Alpha’s Bawdy Word Play: 3rd Installment

Here is the 3rd installment of Alpha’s bawdy word play, erotica, or tongue-twisters.


Delightful Disorder
I seek dishevelment of your dress
Eschew your clothing for wantonness
I care not if they be elegant or lavish
For it is you I love and lust; just you I wish to ravish
No lace to hide thy face; no silk and satin shield
I rip, shred, and cast asunder, yearning flesh to be revealed
Passion conquers patience, when Dom craves sub or slave
Tempestuous actions, wave upon wave
Till there’s nothing left of your attire
Just the burning flames of human desire
Not one fabric thread left upon skin
After romantic ravishing it would be a sin
But, there upon the neck you’ll find
An ornate metal collar: a symbol divine
Possessed and owned by the one who loves thee
Who equally bears his commitment about his neck…
In the form of a heart-shaped key

Cupid’s Cutie
Cupid cuddled with a cutie
In an unofficial duty
And he popped the cherry booty
Of this sexy little beauty
Imagine his surprise
When thru enamored eyes
He finally realized
The sexy booty cutie
Had seduced him with lies
After sex he had kissed her
And she had left and he had missed her
Then his body began to blister
An STD that began to fester
But here’s the real tester
Cupid’s cutie was his long-lost sister

Cleever the Beaver
Cleever the Beaver had a fever
And didn’t feel very well
And he felt like he would vomit from the unknown Comet
His mate has fed him for a spell
But Cleever the Beaver soon felt his mate was a deceiver
Which made him mad enough to kill
So, Cleever cleaved her, then heaved her
In various parts over-the-hill
Where Cleever the Beaver decided to leave her
With all her parts scattered around
Knowing all the parts would disappear
Cuz’ of all the scavengers that abound
Now, Cleever the Beaver has no fever
And he’s back to feeling well

Adam Bristol
Adam Bristol has a sex-pistol
He made it in shop class today
His sister, Crystal, demo’d the sex-pistol
And received an instant “A”
Adam went from nerd to top of the herd
Cuz’ of his orgasmic invention
He was even tagged a “bad boy”
And was given his first detention
The detention was just a ploy
Created by Principal Hatch
To try out Adam’s new toy
Deep within her hairless snatch
She whimpered and moaned
And screamed with delight
As he triggered the speeds
And topped her off right
Adam’s position continued to grow
His future looked quite bright
Maidenheads popped, with cool after-glow
And love and lust steadily ignite
Then bribes from moms and pops
Any amount to alleviate fears
Adam is not son-in-law material
But now he can afford his dream careers
The moral of the story regarding the sex-pistol
Is that anything that makes a happy girl or wife
Can give you the means to dream
And with dreams create your own happy life

Alpha’s Quotes: 5th installment

This is the 5th installment of the humorous, witty, or common-sense quotes by Alpha.


“Saving money on the cheapest rope is not a good idea when suspending your sub from the rafters.”

“Never eat your sub’s pussy when her bladder is full—unless you’re into golden showers.”

“Real Doms don’t party with posers.”

“A sub that’s lost direction needs a good Dom for a course correction.”

“Posers think they are ‘cock-of-the-walk’—until they try to order a real Dom’s sub around.”

“You may think it’s kinky and cool to dance with the devil in the pale moonlight—but I’d rather be with my sub dancing all night with her fleshy delights.”

“What does a sub say to a limp-dick Dom that demands a blow-job? – Where’s the beef?”

“An incompatible sub can never be compatibly trained.”

“Foreplay is how you treat your mate every second of every day.”

“D/s practitioners have no need for porn; that’s like substituting wishful thinking for a fulfilled fantasy.”


Have a good day!

BDSM Language Barrier

The inevitable problem
of being in D/s or BDSM
comes when talking to female or fella’
that are strictly vanilla.
It’s the language barrier
that gets harrier and scarier, as time goes by.
For instance, they think abrasion play
is like skinning a knee in a game of touch football,
while foot ball for a foot fetish
is an entirely different sort of touch.
Similarly, the vanilla set think bastinado
is a Nintendo fishing game,
instead of pain play to the soles of feet.
And pussy whipping to vanillas
can never be a politically correct treat.
Belting to vanillas has to do with fighting,
they don’t consider spankers and spankees.
And their handkerchiefs are mostly snot catchers,
not a BDSM code displayed with hankies.
Now, vanilla racks are either furniture or hunting trophies,
not BDSM codes of conduct or torture tables.
Vanillas often think fisting
is the act of a congratulatory fist bump,
not fist-fucking anus or vagina
like told in erotic fables.
Some vanillas think a ball gag is a juggler’s trick,
not something you can use on a sassy sub.
And they think a ball tie is a Father’s Day gift,
not a bondage position all secured to rub.
Some vanillas think a Black Sheet Party
has something to do with the KKK
instead of a BDSM orgy.
They think psycholangy is head shrinker lingo,
not cumming on command.
“Hot damn!” they say.
And they think rimming is a basketball term
or salting a margarita glass,
not lustfully licking an ass.
I even know a vanilla that thinks anal sex
is a hillbilly matrimonial warning,
such as, “Leave yer’ cousin be—
a’ no sex til’ yer’ hitched.”
And a vanilla switch is a parental tool,
attitude adjustment for a naughty child,
not a sub domming, or Dom subbing.
Oh, what a change of rubbing that makes.
Some vanillas think a bondage bunny
is a contraption for dispatching rabbits
in preparation for Mulligan Stew,
instead of a sexy sub tied and gagged
for her Dom to use as a Dom will do.
Scatting is a jazz term for vanillas,
not a type of fetish
requiring multiple showers to get clean,
and probably a plunger or Drano,
and it’s best to pinch your nose.
It gives a whole different meaning to,
“There she blows!”
Most vanillas think edging is used in yard work,
they can’t comprehend repeated orgasmic denial.
Plus, they think forniphillia
probably has something to do with flora and fauna,
but are obviously shocked to discover
it’s a sub used as home décor’, like a seat in a sauna.
Many vanillas think a gimp
is someone with a hitch in their git-along,
like a disabled vet;
so, it’s quite the rub to find it’s a gay sub.
In the vanilla world,
daughters are given away by fathers in matrimony…
a proud moment.
But quite the opposite when a Dom gives away
a sub to another Dom
for absolutely nothing in exchange.
“How strange,” they say.
Now, impact play to vanillas
remind them of demolition derby or cage fights,
not whips and paddles
for fleshy Dom and sub battles with orgasmic delights.
As for impalement,
vanillas consider things like splinters in fingers,
nails through feet, or sticks in eyes.
They can’t comprehend being bound in place,
orifices filled, and climactic cries.
In the vanilla world a parachute
is used primarily for skydiving,
not segregating scrotum and penis
for some pleasure-pain conniving.
As for stocks,
a financial investment for vanillas—
hopefully for gain.
But in BDSM it’s a place to captivate a Dom
with a captive sub
for humiliation, pleasure, and pain.
On and on I can go
with these various words and defined roles.
But, what’s the use?
We know the vanilla is often bland or mundane,
while BDSM is often pleasure or abuse.
And we come away thinking vanillas are boring,
while they often think…
we have more than a few screws loose.