D/s-BDSM: Is it degrading to women?

In the ‘information age’, when an abundance of knowledge on practically every human topic is just a mouse-click away, I am still amazed at the amount of myths that not only refuse to die but seem to flourish.

A standard myth attached to D/s – BDSM is the misconception that the majority of these relationships—and the subculture in general—thrive on the degradation of women. And yet, it’s a myth that could not be further from the truth.

In all areas involving human participation you can find a bad element. BDSM is no exception in that respect. However, it is a miniscule percentage that is usually found among posers and wannabes that predominantly slither in and around the public venues and online hook-ups.

Personal Experience

The male role-models in my life predominantly taught me to follow the traditional values regarding females: love, cherish, honor, respect, and protect them. And, for the most part, I adhered to those teachings. But, not always.

In all honesty, there was a very confused and chaotic period in my life—much of it created through the actions of females—when, as a natural alpha, I consciously suppressed my normal inclination to protect the fair sex.

During that chaotic period, though filled with anger, I was still able to recognize various areas in society where sexism was either blatant or disguised. And even through the anger it bothered my sense of fair play.

It was also during that period that I became aware of the BDSM community.

Following a lengthy period of introspection and self-discovery I overcame my anger issues. And I quickly became aware of how my natural alpha personality fit comfortably into the D/s lifestyle. And the traditional views I had been taught since birth (how to honor, respect, and protect women, etc.) seemed tailor-made for being a Dom, and the responsibilities of the position: fulfilling the sub’s wants and needs while keeping them protected and safe.

The Power Exchange

Much of the myth claiming BDSM is degrading to women centers around misconceptions involving the Power Exchange customary in D/s relationships.

Much of the vanilla world is under the false belief that Doms are all male, subs are all female, and subs automatically give over total control to Doms; which, those of us involved in D/s relationships know is completely absurd.

All Doms are not male. All subs are not female. And, like the rest of society, all D/s relationships are not just male and female.

The Power Exchange is not an all-take, one-sided proposition. It is a negotiated agreement between two equal partners that is built on a loving, or consent and trust, foundation. And the more control given up by the sub transfers an equal amount of responsibility to the Dom to fulfill the sub’s wants and needs, while keeping them protected and safe.

Fem-doms / Dommes

While the Power Exchange shows both Dom and sub are equal partners in D/s relationships, the fact that there are fem-doms (Dommes) reaffirms the BDSM community’s acceptance of female equality.

Any culture, or subculture, that allows females to occupy the position of power subsequently cannot be a culture that predominantly degrades women.

Sub humiliation

Some myth defenders would like people to believe that because there are predominantly more female subs with male Doms involved with scenes or sessions using humiliation / degradation actions and words, it “proves” D/s is more degrading to women. But, that is completely illogical.

Doms only use humiliation / degradation in scenes after communication with their sub shows the sub’s desire and consent to have it used. In fact, any Dom that uses humiliation without consent is a poser or wannabe, and the sub should flee as fast as they can.

What others say

GS says: I’ve never felt degraded as a woman involved in D/s. I actually feel empowered.

KT says: I have gained strength during my two-years in the BDSM community. I have been able to do things I never thought I would be able to do for myself, for my pleasure and sexual growth.

PD says: My mate is my Domme. She has the control. And the humiliation to me is consensual.

JB says: Being involved in BDSM has allowed me to grow into the woman I’ve always wished I could be concerning my sexual identity.

Last Word

Let me iterate, in legitimate relationships in the D/s – BDSM community, Doms and subs are always equal partners. And any humiliation or degradation is primarily consensual (except in situations with posers, etc.). Unfortunately, as long as the vanilla world reads or watches misrepresentations of the D/s – BDSM world, myths will continue. Only through familiarization of the real thing will the myths dissolve.

Alpha’s Bawdy Word Play: 3rd Installment

Here is the 3rd installment of Alpha’s bawdy word play, erotica, or tongue-twisters.


Delightful Disorder
I seek dishevelment of your dress
Eschew your clothing for wantonness
I care not if they be elegant or lavish
For it is you I love and lust; just you I wish to ravish
No lace to hide thy face; no silk and satin shield
I rip, shred, and cast asunder, yearning flesh to be revealed
Passion conquers patience, when Dom craves sub or slave
Tempestuous actions, wave upon wave
Till there’s nothing left of your attire
Just the burning flames of human desire
Not one fabric thread left upon skin
After romantic ravishing it would be a sin
But, there upon the neck you’ll find
An ornate metal collar: a symbol divine
Possessed and owned by the one who loves thee
Who equally bears his commitment about his neck…
In the form of a heart-shaped key

Cupid’s Cutie
Cupid cuddled with a cutie
In an unofficial duty
And he popped the cherry booty
Of this sexy little beauty
Imagine his surprise
When thru enamored eyes
He finally realized
The sexy booty cutie
Had seduced him with lies
After sex he had kissed her
And she had left and he had missed her
Then his body began to blister
An STD that began to fester
But here’s the real tester
Cupid’s cutie was his long-lost sister

