Alpha’s Bawdy Word Play: No# 16

[Alpha’s modern version of bawdy rhymes and erotica from the vaudeville and burlesque periods.]

Heavenly Host
For once, dear Anna met a heavenly host
A man of many talents, but never did boast
Come meet him, she said
Pay no mind that he’s dead
The sex may be kinky, but he’s a gentlemanly ghost

For Profit
You’re not that kind of mistress, now come to my bed
You’ve taken the diamonds, now give me some head
My money’s like clay
Sculpt’s this slut day-to-day
Profit is her master, best made when clothes are all shed

Spanking
Off with those panties, show your naughty zone glistering
It’s time for a spanking, a leather belt blistering
First comes the warm-up, skin-upon-skin
Preparing your ass for some strict discipline
With a smack and a whack on your fleshy sweet spot
Your ass cheeks are burning, arousingly hot
Caressing your flesh makes you whimper and moan
Then smack with a paddle and you utter a groan
When the spanking is over and tears are all shed
You cuddle beside me; in my lap rests your head
It’s time for some lovin’, some sweet after-care
And contemplate why you sass me, then utter a dare

One good turn deserves another

Eager, her beaver, to be touched and tongued. My lips
explored her adorable feminine tits. My eyes
assessed her breasts. I caressed the curvaceous hips,
the slim limbs, and admired with desire the smooth thighs.

Fingers often lingered upon cheek and neck. I sniffed
the subtle whiff of perfume. I lapped up the taste
of crook and nape. My fingers continued to drift
along ribs and tummy: goosebumps aroused along the waist.

Expanding and contracting trails that lazily strayed,
descending upon her mons veneris like predators. Felt arousal of prick,
but denial with a smile, more arousal, wait awhile: self-betrayed.
Penis pleading for juicy pussy: rock hard, a throb, a kick.

“I will tease to please,” I said. She shifted her legs in ascent.
Rolled to her side, spread her legs wide, allowed me to pass.
Alas, no gas! To the dark joy behind, I licked as I went
from clit to pussy to perineum to ass.

Spreading buttocks wide, arousal alive, urged me to begin.
I descend the sexy slopes and proceed to the puckered goal.
Quick flicking, tasteful licking, her crotch pressed my chin.
Her legs quivered and shivered from her tongue-wormed hole.

Her sensation afire, desired consummation. She untucked
her legs and lay waiting, panting with an expression of joy.
Arousingly charged, clit quite enlarged and aching to be sucked.
Clawing the sheets, far better than any fuck toy.

She inspected my erection. I perused her pussy with a stare
from mons level. A visual feast with eyes wide
I gazed thru the landscaped tuft of pubic hair
to the twin hills of breast beyond, sloping to opposite sides.

Returning to task, I scanned her crotch complete
from clit to anus. I relished the grace
of female genitalia. I tasted the delectable treat.
She shivered as I tongued the sliver of her clit: a slow deliberate pace.

Sucking with lips the miniscule dome or clitoral head.
With tongue’s tip I tickle the sensitive nub and groove.
She’s thrilled, I can tell. “Don’t stop!” she pleadingly said.
“More! More!” And achingly slow I did move.

Intently, but gently, my tongue trailed her pleasure place.
Inner and outer lips, enjoying the moments down
in each crook and cranny, then often would retrace
inch-by-inch to her throbbing nub-like crown.

Excitement within swelled. New desires did come
as I traveled her engorged labial walls.
I teased nerve-endings with finger and thumb
while pleasuring her pussy. I soon felt kat’s claws.

She did gyrate when I did penetrate steady and slow.
With every stroke I made a grinding twist with my cock.
Her undulation from my penetration, then she whimpered “Oh!”
She panted and moaned, elated from the pleasure shock.

Two slick fingers in her ass for multiple stimulation,
while prick pounding pussy grows hard as a rock.
She melted and swooned with euphoric sensations
and the inner sluices with her juices began to unlock.

Immeasurable pleasure urged thrusts double-quick.
Spasms, orgasms, vaginal and anal convulsing complete.
Sated lust, stress released, spunk filled and thick.
She said, “Can we take-5 Daddy, then flip me over and repeat?”

 

Alpha’s Bawdy Word Play: 15th edition

[Alpha’s modern version of bawdy rhymes and erotica similar to the burlesque and vaudeville periods.]

Salt-Peter
Do they still use salt-peter?
As they did quite long ago
When I was a boy
Or the boy was my dad
They slipped it in the meals
In the food that we had
Never given a choice
No voice of our own
And never had to be bad
A mess hall recipe’
In male-only institutions
A secret solution
To nature’s need…and morning woody
When missing your girl or wife
They figured less arousal…less strife
So, they measured out the salt-peter
A pleasure killing dirty trick
But some of us overcame
And still played the sexy game
When you can’t use a salty peter
You please your girl with a salty lick

Harry Hunk
Harry Hunk worked daily to build muscle
It serves him well for he’s won every tussle
He was hired to test security
To protect a queen’s purity
And he failed to get past her chastity belt and bustle

1849er Miner
An eighteen-forty-niner miner
Awoke with a notable shiner
Though he had no clue how he got it

A rather nice gent, his gold dust now spent
Bought rounds for the house, got fractured and bent
None of which explained how he got hit

A choice to survive, no wagon he would drive
A walk in fresh air might even revive
So, off thru the park at a non-sober strut

He chatted quite gleefully at nobody really
A fantasy wife he could touch quite freely
Except he groped and he grabbed a real butt

The gal was Miss Lucy, curvaceous and juicy
Who became quite flirtatious after the goosey
Though she turned rather quick…and oh my!

