Know when to hold—Know when to fold

Anyone that has ever played poker has probably heard the phrase, “You’ve got to know when to hold, and know when to fold.” And we’ve all heard stories of people who don’t follow that advice and end up losing a lot.

Knowing when to hold and when to fold is also good advice for relationships. In fact, it’s crucial in D/s—BDSM relationships, because of the communication and trust levels required since there are many activities that can cause mental, physical, and emotional harm if the partners are not in tune with each other.

I have shown in prior posts that, statistically speaking, individuals involved in loving relationships before transitioning into D/s—BDSM have a far greater success rate than individuals attempting to find the right mate while they explore the kink world at munches, play parties, dungeons, online hook-ups, etc.

It is just so much easier to begin and build a D/s dynamic into a relationship when you already have a loving foundation, good communication, mutual respect, and trust. That is why, from a psychological standpoint, I always encourage individuals to find a loving mate that is compatible with them in as many areas as possible prior to transitioning to a D/s dynamic. It allows them the best of both worlds while giving them the best chance for a successful D/s relationship. And, as previously stated, all available data that I’ve researched confirms that perspective.

However, that does not mean successful D/s relationships cannot be attained in other ways. Sure, they can. But there will usually be more obstacles to overcome; particularly when trying to find a loving, compatible mate simultaneously while starting a D/s dynamic.

It is hard enough for long-term loving couples to transition into a D/s dynamic. So, you can imagine the additional strain placed on individuals attempting to begin a D/s dynamic when they do not even know important things about their mate; like how much they like or love each other, what areas they may or may not have compatibility, can they communicate well together, do they have mutual respect, and have they had time to earn each other’s trust.

Individuals who begin under such circumstances with so many obstacles ahead of them must remain focused and keep a level head. If they allow themselves to get carried away in the newness of it all, and succumb to the physical cravings and satisfactions instead of keeping a mature perspective, they can and will run headlong into problems that could have easily been avoided.

ZL: After reading about D/s—BDSM she became fascinated with the prospect of being a sub to a loving dom. Never one to wait for what she wants, she plunged into the kink community: both local and online. She communicated with over fifty prospective doms in a two-week period…and made her choice. She then foolishly signed a contract with him during their first meeting/session; and was conned into believing it was a legal document.

He moved in with her, took control, and slowly brought her into a state of seclusion. With very limited contact with family and friends, and trying to be a good sub to a dom that was never satisfied, she became miserable. A situation that would last nearly six-months. She finally told a brother returning from military duty overseas, and he immediately threw the guy and his meager possessions out of her place.

Sadly, while still yearning to be a sub, she was traumatized so much by her first mistake that she has not been able to commit to another dom since. She’s had sessions with over forty doms since that episode—including a few fem-doms—and hasn’t been able to even do a trial commitment.

For anyone considering a jump into the D/s—BDSM world, especially those that do not presently have a loving mate, make sure your head is where it should be. Find out as much about the D/s—BDSM world as you can. Make some online friends, and maybe friends in the local kink community that you can question. And take time to make a plan, one that you intend to stick with and will not alter unless you have a very good reason. And when you spend time with a prospective partner remember the advice: know when to hold, and know when to fold.

D/s: Word of Warning!

There is nothing inherently wrong with pursuing pleasure or attempting to fulfill a fantasy. I’ve definitely pursued those paths often. However, there are many factors within the D/s—BDSM world that need to be considered prior to pursuing the pleasure path or engaging in some fantasy fare. So many things can go wrong when you’re trying to connect with strangers for possible relationships, instant sexual gratification, or even so-called innocent play and bonding at public events.

I have handled hundreds of domestic and criminal cases over two decades as an investigator. And I’ve officially and privately researched thousands of cases involving D/s—BDSM: compiling a collection of cases for psychological studies.

There is an overabundance of evidence to show that too many individuals and couples fail to heed the warnings, discard common sense, and throw caution to the wind in the pursuit of pleasure. Such choices lead to physical, emotional, and psychological pain; destroyed relationships and/or undue burden on loved ones, and many other consequences including kidnapping, rape, and murder.

A sad truth in our society, even in the information age, is that most law enforcement officers, attorneys, and social workers are ill-equipped, poorly trained, or completely clueless with regard to cases involving a D/s dynamic. Most are misclassified, many deem the dynamic to be irrelevant, and others are noted but overlooked or missed entirely.

