Alpha’s Bawdy Word Play: 15th edition

[Alpha’s modern version of bawdy rhymes and erotica similar to the burlesque and vaudeville periods.]

Salt-Peter
Do they still use salt-peter?
As they did quite long ago
When I was a boy
Or the boy was my dad
They slipped it in the meals
In the food that we had
Never given a choice
No voice of our own
And never had to be bad
A mess hall recipe’
In male-only institutions
A secret solution
To nature’s need…and morning woody
When missing your girl or wife
They figured less arousal…less strife
So, they measured out the salt-peter
A pleasure killing dirty trick
But some of us overcame
And still played the sexy game
When you can’t use a salty peter
You please your girl with a salty lick

Harry Hunk
Harry Hunk worked daily to build muscle
It serves him well for he’s won every tussle
He was hired to test security
To protect a queen’s purity
And he failed to get past her chastity belt and bustle

1849er Miner
An eighteen-forty-niner miner
Awoke with a notable shiner
Though he had no clue how he got it

A rather nice gent, his gold dust now spent
Bought rounds for the house, got fractured and bent
None of which explained how he got hit

A choice to survive, no wagon he would drive
A walk in fresh air might even revive
So, off thru the park at a non-sober strut

He chatted quite gleefully at nobody really
A fantasy wife he could touch quite freely
Except he groped and he grabbed a real butt

The gal was Miss Lucy, curvaceous and juicy
Who became quite flirtatious after the goosey
Though she turned rather quick…and oh my!

Her sizable breasts made her bra overstressed
Which blew off her blouse and left her half-dressed
That created an epidemic of male bug-eyes

Her clothes tattered and rent, and the miner a nice gent
He removed his own shirt and it was lent
To Miss Lucy who did cover, though she wasn’t really shy

But her fiancé’ had seen the eye-catching scene
Some say from his ears they saw steam
While he reared back and let the punch fly

The miner had luck, he was able to duck
Though confused, he yelled, “What the fuck!”
And flight, not fight, took control

Away he did run like a son of a gun
With his tipsy side thinking it’s fun
Till he tripped and forgot to tuck and roll

He saw a lady’s crack as she bent by a snack shack
So, down he went to earn the shiner now black
Which tells that part of the tale

But the snacking diner knew the drunken miner
A crush she had for him, this Miss. Spiner
And she took him home and offered him her tail

Her tail was far from rotten, so on her sheets of cotton
The miner’s shiner was quickly forgotten
And their faces both did glow

The miner struck it rich, a fine lady not a bitch
So, all was perfect for him, except for one glitch
If he ever drank again he’d be black and blue from head to toe

Leap Frog
While trying to create a trend
For both women and men
A chap with cross-eyes
Said, “Why don’t we sexualize
The child’s game of Leap Frog?”

Both sexes au natural
With women wearing strap-ons of hard gel
Each want to penetrate and pound
So, all crouch froggy style in the round
And leap over one to hump another bum like a horny dog

More ebbs than flows

Kat’s last post spoke of the need for unconditional love as the relationship foundation in order to continue on during the ebbs and flows that all relationships encounter.

Unfortunately, this year has seen far more ebbs than flows. Family obligations, relations, and positions of responsibility have taken their fair share of time and effort. But this year both kat and I (primarily me as a disabled Vet) have been inundated with physical obstacles: injuries, illnesses, and medical appointments and procedures that never seem to cease. When one appears to be at an end another one (or more) pops up to take its place.

It’s been exasperating!

When your body is not functioning properly it can easily create obstacles to every area of your life.

No matter how hard we try to forge ahead and function with some semblance of normality it eventually becomes impossible. And no matter how much kat and I want and need D/s in our relationship, sometimes it just has to take a backseat for a while. Which is one reason I’ve been doing more short pieces and poetry, instead of the longer nonfiction D/s topical posts this year.

Kat can verify that I function on less than 4 hours sleep during the best of times, but it’s down to around 2 hours this year—with many sleepless nights. Often 2-4 sleepless nights consecutively: even during hospital stays with pain meds and sleeping pills that don’t seem to work well for me.

Kat and I still find time for intimacy, which we both agree is important. But it has just been too difficult trying to maintain a consistent 24/7 D/s relationship with the protocols, etc. So, I’ve suspended the mandatory Dom & sub duties until we get beyond the major physical issues.

Since we’ve always received far more response to our lengthier nonfiction D/s pieces, I just thought I’d let our followers know why we’ve put up less of those this year than usual.

The humorous pieces flow out of me like water. The nonfiction pieces don’t, especially with the constant pain and lack of sleep. But we will keep trying to make our Tuesday and Friday post dates as long as we physically can, even if they have to be more of the shorter pieces. And hopefully we’ll get beyond the physical issues like we have all previous issues.

Have a nice day!

Alpha’s Bawdy Word Play: 14th edition

[Alpha’s modern version of bawdy rhymes and erotica similar to the burlesque and vaudeville periods.]

