Alpha’s Bawdy Word Play: 8th edition

[Alpha’s modern version of Bawdy Humor and Erotica similar to the Vaudeville & Burlesque periods.]

No Clowning Around
I was handed a flyer
From a modern town crier
Announcing an upcoming event
I was in town for a short stay
So, I might as well play
Especially if I can get sexually spent
I mistook “a rousing good time”
For “an arousing good time,”
And in this case the two didn’t mix
I arrived with a sexy move
But quickly lost my groove
When I saw clowns with bags of tricks
Clown feet and clown face
Are a dimension out of place
I see nothing sexy in slapstick
Contrary to the rumor
I do have a sense of humor
But no balloon animals on my dick
Keep your flower that shoots jelly
And your jack-in-the-box willie
Just give me tits, cunt, and ass
The clown car is not a sex-mobile
And a clown chick is no deal
Who wants a honking horn BJ? How crass!
Send the clowns back to clown school
Just leave me a nympho or two
And enough time for a multiple orgasm
Cease the clown parade
And the belly-laughs sex charade
You can’t climax with a stitch-in-the-side spasm
A dozen clowns in a phone booth: “Hello”
Now they frolic in a pool of Jello
Orgy-like it may seem, but it ain’t
They make body parts wiggle and jiggle
No orgasmic scream, just a giggle
I need to go back to the rez’ and the war-paint

Gag free
The biggest cunnilingus killjoy
Are still curlicues where tongues deploy
So, shave the hair
Keep your pussy bare
For a gag free delight: Oh boy!

Anal shag
The rhythm of the rut
While penetrating the butt
In an anal shag
By the Dominant stag
Builds the arousal to pop his nut

 

Have a good day!

Is D/s my real life?

I noticed that several blogs have been pondering the question “Is D/s my real life?” Five simple words, but the more I thought about it the more it intrigued me. And yet, the more convoluted it also became, for I realized it could go in various directions depending upon what perspective I chose.

For instance, I was brought into the D/s world as a teenager. And those who read the posts where I explained how that occurred might recall that it was a long-term negative experience. So, one might pose the question, how could it be my real life if I was manipulated into it by an authority figure over twice my age?

On the other hand, I am a natural Alpha male. So, even in my off-and-on periods of vanilla life I was the rugged individualist that was always in traditional male-led relationships.

Hell, even as a teenager, the Alpha in me couldn’t be completely suppressed. I eventually turned my manipulator’s tricks against her: controlling her for the last half of the relationship, before severing ties with her to go into the military.

My first marriage was not D/s oriented, but my second was. And during the long period between the two, when playing the field, there were far more so-called vanilla relationships than D/s. And yet, D/s clearly held the stronger sexual attraction if you go by labeled definitions.

Does that stronger sexual attraction prove D/s is my “real” life? Not really. As a natural Alpha I enjoyed the same sexual pleasures—with few exceptions—in my vanilla relationships that I presently enjoy in my D/s relationship.

Vanilla girls that were attracted to me as a “bad boy” when I was younger, or to my rugged individualism when I was older, allowed me to push their sexual boundaries with little resistance.

If that’s true, why do I choose to live in a 24/7 D/s relationship? And doesn’t being in a 24/7 D/s relationship prove D/s is my “real” life? — Not necessarily.

What I realized when trying to answer this question is that saying yes or no is purely built on social constructs. If I’m the same natural Alpha in my vanilla existence that I am in my D/s existence, then how can one be more “real” than the other?

It can’t be.

The truth is that I am the same person in both vanilla and D/s worlds. The difference is not me, because I’m the same person whether I’m actively in one or the other.

The difference is how I am perceived by those caught-up in the social constructs of the vanilla and D/s worlds. In other words, society’s long-standing need to label everything and everyone for quick and easy reference.

Then why choose one or the other if both lifestyles are social constructs? Because humans predominantly make that choice based on either familiarity (how they were raised), or where they feel more accepted and allowed to be themselves.

I choose a 24/7 D/s lifestyle because that label is the closest fit to me within the social constructs of vanilla or D/s. For instance, several of the vanilla females that allowed me to spank and fuck their asses had nothing but derogatory things to say about women in D/s relationships, or D/s in general. Which doesn’t make a lot of sense (because I do the same activity in both worlds), but they are hung-up on the labels.

The D/s community is not much different. It’s a social construct just like the vanilla world, but my so-called kinky proclivities in the vanilla world allow me to be more accepted in the D/s world. But I’m the same person either way, in either world.

So, is D/s my “real” life? Absolutely not. And neither is vanilla or any other socially constructed label. But D/s is the closest label I have to use within society to explain certain parts of who I am and how I choose to live with kat.

