Fantasy Fulfillment and the Green-Eyed Monster

 

As stipulated many times before, this blog is written primarily for loving couples in D/s relationships, or others who desire such relationships. While we accept the right of others to live as they choose, we write from the perspective of keeping romantic pairings strong. And we stress couples having a loving foundation above all else, along with communication, compatibility, respect, trust, honesty, and other positive relationship attributes—and then using D/s to enhance the relationship that’s built on a solid foundation. Continue reading “Fantasy Fulfillment and the Green-Eyed Monster”

Bottom Topping

Everyone has experienced it

Bad days, we all have got ’um

But what do you do when your sub has one…

and starts topping from the bottom?

 

I’m not talking about being a bit frisky

That can be an arousing distraction

I’m talking about total disrespect

A foul mouth intentional infraction

 

It often begins with a snide remark

Then they get sassy with no sign of stopping

So how long is too long when this begins…

when your sassy sub starts bottom-topping?

 

Should it matter what season it is…

winter, spring, summer, or autumn?

Your sub should submit in all seasons

It’s not natural to top from the bottom

 

Having a bad day is just no excuse

To create a need for relationship mopping

And it’s your responsibility as the Dom

To crackdown on your sub’s bottom-topping

 

As soon as the infractions begin

The buns of your sub, you should swat ‘um

She must bear your marks for every offense

The consequence for topping from the bottom

 

The power exchange… both accepted the roles

And it’s bad for your sub to try swapping

It causes a decline in the D/s dynamic

Whenever a sub starts bottom-topping

 

If your sub spouts off without much thought

Consider it a minor infraction

Punish her quick, but forgive her quicker

You’ll inspire some D/s satisfaction

 

But if your sub was intentionally bad

And you took a belt to her bare bottom

If she’s still not contrite perhaps there should be

Additional punishment that reminds her of Sodom

A Man’s Word: Consistency and Respect

Although what I have to say can benefit all, I am primarily speaking to Doms.

There is something good to be said about traditional values when it comes to relationships, yes, even with D/s relationships. And while I have constantly mentioned a strong foundation of love, communication, and trust (among others), I would like to stress a couple more that I see lacking so much in modern-day relationships: consistency and respect.

Integrity

I come from a line of very proud men, men of their word, and men of integrity.

My maternal grandfather was Native American. He endured a lifetime of cruelty and disadvantages because of a corrupt system, and was eventually sent off the reservation during the so-called “New Deal” in the system’s attempt to make him a non-Indian. But no matter what the system did it could not break his spirit. He was a man of his word, a man of integrity, and he eventually overcame all obstacles laid in his path. He became successful on his terms, not theirs. And he never had to sacrifice his word, integrity, or honor.

My paternal grandfather was the son of a soldier. His father was a hero who gave his life defending his country during World War II. And when his widowed mother ran away with every man that would show her a good time, my grandfather (as the eldest child) had to take care of his five siblings in war torn England. It was a responsibility he took very seriously. And he passed it on to my father, who taught me.

I was taught that my word is my bond, a bond far superior to ink on a piece of paper (which lawyers continually find ways around). And I was taught my actions solidified that bond. And a man is not a man if he breaks his word, shames his honor, or loses his integrity.

Past Relationships

Though I am specifically dealing with males in this post, the continued loss of honor and integrity in our society in each successive generation takes its toll in all areas, including relationships.

My life-mate and sub, kat, is the most special person in my life. She is more compatible to me than anyone I’ve ever known. Our communication level is about as flawless as two imperfect beings can be. And I love her unconditionally. But that does not imply that we have not had bumps in the road to overcome. And the predominant reason has nothing to do with how I have treated her, but how she has been treated by other males before I came into her life.

The mistreatment by males from her past has kat constantly questioning my motives, even though she’ll be the first to admit I’ve never given her cause to question me. She knows that when I make a promise I keep it. She knows that when I say something I back it up with my actions. And she knows that honor and integrity are extremely important to me, because that’s how I was raised by male role models I loved and respected.

Unfortunately, what has happened to kat by males in her past is a common occurrence with many women. Males breaking promises, not true to their word, and saying anything just to get what they want. There are too many males that disrespect their women in numerous ways. Too many males that speak of pride, but it’s a false pride, for they lack integrity, and have no honor.

Is it any wonder that many women have trust issues? And yes, I know that many men can say the same thing for the present day lack of integrity in females. But it is our responsibility, as Doms, to fulfill the wants and needs of our subs while keeping them protected and safe. So it is imperative that we gain their trust or they will never truly feel protected and safe. And without feeling protected and safe, they will never truly open up and give all of themselves to us and the relationship. And that’s what the D/s dynamic is all about, allowing both Doms and subs to open up and freely be who they are.

Inconsistent and Disrespectful

One of the quickest ways to spot doms that are novices, wannabes, or posers is to see their inconsistency and disrespect toward their subs. And you see this far more with those drawn to the public outlets and play sessions than for those that make it their lifestyle (for obvious reasons).

Consistent and Respectful

Mature and experienced Doms understand their responsibilities as the dominant partner, and take those responsibilities seriously. They know that consistency is a critical factor in building trust with their sub. They will go out of their way to make sure their actions mirror their words. And if they do not feel they can fulfill a promise, or cannot honestly guarantee that they can fulfill a promise, they will not make the promise. In those situations, they may simply promise to do the best that they can—which subs should also do when led into an area that’s new to them (like kat does when I introduce her to a new area within the D/s world, since this is her first D/s relationship).

