D/s: Pegging (one Dom’s perspective)

Pegging has various uses and definitions in the D/s community. The primary definitions are as follows:

Peg punishment (also called “sitting on a peg”): the use of a butt plug, dildo, etc., as a punishment—sometimes with humiliation and/or masturbation or edging added.

Pegging preparation: the use of a butt plug, dildo, etc., to arouse and prepare for anal play (butt-fucking, fisting, etc.).

Strap-on pegging: the act of using a strap-on dildo/vibrator for penetration (predominantly referring to female-to-male anal penetration).

Sitting on a peg
Many Doms—especially those in DD/lg and M/s relationships—use some form of pegging punishment. It is often seen in the form of a stool or bench, or a combination thereof that the sub is made to sit on for a specified time period.

Humiliation is often added to lesser or greater degrees; like when a sub is stuck in the corner facing the wall (lesser degree) or placed in the center of the room to be gawked at (greater degree) by Dom and/or others if at a public forum, like a dungeon. The latter is seen more with M/s pairings. And the addition of masturbation or edging creates another level of humiliation for punishment.

Pegging preparation
Doms in most types of D/s relationships have used, or continue to use butt-plugs, dildoes, and other adult toys as preparation with subs for anal play (butt-fucking, fisting, etc.). The type and time of preparation for each sub can vary greatly. Some use it only as part of the foreplay just prior to the anal play, while others may be plugged all day.

Every D/s relationship is different, and every sub has a different tolerance level for the methods used to prepare them. Do what works best for you and your sub.

Strap-on pegging
Most people in the D/s community equate this type of pegging with Fem-Doms/Dommes, since it is a standard practice of many F/m relationships—although it’s not in all F/m pairings, since there are many male subs that consider anal penetration a hard limit.

There are, however, more Doms using this form of pegging in their relationships. The numbers continue to grow as more Doms are educated to the benefits of cock-milking, the male G-spot, or p-gasm.

Do Dom and sub switch?
If a Dom wants to personally enjoy the pleasures of anal play: cock-milking, male G-spot, etc., does he and his sub have to switch (temporarily change their dynamic)? Absolutely not!

I’ve discussed this principle in other posts. Just because the Dom opts to be in a bottom position physically does not change the mental and emotional dynamic.

However, due to the nature of this particular act more care may be needed within the Dom and sub exchange to ensure the sub does not start to top from the bottom. It is always beneficial for the Dom to reaffirm dominance before and after this type of personal pegging. It is also a good idea for the Dom to keep some form of physical control of his sub during the pegging. For instance, have a leash or chain attached to the sub’s collar and gripped by the Dom. The Dom may even choose to blindfold the sub so that everything is done by the sub feeling their way while following the Dom’s commands and directions.

One Dom I know of makes their sub don a mask with a penis gag before allowing her to peg him. Another Dom fills his sub’s pussy and ass with remote controlled vibrators before she’s allowed to peg him. But you really don’t need all that if the Dom and sub simply have good communication skills, a strong love and respect for each other, and a commitment to their D/s dynamic.

Last word
With a little creativity and imagination pegging can be a welcomed addition in any D/s relationship. Work it out between you and keep safety in mind.
For any straight males that think thoughts or desires to have anal play or penetration shows homosexual tendencies, that’s absurd. You need to read my article “D/s and the Male G-spot”, along with other articles on the prostate, cock-milking, and the p-gasm (including medical articles).

 

 

Have a good day.

D/s: Three-part punishment plan

There was some interest shown over a recent post when I briefly described a 3-part punishment plan. So, I decided to elaborate a little more on the topic.

First off, I do not use the 3-part plan for every offense. There are various minor infractions that do not require more than a stern warning or quick spanking. But I have found the 3-part plan beneficial for all medium to major offenses.

Why the 3-part plan?
Anyone that has followed us for any length of time knows that I have been in D/s a long time. So, I have read, heard, or seen just about every imaginable concept of punishment in or out of the D/s community.

Before settling on a plan that fit my personality and beliefs (as a Dom and a man) I drew heavily on my psychology training and investigative experience.

I had enough experience and knowledge to know the basic elements I was looking for. After all, it was basic common sense. I just needed a workable plan that I could use in any given situation with the proper results: that my sub/kat would not (or rarely) commit the same offense again.