Johnny Six-Fingers
Johnny Six-Fingers
Was a singer
Who sang to the cops they say
He played the dice
And lived rather nice
Till craps altered his play
He thought it a lark
Saw Mac, the loan shark
Intent on rising again
He only aroused ire
Soon came under fire
From the mob’s collection men
When caught he did fidget
Losing digit after digit
He screamed and shed a few tears
It singled his focus
With a deadly hocus-pocus
He learned to prey on men’s fears
Turned shark against shark
Blood flowed in the dark
Gallons to appease his loss
When all was said and done
It wasn’t luck that won
Johnny’s brains made him the top boss
Johnny never did squeal
He made the cops a new deal
All for the sake of survival
For a piece of the pie
In this game of do-or-die
They took down rival after rival
He let his seconds oversee
While he lived a life of luxury
While spreading thighs for a kinky kick
He satisfied the pussy
Loved to make it extra juicy
With his tongue and six-finger trick

Ain’t no hero, ain’t no glory
Ain’t even a moral to this story
Sometimes life is just a throw of the dice
Those who win and those who lose
See how both sides break the rules
Survival of the fittest, or fittest for the vice

A Pussy Tale
From the lips of a friend I heard a tale
About a pussy that couldn’t swim but loved to sail
Until a shark fin
Knocked the pussy in
So, the pussy was now sushi, except for half its tail

Gypsy from Poughkeepsie
The gypsy from Poughkeepsie
Known for her hot sexy tail
She’ll spin you a yarn
And steal without harm
And never sees the inside of jail

The gypsy from Poughkeepsie
Has the tightest little tush
A consummate liar
With eyes of passion fire
Every man’s desire to enter and push

The gypsy from Poughkeepsie
That only takes it in the rear
She grifts and cons
Scams, jams, and slams
Then takes a jack-hammerin’ without fear

The gypsy from Poughkeepsie
With the “A” number one ass
Will steal you blind
While blowin’ your mind
Self-lovin’ with a dildo of glass

The gypsy from Poughkeepsie
With and All-American prime rump
Loves to wheel and deal
But takes time to feel
The pleasure and pain of a ravishing hump

The gypsy from Poughkeepsie
With a symmetrically beautiful butt
Has to steal to survive
But truly feels alive
With her chosen role as an anal slut

 

Have a good day!

 

Some Thoughts on D/s…

For a D/s relationship to survive long term, couples need a solid foundation of vanilla (yes, I did write vanilla) love; it will carry them through the hard times all couples experience. For D/s isn’t constant and unchanging, it ebbs and flows in the way of all relationships. Stronger one day, weaker the next.

So many factors play into how intense the D/s dynamic is day to day: physical health, depression, work, family, separation, to name just a few, can take their toll. In other words, life gets in the way. And if we demand our Dom/Domme or sub to always, no matter what, fulfill their agreed-upon roll, it can harm the basic underpinnings of the relationship. Wants and needs of both can fluctuate, and the dynamic has to be adjusted accordingly.

Sometimes, amping up the D/s gets you through; but at other times, taking off the pressure by stepping back is the way to go. Each situation is different, and must be handled using your best judgement. There can even be times when extreme circumstances cause the relationship to have a distinct vanilla flavor, but that’s okay. It will not last. Not if the relationship was first built on unconditional love. (And not just lip service claiming unconditional love.)

Unconditional love accepts who you are, including the person you were before D/s. It says, “I love you, and will accept and stick by you irregardless of D/s.” It says, “If all we have from this point forward is vanilla, I am still here, will always be here.” That tells your partner you are safe with them, that you never have to pretend to be something you are not; love and commitment should not be contingent on playing a certain role.

When each person is given the freedom to just be who they are (or need to be) at any given time, without fear of consequences, they feel validated, and it enables them to meet in the middle and get the relationship, whether D/s or vanilla, back on track. Sometimes the track veers off in a slightly different direction afterward, but that’s okay. Nothing that grows stays static…it’s always in a constant state of change.

Most couples implement the D/s dynamic because one—only one—desires it. And though the one who is led to it may not need it, they recognize the other’s need, and out of love, agree. And here’s the slippery slope: if the one wanting D/s cannot compromise, if to them it’s all or nothing (the me-me-me mentality), their love is not unconditional, and the relationship will eventually fall apart. Unconditional love sees what the other needs. Unconditional love is not selfish. And unconditional love compromises.

Compromises—so much of our relationships are built upon them. Give me this, I’ll give you that. I’ll take this, you take that. And we can’t resent our partner if they aren’t playing the game exactly like we want them to. After all, are we playing exactly like they would like us to? Think about it…look at it from their side. And then meet in the middle.

Whim and a Hunch: by Alpha & kat

[While considering the possibility of a D/s Dr. Seuss, kat and I had some laughs putting this collaboration together.]

 

On a whim and a hunch… I’d like to munch you for brunch
I would munch you a bunch… Then you’d munch me for lunch

Would you think it quite crude…if we both ate in the nude?
Tis’ neither rude nor crude…to eat our food in the nude

I hope you’re not a prude…and I hope you do not brood
And take it on a hunch…to munch a bunch in the nude

I love to lick and kiss…during moments such as this
A kiss that feels like bliss…a bliss you’d regret to miss

With your body so fine…now au natural to dine
Taste your nectar divine…a smooth and sweet pussy wine

Don’t you wish that we could…each forever dine so fine?
So fine that we can dine…me with yours and you with mine

My tongue upon your chest…love to munch your tasty breast
A truly flavored quest…to nibble tits on the crest

When I suck your nipple…pleasure begins to ripple
And nipple to nipple…makes both our pleasures triple

We both can take a peek…at the entrée’ tongue-in-cheek
It truly is the peak…a climax that makes you weak

But now it’s time to glut…and savor each other’s butt
Me a stag that’s in rut…and you Daddy’s horny slut

It is a tasty treat…enjoying each other’s seat
But with this tasty treat…we both know it’s not complete
Till there’s penetration…with a sense of elation
Fucking penetration…that’s cause for celebration

 

dr seuss 2