So, allow me once more to be the voice of reason. But first, I’ll relate some real-life examples to help inspire you to heed the warning.

CZ: A college coed who became interested in the D/s—BDSM community after a campus discussion involving various speakers in sex trades and alternate lifestyles. Her roommate said an incident with one of the speakers following the discussion was the catalyst that fueled an instant obsession: one she pursued in earnest.

She devoured information about the specific lifestyle she fantasized about, and made her first online hook-up at the end of the first week. She made four the second week, and another four the following week, but she would never make the final hook-up. Her body was found in a muddy ditch in a lightly wooded area near a construction site.

LW: A high-school student, he had a chance meeting with an older individual in a public restroom at a park. The encounter sparked a desire to pursue that type of activity further, but he wasn’t convinced that he wanted the whole lifestyle. Therefore, since he was a high-school student and athlete in a comparatively small rural town, he chose to pursue the fantasy in a larger city across the border in a neighboring state.

He set-up a meet with a male a few years older, but with a similar background as his. Unfortunately, it was a fake online persona. One man was a decoy, soon joined by three others. He was robbed, gang-raped, and beat mercilessly. He survived, but can never play sports again.

KI: A hardworking single-mother that found herself lonely and seeking companionship after the last of her two children married and left the nest. She tried a few blind-dates and dating sites with dismal results. But her time spent online led her to D/s—BDSM sites and blogs that portrayed the kink community far differently than the stereotypical Hollywood versions. The sites led her to local events, which appeared to have awakened desires that laid dormant for years.

The amount of activities she pursued in a relatively short period seemed to suggest what is termed “sub-frenzy.” Then she disappeared the day before her birthday. And the last known contact with family was a message to her sister, telling her not to worry if she couldn’t be reached, cuz’ she was about to have the sexiest birthday of her life.

Yes, a lot of pleasure can be had in the D/s—BDSM world as long as you take the time to become informed, and don’t discard the common-sense steps to remain protected and safe. And there are many good sites and blogs with posts covering ideas on how to remain safe. Do yourself a favor and google a few. You don’t want your path to pleasure bringing you into the arms of posers and predators.

I’ve seen the negative aftermath too many times, and researched many more. And, sadly, a vast majority of the horrific endings could have easily been prevented.

Alpha’s Bawdy Word Play: No# 16

[Alpha’s modern version of bawdy rhymes and erotica from the vaudeville and burlesque periods.]

Heavenly Host
For once, dear Anna met a heavenly host
A man of many talents, but never did boast
Come meet him, she said
Pay no mind that he’s dead
The sex may be kinky, but he’s a gentlemanly ghost

For Profit
You’re not that kind of mistress, now come to my bed
You’ve taken the diamonds, now give me some head
My money’s like clay
Sculpt’s this slut day-to-day
Profit is her master, best made when clothes are all shed

Spanking
Off with those panties, show your naughty zone glistering
It’s time for a spanking, a leather belt blistering
First comes the warm-up, skin-upon-skin
Preparing your ass for some strict discipline
With a smack and a whack on your fleshy sweet spot
Your ass cheeks are burning, arousingly hot
Caressing your flesh makes you whimper and moan
Then smack with a paddle and you utter a groan
When the spanking is over and tears are all shed
You cuddle beside me; in my lap rests your head
It’s time for some lovin’, some sweet after-care
And contemplate why you sass me, then utter a dare

Bad Girl

Every Daddy needs his own special girl, just as every good girl needs her Daddy—even if you happen to be The Joker and Harley Quinn. Just goes to show, there’s someone for everyone…

Video here

“Bad Girl” by Avril Lavigne
(feat. Marilyn Manson)

Just lay your head in daddy’s lap, you’re a bad girl

Bad girl (1-2-3-4)

Hey, hey
I’ll let you walk all over me, me
You know that I’m a little tease, tease
But I want it pretty please, please

You know you know you know I’m crazy
I just wanna be your baby
You can fuck me, you can play me
You can love and you can hate me

Miss me, miss me, now you wanna kiss me

Choke me because I said so
Stroke me and feed my ego
I’ve been a bad girl, don’t you know?
(Don’t tell me what to do)
Come get it now or never
I’ll let you do whatever
I’ll be your bad girl, here we go
(1-2-3-4)

Miss me, miss me, now you wanna kiss me

(You’re a bad girl)

Baby
You know I want a little taste, taste
So let me take you all the way, way
You know you’ll never be the same, same

(You fuckin’ bad girl!)