Her sizable breasts made her bra overstressed
Which blew off her blouse and left her half-dressed
That created an epidemic of male bug-eyes

Her clothes tattered and rent, and the miner a nice gent
He removed his own shirt and it was lent
To Miss Lucy who did cover, though she wasn’t really shy

But her fiancé’ had seen the eye-catching scene
Some say from his ears they saw steam
While he reared back and let the punch fly

The miner had luck, he was able to duck
Though confused, he yelled, “What the fuck!”
And flight, not fight, took control

Away he did run like a son of a gun
With his tipsy side thinking it’s fun
Till he tripped and forgot to tuck and roll

He saw a lady’s crack as she bent by a snack shack
So, down he went to earn the shiner now black
Which tells that part of the tale

But the snacking diner knew the drunken miner
A crush she had for him, this Miss. Spiner
And she took him home and offered him her tail

Her tail was far from rotten, so on her sheets of cotton
The miner’s shiner was quickly forgotten
And their faces both did glow

The miner struck it rich, a fine lady not a bitch
So, all was perfect for him, except for one glitch
If he ever drank again he’d be black and blue from head to toe

Leap Frog
While trying to create a trend
For both women and men
A chap with cross-eyes
Said, “Why don’t we sexualize
The child’s game of Leap Frog?”

Both sexes au natural
With women wearing strap-ons of hard gel
Each want to penetrate and pound
So, all crouch froggy style in the round
And leap over one to hump another bum like a horny dog

Alpha’s Bawdy Word Play: 14th edition

[Alpha’s modern version of bawdy rhymes and erotica similar to the burlesque and vaudeville periods.]

Johnny Six-Fingers
Johnny Six-Fingers
Was a singer
Who sang to the cops they say
He played the dice
And lived rather nice
Till craps altered his play
He thought it a lark
Saw Mac, the loan shark
Intent on rising again
He only aroused ire
Soon came under fire
From the mob’s collection men
When caught he did fidget
Losing digit after digit
He screamed and shed a few tears
It singled his focus
With a deadly hocus-pocus
He learned to prey on men’s fears
Turned shark against shark
Blood flowed in the dark
Gallons to appease his loss
When all was said and done
It wasn’t luck that won
Johnny’s brains made him the top boss
Johnny never did squeal
He made the cops a new deal
All for the sake of survival
For a piece of the pie
In this game of do-or-die
They took down rival after rival
He let his seconds oversee
While he lived a life of luxury
While spreading thighs for a kinky kick
He satisfied the pussy
Loved to make it extra juicy
With his tongue and six-finger trick

Ain’t no hero, ain’t no glory
Ain’t even a moral to this story
Sometimes life is just a throw of the dice
Those who win and those who lose
See how both sides break the rules
Survival of the fittest, or fittest for the vice

A Pussy Tale
From the lips of a friend I heard a tale
About a pussy that couldn’t swim but loved to sail
Until a shark fin
Knocked the pussy in
So, the pussy was now sushi, except for half its tail

Gypsy from Poughkeepsie
The gypsy from Poughkeepsie
Known for her hot sexy tail
She’ll spin you a yarn
And steal without harm
And never sees the inside of jail

The gypsy from Poughkeepsie
Has the tightest little tush
A consummate liar
With eyes of passion fire
Every man’s desire to enter and push

The gypsy from Poughkeepsie
That only takes it in the rear
She grifts and cons
Scams, jams, and slams
Then takes a jack-hammerin’ without fear

The gypsy from Poughkeepsie
With the “A” number one ass
Will steal you blind
While blowin’ your mind
Self-lovin’ with a dildo of glass

The gypsy from Poughkeepsie
With and All-American prime rump
Loves to wheel and deal
But takes time to feel
The pleasure and pain of a ravishing hump

The gypsy from Poughkeepsie
With a symmetrically beautiful butt
Has to steal to survive
But truly feels alive
With her chosen role as an anal slut

 

Have a good day!

 

Whim and a Hunch: by Alpha & kat

[While considering the possibility of a D/s Dr. Seuss, kat and I had some laughs putting this collaboration together.]

 

On a whim and a hunch… I’d like to munch you for brunch
I would munch you a bunch… Then you’d munch me for lunch

Would you think it quite crude…if we both ate in the nude?
Tis’ neither rude nor crude…to eat our food in the nude

I hope you’re not a prude…and I hope you do not brood
And take it on a hunch…to munch a bunch in the nude

I love to lick and kiss…during moments such as this
A kiss that feels like bliss…a bliss you’d regret to miss

With your body so fine…now au natural to dine
Taste your nectar divine…a smooth and sweet pussy wine

Don’t you wish that we could…each forever dine so fine?
So fine that we can dine…me with yours and you with mine

My tongue upon your chest…love to munch your tasty breast
A truly flavored quest…to nibble tits on the crest

When I suck your nipple…pleasure begins to ripple
And nipple to nipple…makes both our pleasures triple

We both can take a peek…at the entrée’ tongue-in-cheek
It truly is the peak…a climax that makes you weak

But now it’s time to glut…and savor each other’s butt
Me a stag that’s in rut…and you Daddy’s horny slut

It is a tasty treat…enjoying each other’s seat
But with this tasty treat…we both know it’s not complete
Till there’s penetration…with a sense of elation
Fucking penetration…that’s cause for celebration

 

dr seuss 2