D/s: The Upside Downside

[This blog is primarily geared toward loving couples in a D/s relationship.]

 

Fun and frolic—orgasms galore
Fantasy fulfillment—pushing for more
Beware the hidden cost
That which may infect
When the Pied Piper comes to collect

Common sense and logic tell you that the longer you and your mate remain healthy the more time you will have to enjoy your D/s relationship. Unfortunately, one of the biggest factors that make D/s—BDSM appealing can transform it from an upside to a downside—a positive to negative—instantly when individuals and couples fail to maintain a mature attitude. Continue reading “D/s: The Upside Downside”

D/s and the Male G-Spot

Prostate

The prostate gland is known as the male G-Spot; although it is not the exact corresponding equivalent to the female G-Spot. Since the female G-Spot is the internal or hidden section of the clitoris, you might assume the internal or hidden section of the penis (over one-third of the male organ) would be the corresponding equivalent to the female G-Spot. But such is not the case, even though stimulating the hidden section of the penis can be gratifying while enhancing orgasms.

The prostate gland—about the size of a walnut and positioned directly below the bladder—acquired the G-Spot title because of the seminal release triggered by stimulating the gland. Stimulation is often done through prostate/anal massage—often referred to as “milking the prostate”—or the use of adult toys, including implements specifically designed for that purpose.

Prostate Exam

Dominant Dilemma

A sizable percentage of Doms refuse to include prostate/anal massage in their sexual relations with subs or feel uneasy if they do, all because of certain stigmas that still accompany the act.

Even in the so-called Information Age, misconceptions abound, creating mental, emotional, and even physical barriers that hinder many Doms from enjoying male G-Spot stimulation. The two biggest misconceptions are as follows:

— Desiring any form of anal stimulation is a sign of homosexuality.

— Receiving anal stimulation from subs diminishes their dominance while empowering their subs.

Both beliefs are completely unfounded and predominantly arise from personal insecurities. Humans often latch onto excuses that appear to confirm predisposed beliefs, even without a shred of proof confirming the misconception, while there is a preponderance of evidence to disprove the misconception.

The predominant beliefs focusing on the origins of gender orientation (including homosexuality) —though diametrically opposed to each other—unanimously concur that anal stimulation has nothing to do with gender orientation.

As for D/s, the relationship dynamic is based upon a mutually agreed upon transference of power: a power exchange establishing a Dominant partner and a submissive partner. That dynamic remains in effect as long as both partners remain together in the D/s relationship. The power exchange does not flip-flop between partners (except in situations where the couples have chosen that option). Therefore the power exchange is always based on the relationship dynamic, not any form of sexual practice, position, or form of stimulation.

Benefits

Experts in the fields of medicine, psychology, and philosophy attribute various positive consequences resulting from prostate/anal massage. Positive consequences that include, but are not limited to, the following: prevention against prostate cancer, alleviating erectile dysfunction, release of emotional and physical stress, and enhanced sexual pleasure—including stronger orgasms.

Multiple Stimulation/Increased Pleasure

Every experienced Dom knows that combining multiple stimulations allows them to increase their sub’s arousal and produce stronger orgasms. Similar consequences are achieved when combining multiple stimulations for their own pleasure. And a variety of pleasures can be experienced through prostate/anal massage.

Although the prostate cannot be touched directly, it can be stroked, rubbed, or pressed through a thin membrane in the rectum. And while the membrane may diminish the sensitivity (like a form fitting condom or glove), the prostate lobes are extremely sensitive to pressure. And various forms of manipulation can create an equal variety of sensations, including the superb sensation predominantly felt during ejaculation.

One of the primary erogenous zones, the anus is connected and interlaced with millions of highly sensitive nerve endings. Therefore, the preparation and penetration of the anus (with fingers, adult toys, etc) creates various pleasures solely or in combination with prostate/anal massage.

Over a third of the penis—the internal root or base of the penis—is hidden inside the body. And at the innermost point the prostate sits atop the penile root. This allows both solo or combined stimulation of the prostate and hidden section of the penis for additional stimulation, which is greatly enhanced when combined with stimulation of the external or outer section of the penis—in any number of ways (manually, orally, etc).

