Alpha’s Bawdy Word Play: 14th edition

[Alpha’s modern version of bawdy rhymes and erotica similar to the burlesque and vaudeville periods.]

Johnny Six-Fingers
Johnny Six-Fingers
Was a singer
Who sang to the cops they say
He played the dice
And lived rather nice
Till craps altered his play
He thought it a lark
Saw Mac, the loan shark
Intent on rising again
He only aroused ire
Soon came under fire
From the mob’s collection men
When caught he did fidget
Losing digit after digit
He screamed and shed a few tears
It singled his focus
With a deadly hocus-pocus
He learned to prey on men’s fears
Turned shark against shark
Blood flowed in the dark
Gallons to appease his loss
When all was said and done
It wasn’t luck that won
Johnny’s brains made him the top boss
Johnny never did squeal
He made the cops a new deal
All for the sake of survival
For a piece of the pie
In this game of do-or-die
They took down rival after rival
He let his seconds oversee
While he lived a life of luxury
While spreading thighs for a kinky kick
He satisfied the pussy
Loved to make it extra juicy
With his tongue and six-finger trick

Ain’t no hero, ain’t no glory
Ain’t even a moral to this story
Sometimes life is just a throw of the dice
Those who win and those who lose
See how both sides break the rules
Survival of the fittest, or fittest for the vice

A Pussy Tale
From the lips of a friend I heard a tale
About a pussy that couldn’t swim but loved to sail
Until a shark fin
Knocked the pussy in
So, the pussy was now sushi, except for half its tail

Gypsy from Poughkeepsie
The gypsy from Poughkeepsie
Known for her hot sexy tail
She’ll spin you a yarn
And steal without harm
And never sees the inside of jail

The gypsy from Poughkeepsie
Has the tightest little tush
A consummate liar
With eyes of passion fire
Every man’s desire to enter and push

The gypsy from Poughkeepsie
That only takes it in the rear
She grifts and cons
Scams, jams, and slams
Then takes a jack-hammerin’ without fear

The gypsy from Poughkeepsie
With the “A” number one ass
Will steal you blind
While blowin’ your mind
Self-lovin’ with a dildo of glass

The gypsy from Poughkeepsie
With and All-American prime rump
Loves to wheel and deal
But takes time to feel
The pleasure and pain of a ravishing hump

The gypsy from Poughkeepsie
With a symmetrically beautiful butt
Has to steal to survive
But truly feels alive
With her chosen role as an anal slut

 

Have a good day!

 

Whim and a Hunch: by Alpha & kat

[While considering the possibility of a D/s Dr. Seuss, kat and I had some laughs putting this collaboration together.]

 

On a whim and a hunch… I’d like to munch you for brunch
I would munch you a bunch… Then you’d munch me for lunch

Would you think it quite crude…if we both ate in the nude?
Tis’ neither rude nor crude…to eat our food in the nude

I hope you’re not a prude…and I hope you do not brood
And take it on a hunch…to munch a bunch in the nude

I love to lick and kiss…during moments such as this
A kiss that feels like bliss…a bliss you’d regret to miss

With your body so fine…now au natural to dine
Taste your nectar divine…a smooth and sweet pussy wine

Don’t you wish that we could…each forever dine so fine?
So fine that we can dine…me with yours and you with mine

My tongue upon your chest…love to munch your tasty breast
A truly flavored quest…to nibble tits on the crest

When I suck your nipple…pleasure begins to ripple
And nipple to nipple…makes both our pleasures triple

We both can take a peek…at the entrée’ tongue-in-cheek
It truly is the peak…a climax that makes you weak

But now it’s time to glut…and savor each other’s butt
Me a stag that’s in rut…and you Daddy’s horny slut

It is a tasty treat…enjoying each other’s seat
But with this tasty treat…we both know it’s not complete
Till there’s penetration…with a sense of elation
Fucking penetration…that’s cause for celebration

 

dr seuss 2

 

Alpha’s Bawdy Word Play: (13th edition)

[Alpha’s modern version of bawdy rhymes and erotica similar to vaudeville and burlesque.] 

 

Sir’s new her
He said he wished to feel her
She said, I’ll probably scream, sir
It was truly nice to feel her
It was quite nice, I thank you, sir

I desired again to touch her
Well, pray tell, how much, sir?
A hell of a lot he said to her
Only if you’re Johnny-on-the-spot, sir

My get-up-and-go is up for her
You’re going much too far, sir
No such place he said to her
You’re teetering on disgrace, sir

Gambling, I’m now all-in her
My mind does swoon and spin, sir
From the start I chose to arouse her
But you carouse without the heart, sir

I think I feel love for her
You’re feeling friction when you move, sir
And I feel a willingness in her
Only for that which you’ll be spilling, sir

I knew that I could have her
I fear it’s your wife that’s been had, sir
Another taste of forbidden fruit with her
Ow! That’s my never-ridden hole, sir!

