Definitely Dom, but when?

A recent post by MisterMan sparked a lot of interest. He asked what might appear to be one of the most obvious questions anyone involved in D/s might get asked: When did you know you were a Dominant or submissive?

Yes, I’ve seen the question presented many times before, usually in 30-day type lists for evaluating yourself. And I always had a standard answer ready: I’ve known I was an Alpha from an early age (though I didn’t know the terminology back then). And I left it at that. But the way MisterMan tried to pinpoint the moment and still came away unsure made me question whether I could recall the exact moment, or at least the progression from unaware to fully aware of my natural need to dominate in relationships.

So I dusted off my thinking cap—no, actually I gulped down a couple night caps—and began to ponder the possibilities of a predominant path to my present Dominant position. Whew! That’s a tongue twister after two Southern Comfort & cokes.

I’ve had four really good male role-models in my life: my grandfathers, my father, and a platoon sergeant. My paternal grandfather, after being orphaned, protected and provided for his siblings in England during WW1, then made his way to America and eventually built a successful business. My maternal grandfather had a hard life on the reservation, then was kicked off the rez’ during the so-called “New Deal,” but he worked hard and became a successful rancher. My father, a by-product of his father, taught me the same traditions of working hard and protecting and providing for your family. And somehow, in spite of my youth and rebelliousness, enough of their actions and words got through to me. And even though I fought a lot, I was the kid that protected the underdog and beat up the bullies (because if I ever became a bully my dad would kick my ass).

When I joined the military at 17, I ended up in an elite platoon that had a platoon sergeant that even the generals had to salute (because he’d been awarded the Medal of Honor). And he took me under his wing and worked my angry rebellious ass into shape, and pushed me into leadership positions. And I’ll thank all four of them till my dying day for the mentoring they provided.

But how does all that fit into a D/s relationship? Well, I was destined to be a rugged individualist from the day of my birth, when my mom shunned me and wouldn’t touch me: they didn’t talk about stuff like post-partum depression back then. And I became the kid that other kids followed; I resented authority and the screwed up system I saw in a bad section of L.A. In fact, I was the kid girls wanted to date to piss-off their parents. And yet, in spite of my “juvenile delinquent” reputation I started working at age 12 to pay my way, and had four part-time jobs simultaneously at age 16 before going into the military a year later. Unfortunately, because of my youth, immaturity, and anger issues, when it came to relationships, it was often my way or the highway (as the saying goes); which, if you think about it, is a lot like immature or wannabe Doms in the D/s world.

But after getting a handle on my anger during my early twenties (and subsequent years of psychology education and experience), I realized I still felt the need to be in control in relationships but the emphasis was now more traditional. There was a stronger urge to place my mate’s wants and needs above my own. And while fulfilling their wants and needs, to still provide for and protect them.

As for the original question: I cannot recall the exact moment I consciously knew I was a Dom. But it appears that from the moment of my birth I was destined to be a rugged individualist. And my subsequent life experiences have only solidified my Alpha or Dominant personality. All that remained was to find the right mate…and include the kink. But that’s a whole different story.

Total Eclipse vs Solar Fuck Fest

“Come one, come all,” I’ve heard all year

See the total eclipse of the sun

And you live in a place to see it well

You’ll have oodles and boodles of fun

 

You’ll have people come to town

That have never been here before

Perhaps a quarter-of-a-million folks

And some say maybe more

 

NASA has already sent a team

Months ahead for preparation

To tell of the Solar Fest

It’s more fun than masturbation

 

And have you heard how properties

Up for sale in these three counties

Have been bought by greedy bastards

In order to charge exorbitant bounties

 

And all the local establishments

Are hawking Solar Fest fare

Like cheap ass glasses to scorch your eyes

You forgot “buyer beware”

 

And because of the looky loos a comin’

The rainbow crowd has come to roost

Not to brighten the festivities

But they sure give our crime stats a boost

 

I know exactly where I’ll be

During the total solar eclipse

Watching kat’s sexy ass moon the sun

Shading me as I lick her pussy lips

 

