The inevitable problem
of being in D/s or BDSM
comes when talking to female or fella’
that are strictly vanilla.
It’s the language barrier
that gets harrier and scarier, as time goes by.
For instance, they think abrasion play
is like skinning a knee in a game of touch football,
while foot ball for a foot fetish
is an entirely different sort of touch.
Similarly, the vanilla set think bastinado
is a Nintendo fishing game,
instead of pain play to the soles of feet.
And pussy whipping to vanillas
can never be a politically correct treat.
Belting to vanillas has to do with fighting,
they don’t consider spankers and spankees.
And their handkerchiefs are mostly snot catchers,
not a BDSM code displayed with hankies.
Now, vanilla racks are either furniture or hunting trophies,
not BDSM codes of conduct or torture tables.
Vanillas often think fisting
is the act of a congratulatory fist bump,
not fist-fucking anus or vagina
like told in erotic fables.
Some vanillas think a ball gag is a juggler’s trick,
not something you can use on a sassy sub.
And they think a ball tie is a Father’s Day gift,
not a bondage position all secured to rub.
Some vanillas think a Black Sheet Party
has something to do with the KKK
instead of a BDSM orgy.
They think psycholangy is head shrinker lingo,
not cumming on command.
“Hot damn!” they say.
And they think rimming is a basketball term
or salting a margarita glass,
not lustfully licking an ass.
I even know a vanilla that thinks anal sex
is a hillbilly matrimonial warning,
such as, “Leave yer’ cousin be—
a’ no sex til’ yer’ hitched.”
And a vanilla switch is a parental tool,
attitude adjustment for a naughty child,
not a sub domming, or Dom subbing.
Oh, what a change of rubbing that makes.
Some vanillas think a bondage bunny
is a contraption for dispatching rabbits
in preparation for Mulligan Stew,
instead of a sexy sub tied and gagged
for her Dom to use as a Dom will do.
Scatting is a jazz term for vanillas,
not a type of fetish
requiring multiple showers to get clean,
and probably a plunger or Drano,
and it’s best to pinch your nose.
It gives a whole different meaning to,
“There she blows!”
Most vanillas think edging is used in yard work,
they can’t comprehend repeated orgasmic denial.
Plus, they think forniphillia
probably has something to do with flora and fauna,
but are obviously shocked to discover
it’s a sub used as home décor’, like a seat in a sauna.
Many vanillas think a gimp
is someone with a hitch in their git-along,
like a disabled vet;
so, it’s quite the rub to find it’s a gay sub.
In the vanilla world,
daughters are given away by fathers in matrimony…
a proud moment.
But quite the opposite when a Dom gives away
a sub to another Dom
for absolutely nothing in exchange.
“How strange,” they say.
Now, impact play to vanillas
remind them of demolition derby or cage fights,
not whips and paddles
for fleshy Dom and sub battles with orgasmic delights.
As for impalement,
vanillas consider things like splinters in fingers,
nails through feet, or sticks in eyes.
They can’t comprehend being bound in place,
orifices filled, and climactic cries.
In the vanilla world a parachute
is used primarily for skydiving,
not segregating scrotum and penis
for some pleasure-pain conniving.
As for stocks,
a financial investment for vanillas—
hopefully for gain.
But in BDSM it’s a place to captivate a Dom
with a captive sub
for humiliation, pleasure, and pain.
On and on I can go
with these various words and defined roles.
But, what’s the use?
We know the vanilla is often bland or mundane,
while BDSM is often pleasure or abuse.
And we come away thinking vanillas are boring,
while they often think…
we have more than a few screws loose.