D/s: Pegging (one Dom’s perspective)

Pegging has various uses and definitions in the D/s community. The primary definitions are as follows:

Peg punishment (also called “sitting on a peg”): the use of a butt plug, dildo, etc., as a punishment—sometimes with humiliation and/or masturbation or edging added.

Pegging preparation: the use of a butt plug, dildo, etc., to arouse and prepare for anal play (butt-fucking, fisting, etc.).

Strap-on pegging: the act of using a strap-on dildo/vibrator for penetration (predominantly referring to female-to-male anal penetration).

Sitting on a peg
Many Doms—especially those in DD/lg and M/s relationships—use some form of pegging punishment. It is often seen in the form of a stool or bench, or a combination thereof that the sub is made to sit on for a specified time period.

Humiliation is often added to lesser or greater degrees; like when a sub is stuck in the corner facing the wall (lesser degree) or placed in the center of the room to be gawked at (greater degree) by Dom and/or others if at a public forum, like a dungeon. The latter is seen more with M/s pairings. And the addition of masturbation or edging creates another level of humiliation for punishment.

Pegging preparation
Doms in most types of D/s relationships have used, or continue to use butt-plugs, dildoes, and other adult toys as preparation with subs for anal play (butt-fucking, fisting, etc.). The type and time of preparation for each sub can vary greatly. Some use it only as part of the foreplay just prior to the anal play, while others may be plugged all day.

Every D/s relationship is different, and every sub has a different tolerance level for the methods used to prepare them. Do what works best for you and your sub.

Strap-on pegging
Most people in the D/s community equate this type of pegging with Fem-Doms/Dommes, since it is a standard practice of many F/m relationships—although it’s not in all F/m pairings, since there are many male subs that consider anal penetration a hard limit.

There are, however, more Doms using this form of pegging in their relationships. The numbers continue to grow as more Doms are educated to the benefits of cock-milking, the male G-spot, or p-gasm.

Do Dom and sub switch?
If a Dom wants to personally enjoy the pleasures of anal play: cock-milking, male G-spot, etc., does he and his sub have to switch (temporarily change their dynamic)? Absolutely not!

I’ve discussed this principle in other posts. Just because the Dom opts to be in a bottom position physically does not change the mental and emotional dynamic.

However, due to the nature of this particular act more care may be needed within the Dom and sub exchange to ensure the sub does not start to top from the bottom. It is always beneficial for the Dom to reaffirm dominance before and after this type of personal pegging. It is also a good idea for the Dom to keep some form of physical control of his sub during the pegging. For instance, have a leash or chain attached to the sub’s collar and gripped by the Dom. The Dom may even choose to blindfold the sub so that everything is done by the sub feeling their way while following the Dom’s commands and directions.

One Dom I know of makes their sub don a mask with a penis gag before allowing her to peg him. Another Dom fills his sub’s pussy and ass with remote controlled vibrators before she’s allowed to peg him. But you really don’t need all that if the Dom and sub simply have good communication skills, a strong love and respect for each other, and a commitment to their D/s dynamic.

Last word
With a little creativity and imagination pegging can be a welcomed addition in any D/s relationship. Work it out between you and keep safety in mind.
For any straight males that think thoughts or desires to have anal play or penetration shows homosexual tendencies, that’s absurd. You need to read my article “D/s and the Male G-spot”, along with other articles on the prostate, cock-milking, and the p-gasm (including medical articles).

 

 

Have a good day.

Is D/s my real life?

I noticed that several blogs have been pondering the question “Is D/s my real life?” Five simple words, but the more I thought about it the more it intrigued me. And yet, the more convoluted it also became, for I realized it could go in various directions depending upon what perspective I chose.

For instance, I was brought into the D/s world as a teenager. And those who read the posts where I explained how that occurred might recall that it was a long-term negative experience. So, one might pose the question, how could it be my real life if I was manipulated into it by an authority figure over twice my age?

