around her tight little anus. After the plug and her asshole were well lubed I began to tease her while testing the resistance of her sphincter to accept the object.

I continued until she began to softly moan and the resistance waned. And I slowly but firmly eased the plug thru the puckered portal of pleasure that has given me more positive memories than I could ever recount.

I grabbed a fistful of kat’s hair and held it tightly as I whispered close to her ear.

“Release your cheeks,” I said. “Now bend forward, hands on knees, legs apart.”

She obeyed.

Without hesitation or explanation, I began to spank kat’s sexy ass. I predominantly start barehanded, and this was no exception. Mostly to warm her up before the harder spanking to come; but also, for my pleasure: enjoying skin-on-skin.

It didn’t take long for her to moan, and her body squirm under my tactile attention. And the double sensations—butt-plug and stinging cheeks—quickly brought her to the edge of orgasm… which I denied.

I gave her a moment to compose herself as I grabbed a belt and folded it in thirds (my preferred style) instead of double like most people I’ve seen.

The swish of the air, loud crack of leather on bare flesh, and the suppressed yelp elicited from kat sent chills thru my body and my cock strained against the zipper of my jeans.

Kat’s whimpers and moans, when she’s completely aroused, also thrill me to the core.

Fuck it! I thought.

I originally planned on denying kat an orgasm before we took the ride. But I’m a spontaneous kind of guy, who thinks most plans are just guidelines. They can be altered at any time.

I gave kat two groupings of fifteen swats with the belt, then fondled and finger-fucked her sopping wet cunt after each grouping. Then finished with a long, hard grouping of thirty swats, that she couldn’t quite finish, beginning an impact orgasm after the twenty-seventh swat: though I finished the other three anyway.

Kat screamed “Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!” to begin the physical release, which lasted over a minute.

During that time my want became need, and I firmly pushed her against the door, spread her legs wider, forced her to thrust her ass out, shoved down my jeans and shorts, and thrust my throbbing cock deep into her wet pussy.

I fiercely wanted an orgasm but I remained in control and alternated my thrusting patterns. I slammed it in and eased it out, followed by steady half-in half-out thrusts, followed by a rapid in-and-out motion just at the entrance, followed by the slow but constant deep thrusts—which brought kat off again. So, I jackhammered her deep and hard, which sent another orgasm coursing thru her body as I finally shot my cum inside her quivering cunt.

I held her firmly till the throes of orgasmic release subsided, then continued to hold her simply because I love to.

I still planned on showing her the new Harley and taking her for a ride. But, at this point, we could both use a little freshening up.