The three primary factors I looked for was a quick response, a way for my sub/kat to learn from the experience, and something to ensure that she would not want to do it again. And that’s how I settled on the idea of combining corporeal punishment with a learning task and a deterrent task.

Corporeal punishment
Spanking is effective as long as the practice is not abused. In fact, there is a wealth of evidence to show that corporeal punishment—when properly applied—can have long-lasting positive effects.

Psychologically speaking, the best results occur if you adhere to the following: (1) the closer the spanking is to the infraction the greater the mental connection it will have on the offender (spanking on the same day as the offense is preferable, though not always possible). (2) Absolutely NEVER spank when you’re angry and not thoroughly in control of your emotions. It is the #1 reason why people turn a positive act, like corporeal punishment, into an abusive situation. (3) Calmly communicate with your sub prior to the spanking: reminding them of their infraction, their consensual agreement to punishment for negative behavior which can affect the relationship, and your love for them. (4) Administer the appropriate spanking for that particular infraction. (5) And follow it with affectionate after-care while reminding them again of your love.

Learning task
Psychologically speaking, again, there is plenty of evidence to show that humans made to confront their negative behavior—in combination with corporeal punishment—are more likely to abstain from the behavior in the future. Various research has shown between 32-65% more offenders have abstained from recommitting their offense when the two were combined.

For the best results, make sure the learning task is created specifically for the offender: taking into account their personality and primary way of learning.

Deterrent task
Although corporeal punishment and learning tasks can be useful deterrents to bad behavior, it is a good idea to include a specific deterrent task designed for the offender.

The task should be appropriate to the offense and be so disliked by the offender that they will not want to do it again.

Deterrent tasks—combined with corporeal punishment and learning tasks—are even more effective then when used separately. Research suggests between 48-83% more effective.

Last word
The combination of all three—spanking, learning task, and deterrent task—fulfill the three primary factors I looked for. The spanking can be administered quickly to fulfill the quick response factor. The learning task allows the sub to learn from the experience. And the deterrent task is specifically designed so the sub would never want to endure it again.
Just remember that everyone is different, and each plan needs to be tailor-made for the Dom and sub it will be used for and by.

To Submit Or Not To Submit

When Alpha and I first met, I had never heard of D/s; sure, I was somewhat familiar with BDSM, but not D/s. Nor D/s relationships, 24/7 or otherwise.

When we were in the “getting to know each other” stage, he told me he was an alpha. I assumed he meant that he was a take charge sort of guy, which I liked because in my previous two serious relationships, I became the one in charge by default. Both partners wanted a mama, not a wife.

Alpha and I were a little farther in (both had expressed our love for the other) before he introduced the subject of D/s, and told me that in the long term, for him to be completely happy in our relationship, he required submission from me. So, I set out to learn all I could about D/s, both from Alpha and my own research. And what I discovered troubled me: according to what I read, I was not a natural submissive.

Yes, I wanted a man I respected, who was a leader, but…

I didn’t want or need a micromanager telling me how and when to do everything. I didn’t want rituals, supervision, a list of dos and don’ts with punishment meted out for infractions (which, to me, would put me on the level of a child). And I sure didn’t want to sit on the floor at a man’s feet, naked with a plug up my butt while he sat on a comfy couch, reading or watching TV—not that I have anything against butt plugs per se.

The more I read, the more I realized it was not in my nature to be a submissive.

When I brought up what didn’t sit well with me to Alpha, he told me that most of the things I was concerned about weren’t important to him. But he was steadfast in his requirements: he would be head of the household, all final decisions would rest with him, though he would always want my input; in our home and alone, I would dress a certain way, or if he wished, wear nothing at all; that my body belonged to him, to do with as he pleased; and that I would always treat him with respect (as he would me), and if I failed to do so, he would punish me.

Punish me…that was a little hard to swallow. But I did because I loved him. And respected him.

For an intimate relationship to succeed, it requires compromise, and doing our best to meet our partner’s wants and needs. Alpha made it his mission to know me inside and out, to know what the woman and little girl in me needed emotionally and physically to be happy, and he provided it. I knew I could do no less for him.

So I gave him my submission.

I kneel to him to show my respect. I wear his collar to symbolize his ownership of me. I take his hand and let him lead me down the “kinky” path to sexual fulfillment, sometimes a little hesitant as to where it may be going, but always sure he’ll keep me protected and safe.

Yes, I give him my submission. But he gives me so much more.