The cream of the crop for her
From pain to pleasure, don’t stop, sir
Tis’ too divine, I shall not fare in her
Better tow-the-line since you dared, sir

No more amiss, I last, then cum in her
Tis’ utter bliss, a blast, and fun, sir
Now on with life I bid adieu to her
First, a message from your wife…
She’s divorcing you, sir

Peg Leg Paulette
Peg Leg Paulette is not what you think, so don’t bet
She never lost a limb, but one day she had a whim
To pick up a whip and flog a man with a sassy lip
She also used a belt, and a cane to leave a welt
It opened her eyes to a world where fantasy lies
And the cries of pain are a pleasure strain
A Domme she became in the treasured game
Where her sly little wink tells of joy within her kink
When she straps on her leg, the one she named Peg
And revels in the treat, while pegging her sub’s seat
Long and hard till satisfaction is complete

Crafty Cat
There was a crafty cat
That always knew where it was at
And where was what
Of the latest scuttlebutt
On how to get the most tit for tat

Alpha’s Bawdy Word Play: Pt.12

[Alpha’s modern version of bawdy word play and erotica similar to the burlesque and vaudeville periods.]

Majestic
The richest royal apparel
Is but filthy rags and shoddy
When compared to that which it covers
The majestic human body

Give and Take
Hush, hush
Don’t be in such a rush
Push, push
Right in that sexy tush
Squeeze, squeeze
You’re being a little tease
Degrees, degrees
There’s levels when you please
Moan, moan
There’s pleasure in this groan
Spank, spank
A measure to which you’ll atone
Alone, alone
Nevermore as Dom and sub
Suck, suck
You on the knob, me on the nub
Give and take
Our D/s dynamic, let’s quiver and quake
Take and give
Forevermore, it’s how we wish to live

Peg Leg Pete
Peg Leg Pete couldn’t stand on his feet
Cuz’ one foot was all that he had
His right foot was lost, a rather steep cost
To find his talent as a whaler was all bad
His ankle went later, chomped off by a ‘gator
The incident made him rather irate
While he did heal, another piece became a meal
Shin and calf went to a shark as shark bait
He’s now a land-lubber, with a penchant for rubber
A major stockholder in a trendy dick-slicker
Condom Man his moniker, protecting the doniker
Though he always goes unsheathed as a pussy-licker

Alpha’s Bawdy Word Play: 11th edition

[Alpha’s modern version of bawdy word play and erotica like the vaudeville and burlesque period.]

 

Ravished
You dirty cad
You’re being so bad
So vile and so forward
Another broken promise
Never again will I trust your word
You scoundrel
You boar
You’re the type I deplore
Your straying hands…
Away, I say
How they grope and tear
Leaving my bosom bare
You paw me like a horny dog
I swoon with fear and lustful fog
As you seek more between my thighs
You hear my moans but not my cries
How rude and vile to ravish me more
But, pray tell, are you sure you’ve locked the door?

Hidey Hole
Blue skies above
Green grass below
Just right for picnic games
Playing Hidey Hole
You show me your pet snake
It loves the stroke and roll
But not as much as a super blow
In my first Hidey Hole
Then it takes a Southern trip
Just how far does it go?
It goes deep—repeatedly
Making my next Hidey Hole…purr
“Thank you, sir,” I say
“But where does your snake now stray?”
“Behind you, dear,” he says
“Like a spear it’ll pierce your rear”
This Hidey Hole he won’t soon leave
He’ll fuck it the rest of the day

Elusive Bliss
There isn’t much to see when you’re raised in a barrio
But every boy in the ‘hood would pay to see my sister, Rosa Ario
If you want her to shed her panties
You each have to up your antes
Cuz’ we work as a team; I’m the flesh peddling impresario

I stimulate their lust addiction with girls that show too much
But always leaving them wanting more; they can look but not touch
Yes, I tease to please with my sis
I sell the ever-elusive bliss
But for those that cross the line, even their cocks will need a crutch

The Nerd
The little dweeb came up to me acting like a player
Wearing silk with a wad of condoms; he fancies himself a love slayer
But platform shoes and an Elvis toupee’
The Woody Allen look his only woody today
Guarantees this nerd hasn’t got a prayer

What’s that? A million dollars! Right this way, honey-bunch
You don’t have to be a player…
With enough cash to be a payor