Psychological pleasure is also achieved. Unlike certain beliefs—like the Tantric philosophy, which attributes the psychological high to the male going against his natural dominant position by placing himself in a vulnerable or submissive position—Doms retain their dominant psychological high through the perspective that the sub is servicing them; remember, the dynamic in D/s remains constant. For instance, it makes no difference whether the Dom is standing while getting a blow-job or lying on his back: they remain the dominant partner. So if he commands the sub to administer prostate/anal massage while giving him a blow-job on his back the D/s dynamic is still intact: and this again disproves the misconception that dominance is diminished through the enjoyment of prostate massage.

Positions for Prostate Massage

Any position is appropriate to Doms who realize the D/s dynamic remains constant in the relationship: on back, side, all-fours, standing, etc. However, some positions naturally portray a more dominant look and feel, and may be better suited for fledgling Doms of any age, or for Doms that prefer a more dominant look.

The three I prefer can be used solely or combined with masturbation, mutual masturbation, or oral sex:

— Dom standing with sub kneeling in front facing him

— Dom lying on back with sub kneeling between his legs

— Dom on all fours with sub lying underneath, with head below pelvic region

Safety & Preparation

Like all sexual activity, remember to be safe and take time to prepare properly. Keep clean and use an ample amount of water-based lube with any anal penetration. And take as much time as necessary to arouse and prepare for penetration (especially for first-timers).

Getting Started

Begin slowly until you gain a sense of familiarity and comfort with this method of stimulation. Try various positions and utilize prostate/anal massage in combination with other methods of sexual stimulation—my personal favorite is having it done while receiving a blow-job. And don’t forget to communicate with your sub throughout the procedure so that they become accustomed to what feels best for you; after all, a loving sub wants to please you as much as you want to please them.

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Additional Help

If you are not familiar with actual techniques there are many instructional articles and videos online that can be viewed to help you get started.

Comfort Zone

She loved Him deep and true

before she ever knew

D/s was a journey she would travel.

 

Ill-thoughts soon did arise

fearing He may soon despise

when her self-image doubts did unravel.

 

She knew most men like to look

and her Dom practically wrote the book

visually stimulated: artist with an artist’s eye.

 

How disconcerting this concern

she even hoped He would discern

her awful embarrassment and why.

 

Instead, He claimed He’d explore every inch

so she felt it would be a cinch

to die from shame right on the spot.

 

At the time she did not know

when thinking He might be a so-and-so

He’s the best catch she could ever have caught.

 

Took her thighs and spread them wide

nowhere to run, nowhere to hide;

He only gazed with love, never with lies.

 

Every inch He did explore

body and heart, to her very core,

till she saw herself through His eyes.

 

He knew when taking her from her comfort zone

she’d learn she was no longer alone

free to be she: safe and protected.

 

With a D/s relationship founded

with unconditional love and grounded

greatly enhanced and forever connected.

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Sessions

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He toys with her like a cat and mouse

But with a far more pleasurable end

Delaying tactics for arousal

For anticipation

But so much more

To give her time to think

Using time like a tool

Tick-tock…tick-tock

Second-by-second

Sense-by-sense

Thought by agonizing thought

Stripping away fortified layers

Baring more than she’s ever bared

Exposing herself more internally

Than her naked flesh could ever allow

Because it is His will…she obeys

She’s made a commitment

A relationship contract

He’s been true to His word

She will be true to hers

He always has her best interest at heart

In mind…in soul…in body

So she submits…accepts…obeys

And always will

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She is His to do with as He chooses

His commands…her obedience

His voice…her response

He’s loving, but firm

Controlling, but kind

She gives up responsibility

Has her wants and needs met

Is protected and safe

She had often thought

The lustful look in His eyes

Would embarrass her

When every inch of her

Is on display

For His inspection

But she quickly discovered

She craves His gaze

As if touched by it

His intense focus ignites her lust

Causes her to burn with passion

To smolder with wanton desire

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It is His words

Delivered in a baritone

That has always caught her by surprise

When used in conjunction with time

Tools He wields with mastery

She is laid bare to the marrow

To the depths of her emotions

To the very center of her soul

Improper coping mechanisms

Learned as a child

Give way to the positive reinforcement

Of His commanding presence

As He guides her

Leads her

Sometimes pushes…pulls…

And even carries her

Along the healing path

So she willingly endures

Second-after-second of sensory overload

Minute-after-minute of mental introspection

Hour-after-hour of pain and pleasure-filled passions

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And positive reinforcement

In session-after-session of self-satisfying

Enlightening…soul-searching

Because she’s never felt so alive

So free

In touch with her true self

Free just to be

No masks

No walls

No excuses

Love and Compatibility combats sub-drop in D/s relationships

{The predominant perspective of this blog (ALPHA & kat) deals with loving and compatible couples that utilize the D/s lifestyle to enhance their relationships.}