Mature and experienced Doms likewise show respect to and for their subs at all times; and that includes relationships where subs yearn for, and agree to, humiliation during sessions (because it is the Dom’s responsibility to fulfill the sub’s wants and needs). Subs are always to be treated with respect within the agreed upon parameters.

For those, like kat and I, who do not pretend or merely participate in the play sessions, but include the D/s dynamic within our lifestyle, respect is crucial. She is not merely a play thing brought out for sessions; she is my soul-mate, my partner, my best friend, my confidante, my muse, and so much more. And she has grown to trust me because she has continually seen my actions mirror my words, my promises (big or small) are always kept, and I respect her at all times in all areas.

Last word

Traditional values often receive a bad rap in a progressive society. But when it comes to honor, integrity, and being true to your word, men with traditional values outshine the alternatives hands-down. They treat women with respect and take their responsibilities seriously. And if you want to be a proper Dom always be consistent with your word and respectful to your sub. It will earn the trust that’s needed for a good D/s relationship to succeed.

Guarding Intimacy

The Sanctity of a Relationship

I have learned through personal experience, observation, and psychological studies just how important guarding intimacy is within a loving relationship. Too many couples fail to see the hazards until they find themselves on the outside looking in, and wondering, how the hell did we end up like this?

Intimacy within a loving couple’s relationship encompasses every area of their life: mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually (and that doesn’t mean strictly religious, but does include it for those who are). And to borrow a spiritual term, this area of the relationship should be considered sacred, for the sanctity of the relationship remains intact when the couple guards their intimacy from any and all outside influences. This should be done in all relationships, but is extremely important in D/s or L/s style relationships because of the overwhelming misconceptions within society.

Outside Influence = Inside Interference

When one or both partners in a relationship begin to vent to relatives, friends, co-workers, or any Tom, Dick, or Harriet that will listen, they immediately corrupt the intimate communication between themselves while opening the doors for outside influence to create inside interference.

There are also times when that interference is not sought by either partner, it comes through relatives, friends, and others who do not understand the D/s or L/s dynamic, and believe they are acting on their loved one’s behalf. Predominantly this type of interference occurs by those who believe the submissive or supportive partner is being taken advantage of by the Dominant or Leading partner because they have bought into societal misconceptions.

However, it doesn’t matter how good the intentions are, if the outsiders are not professionals trained to view both sides objectively, it will inevitably cause more conflict.

How prevalent is the problem?

Personal Coach and Relationship Expert, Chris M. Lyon, and author of Leading and Supportive Love: The Truth About Dominant and Submissive Relationships, asked the respondents to her study what were the biggest problems they experienced with their L/s relationships. She said, “The overwhelming answer—nearly 80%—answered that issues with people outside of their relationship caused the most problems for the relationship.”

This figure is similar to every psychological and academic study I’ve seen regarding the topic: anywhere from 70 – 90%.

What about support networks?

It is all well and good to have support networks in the form of family, friends, etc. However, those networks should be utilized for areas other than you and your mate’s intimate life (unless there truly is abuse going on, and then you should not be with them anyway). You don’t do you or your mate any good by bringing outside influence into your intimate space—and that means all areas of intimacy, not just the bedroom.

Communication

Kat and I continually stress communication between partners on this blog, along with other key factors for maintaining a solid relationship foundation. This is just another area where open and honest communication shines. It is a mature couple’s best weapon to guard and maintain their intimacy from outside influences as well as internal problems that may arise between themselves.

Problems or potential problems can only be dealt with when they are out in the open. Never hold back from your life-partner.

 

D/s Debate

Are we so enlightened in the information age?

Let me give you a peek, allow me to set the stage

A college debate on a campus where you hope to learn

Yet myths, like wildfires, are taught, spread, and burn

 

But in this place of learning, where some allowed to teach

Think all they know is all there is, so that is all they preach

They point to words upon a page, a textbook filled with ink

And swear it’s true and factual, but printed lies still stink

 

Relationships were the core of today’s class debate

Specifically the D/s type; and the ill-informed spewed hate

Myths surrounding the topic were claimed to be fact

Vomiting their foolish claims with very childish tact

 

Did any have experience in what they talked about?

Not one was the consensus, but louder they did shout

“Well, I do live a D/s life,” I said with a great big smile

“And your myths are totally absurd; they miss it by a mile.”

 

Some say D/s is just for sex, some say it’s all about pain

Some say it’s a bully magnet, and others have a masochistic vein

Some say subs are always weak, and Doms are always cruel

But the only time the above applies is the exception to the rule

 

Some say it’s just for legal rape, some say it’s just for sin

Some say it’s just a mental quirk where boys can play like men

Some say it’s just misogynist, another exploitative tool

But all who claim such myths talk from their ass like a fool

 

D/s is merely an enhancement of a couple’s loving foundation

Free to be me, strong intimacy, and open communication

My sub is strong and bows to no one, except to me by choice

And though I make the final call, I always respect her voice

 

A legitimate Dom should never need to exert his will by force

The agreed upon dynamic holds both partners to their charted course

Though a firm hand may be needed it satisfies the sub’s desires

And both their wants and needs are met through maintaining passion’s fires

 

Supporting each other daily, allowing both personalities to shine

D/s is a win-win situation when hearts, minds, and actions align

So don’t believe the myths and tales by those without a clue

Cuz’ there will always be shithouse squawkers that talk out of their ass like a fool