One night
You won’t forget the rest of your life
So come on over to the wild side
Buckle up and, baby, hold on tight

Miss me, miss me, now you wanna kiss me
We both know that you love me ’cause I’m so bad

Choke me because I said so
Stroke me and feed my ego
I’ve been a bad girl, don’t you know?
(Don’t tell me what to do)
Come get it now or never
I’ll let you do whatever
I’ll be your bad girl, here we go
(1-2-3-4)

I’ve been a bad girl
I’ve been a bad girl
I’ll been a bad girl
I’ll been a bad girl
I’ve been a bad girl
I’ve been a bad girl
I’ll been a bad girl
I’m such a bad girl

Choke me because I said so
Stroke me and feed my ego
I’ve been a bad girl, don’t you know?
(Don’t tell me what to do)
Come get it now or never
I’ll let you do whatever
I’ll be your bad girl, here we go
(1-2-3-4)

Bad bad bad girl

One good turn deserves another

Eager, her beaver, to be touched and tongued. My lips
explored her adorable feminine tits. My eyes
assessed her breasts. I caressed the curvaceous hips,
the slim limbs, and admired with desire the smooth thighs.

Fingers often lingered upon cheek and neck. I sniffed
the subtle whiff of perfume. I lapped up the taste
of crook and nape. My fingers continued to drift
along ribs and tummy: goosebumps aroused along the waist.

Expanding and contracting trails that lazily strayed,
descending upon her mons veneris like predators. Felt arousal of prick,
but denial with a smile, more arousal, wait awhile: self-betrayed.
Penis pleading for juicy pussy: rock hard, a throb, a kick.

“I will tease to please,” I said. She shifted her legs in ascent.
Rolled to her side, spread her legs wide, allowed me to pass.
Alas, no gas! To the dark joy behind, I licked as I went
from clit to pussy to perineum to ass.

Spreading buttocks wide, arousal alive, urged me to begin.
I descend the sexy slopes and proceed to the puckered goal.
Quick flicking, tasteful licking, her crotch pressed my chin.
Her legs quivered and shivered from her tongue-wormed hole.

Her sensation afire, desired consummation. She untucked
her legs and lay waiting, panting with an expression of joy.
Arousingly charged, clit quite enlarged and aching to be sucked.
Clawing the sheets, far better than any fuck toy.

She inspected my erection. I perused her pussy with a stare
from mons level. A visual feast with eyes wide
I gazed thru the landscaped tuft of pubic hair
to the twin hills of breast beyond, sloping to opposite sides.

Returning to task, I scanned her crotch complete
from clit to anus. I relished the grace
of female genitalia. I tasted the delectable treat.
She shivered as I tongued the sliver of her clit: a slow deliberate pace.

Sucking with lips the miniscule dome or clitoral head.
With tongue’s tip I tickle the sensitive nub and groove.
She’s thrilled, I can tell. “Don’t stop!” she pleadingly said.
“More! More!” And achingly slow I did move.

Intently, but gently, my tongue trailed her pleasure place.
Inner and outer lips, enjoying the moments down
in each crook and cranny, then often would retrace
inch-by-inch to her throbbing nub-like crown.

Excitement within swelled. New desires did come
as I traveled her engorged labial walls.
I teased nerve-endings with finger and thumb
while pleasuring her pussy. I soon felt kat’s claws.

She did gyrate when I did penetrate steady and slow.
With every stroke I made a grinding twist with my cock.
Her undulation from my penetration, then she whimpered “Oh!”
She panted and moaned, elated from the pleasure shock.

Two slick fingers in her ass for multiple stimulation,
while prick pounding pussy grows hard as a rock.
She melted and swooned with euphoric sensations
and the inner sluices with her juices began to unlock.

Immeasurable pleasure urged thrusts double-quick.
Spasms, orgasms, vaginal and anal convulsing complete.
Sated lust, stress released, spunk filled and thick.
She said, “Can we take-5 Daddy, then flip me over and repeat?”