Alpha’s Bawdy Word Play: 7th edition

[Alpha’s modern Bawdy Word Play, Erotica, & Tongue Twisters: similar to the Vaudeville & Burlesque periods.]


Wedding Night (mare)
Had a fright on wedding night, a dream did overshadow
Nightmare spawned the fear, a vision did foreshadow
My wife was unclad
Acting nasty and bad
Though not with me, another cast in shadow

Two bullies heard I’d been raised with a wet nurse
That I’d been raised polite, and didn’t even curse
They assumed I was gay
And with me they’d have their way
So, I now use their scrotums for a man-purse

A bull’s schlong is so long
They sell them as walking canes
That’s why matadors fight them
Obsessive penis envy of their brains

Last Ride
Do you think you could drive a hearse
And recite a spontaneous verse
When the dead arise
Right before your eyes
Without shitting yourself or shouting a curse?


Have a nice day!

Dreamer and Dream

Into the room where I did go

Saw kat, my love, with her head hung low

Inside she screams

Cuz’ she has no dreams

While mine continue to flow


Fret not my love, my life, my queen

You hold the best part of the scheme

You do not lose

When you snooze

I’m merely the dreamer—but you are the dream


A dream come true is your part to play

From dark to light my heart you do sway

My only pleasure

My dearest treasure

My cherished beta who loves and obeys


Halloween Ball

Kat and I received an elegant invitation
Which at first caused a bit of agitation
Come one, come all
To a Halloween Ball
With costumes sparked by your imagination

Crowded events are not usually high on our list
But attending this affair would help family coexist
Yet making a costume
Makes both of us fume
And as time slipped away the more we got pissed

Perfect costumes aren’t just a matter of choice
They need to speak loudly without using a voice
Speaking, “It’s you!”
Replying, “So true”
And if it does not you will never rejoice

The day of the ball was drawing here quickly
In the pit of our stomachs we felt rather sickly
To get rid of the hex
We had rousing sex
And our costume ideas came rather slickly

I’d go as a penis and she as a pussy
Mine would be stiff and hers rather juicy
She’d touch my knob
I’d start to throb
And we’d dance to the music all loosely-goosey

But what would this do to the family affair?
Some grieving, some leaving, some pulling of hair
Or would they just giggle
When we start to wiggle
Till dear Aunty Fannie plopped out of her chair

Would each of our relatives think us quite rude?
Or would our costume choice cause a family feud?
Or would kith and kin
Succumb to our sin
And strip off their piety with a new attitude?

Would Andy and Randi admit they were gay?
Or would all shout at once with something to say?
Would old folks’ pop pills,
And mothers’ get chills
While drinkin’ and thinkin’ and wantin’ to play?

Could Uncle Sylvester calm Aunt Abigail
Before callin’ the cops for our ride to the jail?
And will cousin Gerty
Keep callin’ us “dirty”
While rubbin’ her crotch on a wrought iron rail?

Will we see all the young men soon start to squirm
While thinking of girls and ways to shoot sperm?
Bulging in pants
For secret romance
Then quick on the trigger, not lasting full-term

But what if our choice causes more than a stir?
Blown out of proportion, all actions a blur
To Grandma a shock
At the costumed cock
While Grandpa keeps strokin’ the fake pussy fur

Maybe our choice of costumes is a bit hasty
Perhaps we need to consider something less tasty
We need to think
So give us a drink
And keep them coming till we’re shit-faced and pasty

No super-heroes and no kids’ fairytales
No clowns or gowns with bloody entrails
No Keystone cops
No preg-o that pops
And no banshee bitch that wickedly wails

No preacher, no teacher, no G.I. olive drab
No horned headed opera singer with lots of flab
I won’t be a boxer
Kat’s not a bobby socks-er
Nor will she be a specimen in a mad scientist’s lab

We think and we ponder perplexed and forlorn
We grumble quite grouchy all tattered and torn
Both of us yell
This is Halloween hell!
Screw the ball; Kat grab the camcorder, let’s fuck and make porn


The green-eyed wolf in dreams I see
Calls to the lost, lonely girl in me
Come willingly to me, little red
Naked, slip into my waiting bed
And I will set your caged spirit free

For Alpha, who saved me …                        

Photo from Pixabay

Bloody Date

A sexy and sassy babe to a party did go
Started to pursue a hunk named Beau
Thoughts of him nude
Doing things to her rude
Made her quite wet and hot down below


A strong woman she was so she made the first play
By the stroke of midnight she wanted to go all the way
Have her bottom spanked red
Then be tied to the bed
And climax after climax till the break of day

She thought she was doing everything right
Then kissed him with tongue and got such a fright
She felt sudden pangs
After tonguing his fangs
And the taste of her blood brought him instant delight

What human could she tell that wouldn’t call her a liar?
And what of her urge, now a full-blown desire?
“Before me now kneel
I’ll feast and I’ll feel
And you’ll be the slave of a Master Vampire”

Normally, she’d love to submit to a sexy man
Especially a stud with a very firm hand
She always did yearn
For a naughty girl’s turn
Across the lap of a spanking artisan

But warning signs flashed when she looked in a mirror
And only female images did not disappear
Is it enough evidence
To label all of the gents?
Perhaps not, but something in the situation was quite queer

Did he lust for her body or simply her blood?
Would she wake up in bed or face down in the mud?
Would this man of girls’ dreams
Invoke nothing but screams
Leaving her naked corpse covered in crud?


“Will you be mine tonight?” she now heard him query
And who could begrudge her for feeling quite leery?
He asked if she’d strip
She replied rather flip
“Bite me!” which sparked a change in him evil and eerie

He gripped her hair and pulled back her head
Exposing her tender neck, her eyes full of dread
He bit her soft flesh
Blood savory and fresh
But the feigned fear in her eyes turned to excitement instead

For she too had more than a secret to tell
Omega to an Alpha with a blood lust to kill
A bite on her neck
Is like a love peck
It makes werewolf bitches horny as hell


She transformed in an instant all fur and desire
With love for her Alpha, heart burning like fire
He’d see to her needs
For doing her deeds
So she howled for her bitches to slay every vampire

They played their parts well as they came to the dance
Playing lusty females seeking a night of romance
But they came for meat
A wolf pack must eat
But their feast and fling took on an air of necromance

I was warned not to tell how the blood bath did end
Too many on both sides have wounds that will mend
But if you get an itch
To bite the neck of a bitch
Her blood lust will boil, and to hell you’ll descend