On the other hand, I am a natural Alpha male. So, even in my off-and-on periods of vanilla life I was the rugged individualist that was always in traditional male-led relationships.

Hell, even as a teenager, the Alpha in me couldn’t be completely suppressed. I eventually turned my manipulator’s tricks against her: controlling her for the last half of the relationship, before severing ties with her to go into the military.

My first marriage was not D/s oriented, but my second was. And during the long period between the two, when playing the field, there were far more so-called vanilla relationships than D/s. And yet, D/s clearly held the stronger sexual attraction if you go by labeled definitions.

Does that stronger sexual attraction prove D/s is my “real” life? Not really. As a natural Alpha I enjoyed the same sexual pleasures—with few exceptions—in my vanilla relationships that I presently enjoy in my D/s relationship.

Vanilla girls that were attracted to me as a “bad boy” when I was younger, or to my rugged individualism when I was older, allowed me to push their sexual boundaries with little resistance.

If that’s true, why do I choose to live in a 24/7 D/s relationship? And doesn’t being in a 24/7 D/s relationship prove D/s is my “real” life? — Not necessarily.

What I realized when trying to answer this question is that saying yes or no is purely built on social constructs. If I’m the same natural Alpha in my vanilla existence that I am in my D/s existence, then how can one be more “real” than the other?

It can’t be.

The truth is that I am the same person in both vanilla and D/s worlds. The difference is not me, because I’m the same person whether I’m actively in one or the other.

The difference is how I am perceived by those caught-up in the social constructs of the vanilla and D/s worlds. In other words, society’s long-standing need to label everything and everyone for quick and easy reference.

Then why choose one or the other if both lifestyles are social constructs? Because humans predominantly make that choice based on either familiarity (how they were raised), or where they feel more accepted and allowed to be themselves.

I choose a 24/7 D/s lifestyle because that label is the closest fit to me within the social constructs of vanilla or D/s. For instance, several of the vanilla females that allowed me to spank and fuck their asses had nothing but derogatory things to say about women in D/s relationships, or D/s in general. Which doesn’t make a lot of sense (because I do the same activity in both worlds), but they are hung-up on the labels.

The D/s community is not much different. It’s a social construct just like the vanilla world, but my so-called kinky proclivities in the vanilla world allow me to be more accepted in the D/s world. But I’m the same person either way, in either world.

So, is D/s my “real” life? Absolutely not. And neither is vanilla or any other socially constructed label. But D/s is the closest label I have to use within society to explain certain parts of who I am and how I choose to live with kat.

Kat and I chose our relationship together based on the unconditional love we have for each other. And we chose to utilize D/s to enhance the relationship. But it is still just a label attached to behavior or activities that I would do with or without the label. In fact, it was a part of me long before I was “in” the D/s community. The label just makes it easier to explain because it’s based on a social construct they can relate to…not really because it’s who I am or not.

D/s: Three-part punishment plan

There was some interest shown over a recent post when I briefly described a 3-part punishment plan. So, I decided to elaborate a little more on the topic.

First off, I do not use the 3-part plan for every offense. There are various minor infractions that do not require more than a stern warning or quick spanking. But I have found the 3-part plan beneficial for all medium to major offenses.

Why the 3-part plan?
Anyone that has followed us for any length of time knows that I have been in D/s a long time. So, I have read, heard, or seen just about every imaginable concept of punishment in or out of the D/s community.

Before settling on a plan that fit my personality and beliefs (as a Dom and a man) I drew heavily on my psychology training and investigative experience.

I had enough experience and knowledge to know the basic elements I was looking for. After all, it was basic common sense. I just needed a workable plan that I could use in any given situation with the proper results: that my sub/kat would not (or rarely) commit the same offense again.

The three primary factors I looked for was a quick response, a way for my sub/kat to learn from the experience, and something to ensure that she would not want to do it again. And that’s how I settled on the idea of combining corporeal punishment with a learning task and a deterrent task.