Cleever the Beaver
Cleever the Beaver had a fever
And didn’t feel very well
And he felt like he would vomit from the unknown Comet
His mate has fed him for a spell
But Cleever the Beaver soon felt his mate was a deceiver
Which made him mad enough to kill
So, Cleever cleaved her, then heaved her
In various parts over-the-hill
Where Cleever the Beaver decided to leave her
With all her parts scattered around
Knowing all the parts would disappear
Cuz’ of all the scavengers that abound
Now, Cleever the Beaver has no fever
And he’s back to feeling well

Adam Bristol
Adam Bristol has a sex-pistol
He made it in shop class today
His sister, Crystal, demo’d the sex-pistol
And received an instant “A”
Adam went from nerd to top of the herd
Cuz’ of his orgasmic invention
He was even tagged a “bad boy”
And was given his first detention
The detention was just a ploy
Created by Principal Hatch
To try out Adam’s new toy
Deep within her hairless snatch
She whimpered and moaned
And screamed with delight
As he triggered the speeds
And topped her off right
Adam’s position continued to grow
His future looked quite bright
Maidenheads popped, with cool after-glow
And love and lust steadily ignite
Then bribes from moms and pops
Any amount to alleviate fears
Adam is not son-in-law material
But now he can afford his dream careers
The moral of the story regarding the sex-pistol
Is that anything that makes a happy girl or wife
Can give you the means to dream
And with dreams create your own happy life

Doms should never assume

There is an old saying that states: If you assume, you make an ‘ass’ out of ‘u’ and ‘me.’

Let me give you an example that began on the 5th of July in 2013. After going to the local ER, they took x-rays and did ultrasounds on me. The ER doctor gave a diagnosis that would radically alter my life. I was placed on oxygen and a regimen of medications, and then handed off to the VA doctors to follow-up the treatments.

I was told to use the oxygen 24/7, and that I would be on it the rest of my life, along with the medications.

I never did use the oxygen 24/7, and I eventually convinced them to cancel it. They also lowered the meds but refused to cancel them.

Over the next 5 years there were additional hospital stays, multiple exams with dozens of medical professionals, including 2 VA primary care physicians. And they all prescribed modified treatments for my diagnosed conditions.

That is, until recently, when I acquired a new primary care doctor. A doctor that chooses not to assume. Instead of following up on the set regimen, he went back over my entire medical history. And after double-checking all the x-rays, etc., he felt the original ER doctor misdiagnosed me back in 2013. And he set me up with some additional tests to verify his conclusion.

The final test was done in the wee hours of the morning on March 8th, 2018. By the afternoon, my doctor let me know I could stop the meds, because he confirmed I was misdiagnosed.

For 5 years each medical professional simply assumed the first diagnosis was correct, and it clouded their minds to every test, exam, condition, and even side-effects that I’ve endured until I finally got a doctor that looked at the evidence with fresh, unclouded eyes…and never assumed anything.

What kind of a Dom would I be if I assumed, upon meeting kat, that she needed me to be exactly like my previous D/s mate?

If I would have treated kat like my late wife needed and wanted to be treated it would have turned into a colossal fuck-up, just like all those medical professionals treating me based on a misdiagnosis they simply assumed to be correct.

Everyone is a unique individual, including all subs, and they need to be dealt with on an individual basis. Communicate, observe, and learn about them. And never make the foolish mistake of assuming something. Make sure before you act on it.

Alpha’s Quotes: 8th installment

This is the 8th installment of Alpha’s humorous, witty, or common-sense quotes.


“All successful D/s relationships come about thru an abundance of communication, trial, and error.”

“Straight Doms should never bend over in front of a switch sub.”

“If you don’t take the time to find a compatible mate you’ll discover any time with a non-compatible mate is a waste of time.”

“Pride may come before a fall, but monster egos cause more relationship fuck-ups.”

“If you can’t satisfy your sub, don’t get mad at them.”

“A Dom is a protector, that’s what you represent; so, don’t ever abuse your sub beyond agreed consent.”

“If you’re too wasted to know which orifice you’re about to lick, suck, or fuck, postpone it till later, cuz’ you’re not fit to satisfy it anyway.”

“Don’t ever give your sub a reason to resent giving consent.”

“A smart ass gets a little wiser with each punishment.”

“Threesomes wouldn’t be so taxing if you didn’t have to bring in a third person to do it.”


Have a good day!

Alpha’s Quotes: 7th installment

This is the 7th installment of Alpha’s humorous, witty, or common sense quotes.


“A sub that’s tied and gagged learns more than a poser free to brag.”

“A solicitous sub is a godsend to a new Dom.”

“D/s isn’t easy, but it’s worth the effort. So, if you’re not putting forth the effort, don’t complain about the outcome.”

“Don’t judge a sub by their submission or a Dom by their dominance; judge both by the full-measure of their humanity.”

“A Dom that makes their sub constantly walk on egg shells will fall from grace like Humpty Dumpty.”

“If your sub loves to struggle against her binds, don’t use knots that self-tighten.”

“Posers hover around wannabe subs like vultures around a carcass.”

“Even a sassy sub needs to be ungagged if you want a blow-job.”

“Posers that throw their weight around with a sub, are soon alone with only their dick to rub.”

“You can speak your mind daily; have your say, and speak your piece; while your head is between thighs lip-synching, with a pure tongue-in-cheek release.”


Have a good day!