Kat and I chose our relationship together based on the unconditional love we have for each other. And we chose to utilize D/s to enhance the relationship. But it is still just a label attached to behavior or activities that I would do with or without the label. In fact, it was a part of me long before I was “in” the D/s community. The label just makes it easier to explain because it’s based on a social construct they can relate to…not really because it’s who I am or not.

D/s: Three-part punishment plan

There was some interest shown over a recent post when I briefly described a 3-part punishment plan. So, I decided to elaborate a little more on the topic.

First off, I do not use the 3-part plan for every offense. There are various minor infractions that do not require more than a stern warning or quick spanking. But I have found the 3-part plan beneficial for all medium to major offenses.

Why the 3-part plan?
Anyone that has followed us for any length of time knows that I have been in D/s a long time. So, I have read, heard, or seen just about every imaginable concept of punishment in or out of the D/s community.

Before settling on a plan that fit my personality and beliefs (as a Dom and a man) I drew heavily on my psychology training and investigative experience.

I had enough experience and knowledge to know the basic elements I was looking for. After all, it was basic common sense. I just needed a workable plan that I could use in any given situation with the proper results: that my sub/kat would not (or rarely) commit the same offense again.

The three primary factors I looked for was a quick response, a way for my sub/kat to learn from the experience, and something to ensure that she would not want to do it again. And that’s how I settled on the idea of combining corporeal punishment with a learning task and a deterrent task.

Corporeal punishment
Spanking is effective as long as the practice is not abused. In fact, there is a wealth of evidence to show that corporeal punishment—when properly applied—can have long-lasting positive effects.

Psychologically speaking, the best results occur if you adhere to the following: (1) the closer the spanking is to the infraction the greater the mental connection it will have on the offender (spanking on the same day as the offense is preferable, though not always possible). (2) Absolutely NEVER spank when you’re angry and not thoroughly in control of your emotions. It is the #1 reason why people turn a positive act, like corporeal punishment, into an abusive situation. (3) Calmly communicate with your sub prior to the spanking: reminding them of their infraction, their consensual agreement to punishment for negative behavior which can affect the relationship, and your love for them. (4) Administer the appropriate spanking for that particular infraction. (5) And follow it with affectionate after-care while reminding them again of your love.

Learning task
Psychologically speaking, again, there is plenty of evidence to show that humans made to confront their negative behavior—in combination with corporeal punishment—are more likely to abstain from the behavior in the future. Various research has shown between 32-65% more offenders have abstained from recommitting their offense when the two were combined.

For the best results, make sure the learning task is created specifically for the offender: taking into account their personality and primary way of learning.

Deterrent task
Although corporeal punishment and learning tasks can be useful deterrents to bad behavior, it is a good idea to include a specific deterrent task designed for the offender.

The task should be appropriate to the offense and be so disliked by the offender that they will not want to do it again.

Deterrent tasks—combined with corporeal punishment and learning tasks—are even more effective then when used separately. Research suggests between 48-83% more effective.

Last word
The combination of all three—spanking, learning task, and deterrent task—fulfill the three primary factors I looked for. The spanking can be administered quickly to fulfill the quick response factor. The learning task allows the sub to learn from the experience. And the deterrent task is specifically designed so the sub would never want to endure it again.
Just remember that everyone is different, and each plan needs to be tailor-made for the Dom and sub it will be used for and by.

As Dom it’s my responsibility

The necessities of daily life and time spent away from your mate can easily create situations that may affect your relationship. This can happen to anyone, not just those of us in D/s relationships.

Job, family, kids, health problems, and times apart can sap your energy and steer your focus away from your mate.

The recent incident involving kat occurred during a period when a combination of issues commanded more of our time.

Since the new year began I have endured two emergency room visits, which led to hospital stays of several days each, along with rehabilitation time and multiple doctor visits. And this came after taking on an extra project for an organization I belong to (that I spoke about in a prior post). Plus, kat and I spend extended periods with me out of state.

Kat does her best to help in this partnership, but as Dom, it is my responsibility to try and keep everything running as smoothly as possible during these periods; including allotting enough time and energy for kat and the relationship. But in the latest situation the extenuating factors mentioned above clouded my eyes to some warning signals that I normally catch.

This does not absolve kat of willfully choosing to do something she knew was wrong. We’re both firm believers in accountability for our choices and actions. She knows this, accepted it, and has atoned for her actions.

I could have made her punishment harder, but I took the extenuating circumstances into consideration.

I equally held myself accountable, extenuating circumstances or not, for my lapse in observation and judgment. The fact that I was going through a healing period, was responsible for a new project, and away from kat for extended periods is no excuse.

The responsibility ultimately falls on the leader. And I am kat’s Dom and take that responsibility seriously.