And while all the millions stare at the sun

Some that will even risk going blind

I’ll gladly send kat to sub-space

While butt-fucking her from behind

 

So go on and enjoy your total eclipse

If that’s really the best you can do

I’ll spend it with kat who’s eclipsed my heart with hers

Cuz’ my folks didn’t raise no fool

 

And when you go to tell your tale

About how you enjoyed Solar Fest

Standing like an idiot staring at the sun

I’ll speak of a tale concerning kat’s tail

And know that it’s I who was truly blest

And wisely enjoyed the greater fun

 

eclipse 13

Guilty of Lust in the 1st Degree

We have sessions quite traditional and ordinary

Using hugs and kisses, caresses, and missionary

But truth be told

It truly gets old

So with sex we change it, rearrange it, and often vary

 

If your sex life is in danger of being too nice

Just change the recipe and add some spice

Get out of the rut

Fuck her hard like a slut

And tell her she’s worth twice the price

 

Have date nights where you charm her to score

Then unshackle your passion and let it soar

You’ve built the trust

Now set free the lust

Love her like a wife, but fuck her like a whore

 

As a Dom you should love, like, and lust her

And always earn the right to be called “Sir”

Want to hear her scream?

Spread her cheeks and ream

Then fuck her ass hard like a real Master

 

I’ve allowed my sub to start when acting coy

She often kneels and offers a belt as her ploy

I politely do “Thank”

Then give her a good spank

Knowing she wants to be used like a fuck toy

 

There are times when you let her simply suck you

You can change it up by face fucking her too

Then cum on her face

For a change of pace

But without the cock whipping—don’t be cruel

 

If you want your sub submitting willingly

Fulfill her darkest desires orgasmically

Do what it takes

So she quivers and quakes

Stay guilty of lust in the 1st degree

Long-Distance D/s

I’ve read a few posts recently that have dealt with periods when distance is a factor in maintaining their D/s dynamic. Traveling for business, family obligations, long-distance relationships, and even vacations or weekend trips can disrupt the flow of the D/s dynamic, especially in new D/s relationships. And each couple must communicate and decide how to handle these separations when they arise. Continue reading “Long-Distance D/s”

submissive Perspective

Submission is not something I granted on a whim, but with the understanding that You would love and cherish me in exchange for what I have freely given. I do not kneel to You out of fear; I kneel out of respect and the need to please You.

Understand that though I am an individual with my own wants and needs, and the desire to see them fulfilled, I want to fulfill Your wants and needs as well. My commitment to Your wellbeing in all areas of our relationship is just as strong as Yours is to me.

Believe that I will do my best to make Your life happy, that I will never intentionally disrespect You or go against Your will. I want to always be Your “good girl”, but if I fail, I will take the punishment that we agreed upon without complaint.

Mistakes will happen on both our parts, but I vow that I will not dwell on Yours, nor will I hold them against You (we are fallible beings, after all). I will never bring them up again in conversation, for as we agreed, they have been addressed and are now in the past.

Including you in every aspect of my life is my desire and my duty. I will not seek out others to take on the role of best friend or confidant or playmate, but will always count on You to fulfill those needs. And I will avail myself to You in any way You see fit, both physically and emotionally.

Showing my submission to You is something I will do every day, both in and out of the bedroom. I know that doing so brings out Your natural dominant personality, thus strengthening our D/s dynamic, allowing both of us to thrive within the relationship.

Sharing my inner self with You is my duty as Your submissive. I cannot expect you to keep me protected and safe if you don’t know my demons.

Intimacy will remain between us. I will not share my worries or concerns–especially regarding our relationship–with anyone but You. I will not allow another person, nether emotionally or physically, entrance within our sacred circle of love, trust, and respect.

Value beyond measure will always be placed on our relationship. I will never intentionally tarnish it by word or deed. I will do everything in my power to keep it strong, to make it a safe harbor for both of us, a place where there is no You or me–only us.

Envelop me in Your love, surround me with high walls only You know how to breach. I need the sanctuary of Your unconditional love to feel truly safe, to be free to be just…me.

Alpha’s Dominant Perspective here