 

Anyone who has been in a D/s lifestyle for an extended length of time has heard the term “sub-drop.” It is an unfortunate consequence of too many wannabes and self-centered, immature, and irresponsible individuals testing the D/s lifestyle, often before gravitating to more extreme forms of BDSM.

What is sub-drop?

Sub-drop is a psychological occurrence that affects the submissive in a D/s partnership. It creates mental and emotional trauma that can range from brief moments of negative thoughts and emotions to long-term consequences that destroy the individual’s ability to trust and open up to others. Many subs that have naturally submissive personalities have even left the pursuit of a D/s lifestyle because they no longer felt comfortable or capable of giving the trust necessary to maintain a D/s relationship.

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What causes sub-drop?

Primarily, it is the dominant partner’s fault. A Dom has the responsibility to keep the sub protected and safe at all times. And too many wannabes enter the D/s lifestyle without the proper level of maturity or required positive personal traits.

The sub turns over total control to the Dom in the necessary power exchange in D/s relationships. They trust the Dom to fulfill the wants and needs of their submissive personality, and to keep them protected and safe through it all. That protection and safety is not just physical, but also mental and emotional (as I pointed out in and earlier post called “D/s couples and safety“).

Immature dominant partners that lack many of the qualities necessary to make a good Dom inadvertently place the sub in harm’s way. These lacking traits include, but are not limited to, experience, responsibility, compassion, empathy, respect, love, and compatibility with the sub.

Subs give their complete trust to a Dom in the power exchange in D/s relationships. When they extend themselves emotionally by performing in complete obedience and submission, fulfilling every request of the Dom—often in lengthy sessions or throughout the entire day—they are mentally and emotionally vulnerable. While feeling satisfied with how they performed, even if exhausted and drained, they yearn for the rewards they have earned. And when the Dom fails to give the sub the earned praise, comfort, affection, and other rewards it creates a mental and emotional upheaval within the sub that sends them from an almost euphoric high to a depressive low: sub-drop.

Think of how awful it is for a sub (especially one that is new to the lifestyle) that has opened herself up completely to her Dom, pushed herself beyond her innermost fears and embarrassment in order to submit and obey completely, and feels a sense of accomplishment and pride in taking such a huge step in her personal life…only to have her exaltation crushed by a Dom who tells her that she was pitiful, treats her like shit, and leaves her alone to wallow in her misery.

Legitimate Doms

Dominant partners with the right personality, maturity, and experience know that they are responsible for the mental, emotional, and physical safety of their subs. They are supposed to make the sub feel loved, cherished, adored, along with protected and safe, at all times. And that goes double during times of punishment. Any Dom that exhibits anger toward their sub shows their immaturity and lack of experience. And a Dom that picks their sub apart with words has a personality flaw diametrically opposed to ever being a proper Dom. In fact, anyone without the aforementioned positive traits (compassion, empathy, respect, etc) should be passed over by any sub looking for a partner.

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Love and Compatibility

A Dom that exhibits the positive traits and shows constant affection toward his sub consequently prevents any mental or emotional plunge from occurring. In other words, love and compatibility between the D/s couple naturally combats sub-drop.

My loving sub, kat, has never heard me raise my voice in anger and has never heard me say a cross word to her. She knows she is loved unconditionally every second of every day. And we have a compatibility level that is uncanny, even surreal at times. So compatible, in fact, that we’ve become firm believers in relationships that are meant to be.

It is just another of many reasons kat and I continually encourage people to establish their loving and compatible relationship before they embark on the D/s lifestyle. Find your true mate, one who is compatible with you and loves you unconditionally, and you will never need to worry about sub-drop.