Since this situation has occurred I’ve instituted several protocols and duties for kat, along with additional Dom duties for myself, in an effort to keep our relationship a top priority at all times. And to counter the detrimental effects caused by the daily grind and other influences.

It’s too early to tell how these additional measures will fare against new obstacles. But they have already pulled kat and I closer. We have even joked about having that “new love feeling and spark” all over again. And that alone makes the extra effort worth it.

Best Laid Plans

I’ve rode motorcycles most of my life. No matter which way my energy flows riding a bike grounds me. When I’m angry I ride. When I’m happy or sad I ride. If I’m confused and need to think… you got it…I ride.

I’m sure you get my drift. So, anytime I have to do without riding my life seems out of balance. Exactly the condition I found myself in lately because some drunk motherfucker cut short when turning left from the road he was on and clipped the front of my bike while I was in the right-hand turn lane.

While my bike jolted and twisted out from under me to the left, the inertia catapulted me ass over end to the right. And the intoxicated buffoon continued down the road, weaving all over the place: a hit and run.

So, you can imagine how good it felt to be astride my new Harley-Davidson as I cruised down the street, cut the engine, and coasted into our driveway. I wanted it to be a surprise to kat.

She wasn’t expecting me home for another hour. And she was in the bedroom at the back of the house exercising with the music playing. So, she was startled, like a deer in the headlights, when I entered.

“What are you doing home so early?” she asked.

“I want some quality time with you,” I said.

Which piqued her interest.

“But not here,” I said. “Get dressed and wear your black knee-high boots.”

Kat took some time to freshen up, but was still ready within a half-hour.

She rarely asks where we’re going. She knows me too well. It can be anything from a walk in the park to an elegant dinner to a week in Las Vegas and I still won’t tell.

In my view, everywhere we go is to be used for quality time. Yes, even day-to-day running around. It took me a long time to find my perfect mate. So, we try to make positive memories out of practically everything we do.

When kat was about to exit the house, I stopped her.

“Pull your leggings and panties down,” I said. “And face the door.”

She looked at me inquisitively but complied.

“Spread your cheeks,” I said, while reaching into my pocket.

Knowing what was coming this time, she again complied.

I placed a large dollop of Astro-Glide on the top of the bejeweled butt-plug, then began to rotate it around her tight little anus. After the plug and her asshole were well lubed I began to tease her while testing the resistance of her sphincter to accept the object.

I continued until she began to softly moan and the resistance waned. And I slowly but firmly eased the plug thru the puckered portal of pleasure that has given me more positive memories than I could ever recount.

I grabbed a fistful of kat’s hair and held it tightly as I whispered close to her ear.

“Release your cheeks,” I said. “Now bend forward, hands on knees, legs apart.”

She obeyed.

Without hesitation or explanation, I began to spank kat’s sexy ass. I predominantly start barehanded, and this was no exception. Mostly to warm her up before the harder spanking to come; but also, for my pleasure: enjoying skin-on-skin.

It didn’t take long for her to moan, and her body squirm under my tactile attention. And the double sensations—butt-plug and stinging cheeks—quickly brought her to the edge of orgasm… which I denied.

I gave her a moment to compose herself as I grabbed a belt and folded it in thirds (my preferred style) instead of double like most people I’ve seen.

The swish of the air, loud crack of leather on bare flesh, and the suppressed yelp elicited from kat sent chills thru my body and my cock strained against the zipper of my jeans.

Kat’s whimpers and moans, when she’s completely aroused, also thrill me to the core.

Fuck it! I thought.

I originally planned on denying kat an orgasm before we took the ride. But I’m a spontaneous kind of guy, who thinks most plans are just guidelines. They can be altered at any time.

I gave kat two groupings of fifteen swats with the belt, then fondled and finger-fucked her sopping wet cunt after each grouping. Then finished with a long, hard grouping of thirty swats, that she couldn’t quite finish, beginning an impact orgasm after the twenty-seventh swat: though I finished the other three anyway.

Kat screamed “Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!” to begin the physical release, which lasted over a minute.

During that time my want became need, and I firmly pushed her against the door, spread her legs wider, forced her to thrust her ass out, shoved down my jeans and shorts, and thrust my throbbing cock deep into her wet pussy.

I fiercely wanted an orgasm but I remained in control and alternated my thrusting patterns. I slammed it in and eased it out, followed by steady half-in half-out thrusts, followed by a rapid in-and-out motion just at the entrance, followed by the slow but constant deep thrusts—which brought kat off again. So, I jackhammered her deep and hard, which sent another orgasm coursing thru her body as I finally shot my cum inside her quivering cunt.

I held her firmly till the throes of orgasmic release subsided, then continued to hold her simply because I love to.

I still planned on showing her the new Harley and taking her for a ride. But, at this point, we could both use a little freshening up.