Corporeal punishment
Spanking is effective as long as the practice is not abused. In fact, there is a wealth of evidence to show that corporeal punishment—when properly applied—can have long-lasting positive effects.

Psychologically speaking, the best results occur if you adhere to the following: (1) the closer the spanking is to the infraction the greater the mental connection it will have on the offender (spanking on the same day as the offense is preferable, though not always possible). (2) Absolutely NEVER spank when you’re angry and not thoroughly in control of your emotions. It is the #1 reason why people turn a positive act, like corporeal punishment, into an abusive situation. (3) Calmly communicate with your sub prior to the spanking: reminding them of their infraction, their consensual agreement to punishment for negative behavior which can affect the relationship, and your love for them. (4) Administer the appropriate spanking for that particular infraction. (5) And follow it with affectionate after-care while reminding them again of your love.

Learning task
Psychologically speaking, again, there is plenty of evidence to show that humans made to confront their negative behavior—in combination with corporeal punishment—are more likely to abstain from the behavior in the future. Various research has shown between 32-65% more offenders have abstained from recommitting their offense when the two were combined.

For the best results, make sure the learning task is created specifically for the offender: taking into account their personality and primary way of learning.

Deterrent task
Although corporeal punishment and learning tasks can be useful deterrents to bad behavior, it is a good idea to include a specific deterrent task designed for the offender.

The task should be appropriate to the offense and be so disliked by the offender that they will not want to do it again.

Deterrent tasks—combined with corporeal punishment and learning tasks—are even more effective then when used separately. Research suggests between 48-83% more effective.

Last word
The combination of all three—spanking, learning task, and deterrent task—fulfill the three primary factors I looked for. The spanking can be administered quickly to fulfill the quick response factor. The learning task allows the sub to learn from the experience. And the deterrent task is specifically designed so the sub would never want to endure it again.
Just remember that everyone is different, and each plan needs to be tailor-made for the Dom and sub it will be used for and by.

Never neglect the romance

Doms that don’t make time or put forth the effort to keep romance alive in their D/s relationships eventually rue the day they stopped.

I’ve been involved in D/s a long time. And I’ve noticed that both fledgling and experienced Doms can succumb to this neglectful and negative practice.

Fledgling Doms—of any age, not just the young—often go thru periods of Dom-frenzy. Their sex-life has never been better and they want to experience it all. After all, they simply have to demand it from their sub and she obeys. So, why waste time on romance?

The experienced Doms that eventually fall into the no romance trap usually do so because of stagnation: the exact opposite (or 180-degrees) of Dom-frenzy. Their relationships are stuck in a rut, going nowhere. Just the same old thing on a different day.

Any relationship can get dusty or rusty if it is not maintained. Remind your mate daily how much you love, cherish, and adore her. It doesn’t have to take a lot of time; but it’s time well spent. Yet, if you truly love her you will do even more.

Pursue her and woo her like you did when you first met. Show her she is worth winning over-and-over: as much now as she ever was.

Keep the romance alive. Maintain your solid foundation of love and your relationship can weather every storm or obstacle it comes across.

Lovers Touch

It’s not always from orifice with kat I cum
Delight is equally found between nimble fingers and thumb
With pleasing softness do they journey make
Up, down, and around the manly snake
Eliciting an occasional spasmodic quiver and quake
Sparks connection with my heart, emotion does move
For all with kat enhances thru our love
Now mind and body, pleasure partners crowd
Music plays and Eros laughs aloud
When reality and fantasy thru arousal now does cloud
kat plies me still with manual stimulation
With wicked grin while mastering mutual masturbation
I feel the rise of urgent primal need
As her unbounded skill charms forth my manly seed
While thru my veins the lusty liquid flies
I think of poets long ago, who claimed “tis’ how one dies”
A gushing forth of pure delight…
From lovers touch and lovers sight