D/s: Maintain the Foundation

When a D/s relationship is in sync—both Dom and sub in the proper mindset—it’s one of the best experiences any couple could ever have. That’s why I prefer a D/s relationship over all other options.

Unfortunately, although unique, humans are an imperfect species that can foul-up a perfect wet dream—like a relationship built with a D/s dynamic.

In prior posts, I’ve touched on various areas to protect or maintain while building a solid and loving D/s relationship. In this post I want to stress maintaining the love between the couple. It’s something we all know is important, but (for a variety of reasons) we often overlook or become complacent about: eventually to the detriment of ourselves or the relationship.

KC&MC were married six-years before beginning their D/s journey. They got caught up in sub-frenzy with an order of Dom-frenzy on the side. Both were spurred on by a reignited sex-life that had fallen off for a couple years prior to their commitment to D/s. So, they put all their energy and effort into fulfilling their reawakened lusts.

Any couple in the D/s world for any length of time knows sessions or scenarios (spontaneous or not) fueled by pure lust can have some very satisfying orgasmic rewards. But a relationship that only fuels the lusts will eventually crash and burn or fizzle out when the love foundation rots away.

KC&MC went through a very rough period. They thought a good sex-life alone could fulfill the relationship. They were wrong. But they found out in time, and after just a few counseling sessions they were headed in the right direction again.

Almost every homeowner I know spends hundreds or thousands annually on the cosmetic appearance and upkeep of their home. That fact is stated in their general conversations constantly. But I cannot recall one telling me they also had their foundation checked.

Couples that treat their relationships the same way shouldn’t be surprised when their loving foundation cracks, shifts, crumbles, or falls into a sinkhole.

Every couple should build their relationship on a loving foundation—along with respect, trust, communication, compatibility, honesty, etc. And that foundation needs to be maintained and reinforced constantly. After all, if you make a concerted effort to maintain the love and romance the relationship is founded on, your sex-life will always have a solid foundation to build on.

In other words, if you want a great sex-life keep love and romance alive.

PS: What, you’re still here? Stop reading and go love you mate!

Sex Life: Mix it up to fix it up

During a casual conversation a close friend let it be known that he and his lady’s sex life had dwindled to a quickie every 3-4 weeks. He assured me they still loved each other, and rarely argued, but sex felt more like a chore than a blessing. He said it was a hassle to disrobe and get messy for a quick pop and fizzle.

The demise of their sex life did not occur overnight, it was a slow decline over time. After talking to both of them it was clear that they fell into a common relationship trap: sex became as routine as the rest of their life. And routine sex trades orgasmic bliss for a dissatisfying pop and fizzle.

Their work schedules overlapped and they built a routine around the schedules. When the routine took priority their intimacy suffered, because the longer the routine lasted the deeper they dug their sex life into a rut. This was partly because the lack of time spurred a lack of imagination, so they began to engage in the same 1 or 2 sexual practices every time, which eventually desensitized both. Instead of receiving pleasure it became an effort to reach orgasm. And the lack of pleasure or reward for the amount of effort inspired both to pull away from intimacy.

What they needed to do was make intimacy a higher priority, and fight the routine, rut, and desensitization with a greater variety of sexual play.

It is said that “variety is the spice of life,” which is definitely true for a sex life. And, thankfully, variety is a strong weapon in the D/s dynamic that can easily help D/s couples combat falling into an unhealthy rut that can kill intimacy. But even D/s couples allow the daily grind of life to push them into routines that can harm their relationship.

Constant communication, guarding intimacy, and maintaining a good sex life—spiced up with variety—wards off ruts from routine.

In other words, if you take playfulness and variety out of your sex life don’t be surprised when you become that couple that would rather turn on reruns of old sit-coms instead of turning off the boob tube and turning on their mate.

Thankfully, with kat, I have a mate that maintains a youthful outlook, and is willing to be playful, inventive, and exploratory—guaranteeing our sex life remains spicy.

PS: Enjoy the sizzle so you won’t let it fizzle.

Long-Distance D/s

I’ve read a few posts recently that have dealt with periods when distance is a factor in maintaining their D/s dynamic. Traveling for business, family obligations, long-distance relationships, and even vacations or weekend trips can disrupt the flow of the D/s dynamic, especially in new D/s relationships. And each couple must communicate and decide how to handle these separations when they arise. Continue reading “Long-Distance D/s”

Emotional Reassurance: a Dom’s responsibility

Fulfilling our sub’s wants and needs, especially sexually, is an honor and a privilege for us Doms: not to mention a stroke to our ego and a hell of a fucking turn-on. But it’s also our responsibility to keep our sub protected and safe, and that doesn’t just mean physically. We need to remember their psychological and emotional stability as well. And I caution you to never overlook those areas, or get into the habit of taking them lightly—especially when you consider the fact that women, for the most part, are far more emotional than men. Continue reading “Emotional Reassurance: a Dom’s responsibility”

Cathartic Release

A Master Dom knows the right measure

Cathartic release through pain and pleasure

Spanked and flogged

Unhampered, unclogged

A de-stressing session is a true blue treasure

 

Stress is a killer that’s got to be defeated

A weekly release instituted and repeated

A sub that’s really cranky

Needs a Dom’s hanky panky

To bring emotional release, although physically treated

 

Skin on skin begins the perfect combination

Then paddle, belt, and flogger—or use imagination

Feel emotional rush

When the skin gets flush

So whack it, and smack it—no more hesitation

 

Pent-up stress is all that you destroy

With a cathartic release that you employ

So have no fear

When you whip that rear

The tears of pain will turn to tears of joy

 

Though cathartic release seems like a perfect invention

There’s one more thing I must surely mention

Don’t ever whack

Don’t ever smack

Unless it’s done with a loving intention

 

Anger will only add stress to the mix

And double the trouble you still need to fix

So don’t be rejected

Keep her safe and protected

And take her to sub-space with your loving bag of tricks