D/s: Prefer real scenes: (Pt.2) In tune with each other

In the first part of this series I explained how kat and I prefer to incorporate sex into our daily activities, hobbies, past-times, etc., instead of participating in the standard pretend play scenes (like Master/slave, Teacher/student, Doctor/nurse). And I ended the post by explaining how my love for motorcycles can and has been included in our sex-life.

Today’s post will touch on a few ways we utilize music to enhance our sex-life. Continue reading “D/s: Prefer real scenes: (Pt.2) In tune with each other”

D/s: Prefer real scenes + Bad to the Bone

D/s: Prefer Real Scenes

Traditional play scenes like Master/slave, Teacher/school girl, Doctor/nurse, and countless others have never been included in our sex-life. Kat and I have experimented with the traditional play sessions in past relationships, with similar results: it didn’t do much for either of us. We have nothing against such play, but they’re not a good fit for our personalities.

We don’t want to pretend to be anyone else: we’re realists. We want to experience our sexuality—through playfulness, exploration, and experimentation—completely as ourselves.

The possibilities for sexual variation are equally limitless when remaining ourselves as they are for those that role-play; plus, we’re never hampered by the perceived boundaries of a character. The only limits we have are the limits of our imagination.

Kat has often told me that she loves my seemingly insatiable appetite for learning and experiencing new things. And, as her Dom, I’ve seen the possibilities—with positive benefits—of incorporating sex into as many areas of interest as we can. It creates a vast arena outside of traditional play sessions to enjoy sexual diversity; plus, it fits our personalities better, since we explore and experience it as ourselves.

So, I’ve decided to write some posts on how sex can be incorporated into areas of interest. Naturally, I’ll be using various daily life situations, hobbies, past-times, and other interests closely related to kat and I.

I’m sure many of you have already done similar activities. But it may spark additional ideas for spicing up the sex-life of couples new to D/s, or even vanilla couples.

couple on bike 8

Bad to the Bone, Good for the Boner

The area I want to begin with is my love of motorcycles. I’ve ridden bikes on and off road since I was young. Bikes have an allure for those who like things cool, fast, powerful, and sexy. They also spark images and thoughts of independence, freedom, Lone Wolves, rogues, rebels, outlaws, and bad boys.

The growl of a Harley when it cranks over is like a badass baritone announcing the arousing festivities are about to commence. When you straddle the steel steed in Levi’s and leather—and your lady cuddles behind you close enough to feel her temperature rise with the throbbing vibrations of the bike between your legs—you can’t help smiling on the inside, while maintaining your exterior cool.

Yes, bikes and babes go together like tongues and clits. And if you can’t think of some sexy possibilities with that combination then Viagra won’t even help you. After all, the primary apparel for babes on bikes is tight-ass jeans, short-shorts, bikinis, and leather. And the leather can be anything from mini-skirts to pants, or vests to chaps. And a babe with leather chaps over panties with sexy butt cheeks exposed is a standard wet dream for any serious biker.

For the more experienced bikers with a taste for thrills, sex at 70-mph or above gets the adrenalin pumping faster than your penis in her pussy. It’s kind of like entering the mile-high club for frequent flyers. But, as you can imagine, it’s dangerous as hell. So, while I considered it in my reckless youth, my middle-age maturity and common sense will not allow me to endanger kat.

However, the throbbing vibration of a Harley—which is far better than any vibrating household appliance women have humped for masturbatory purposes throughout history—is too good not to take advantage of. So, just think of the wonderful possibilities of you and your sub in a modified cowboy or reverse cowboy position atop an idling Harley, and the vibrations varying at the twist of a throttle. Or, how about the same positions while riding slow down a bumpy dirt road.

The vibrations of the bike along with road choice can also be a great way to arouse your sub, or get her off sexually. Sex toys—dildoes, vibrators, and butt plugs—can easily be used in her pussy, ass, or both. It gives a whole new meaning to joy-riding.

On less adventurous days, a bike can still take you to some great secluded spots where you can get naked, skinny-dip, and fuck your brains out in the heat of the sun, or under the moon and stars; whether on the ground, straddling the bike, or simply bending her over it.

The scenario possibilities are endless. For instance, I really like the following Halloween scenario:

Kat wears a pair of her skin-tight jeans—which help secure a plug in her ass—along with sexy knee-high leather boots, and a slinky silk top that blows with the breeze.

We hop on the Harley and go hog-wild visiting half a dozen haunted houses in three adjoining counties. We then head up through an old cemetery to a secluded spot where a rippling brook empties into a lake.

Once there, we pay no mind to the bewitching hour as we suck and fuck for a couple hours; ending with the piece de resistance, removing the butt plug, bending her over the seat of the bike, and fucking and spanking her ass until she screams and cums so long that every critter in the forest knows my name.

Last word

There’s nothing better than enjoying orgasmic bliss doing something you love with the person you love the most. So, if you haven’t done it already, make a list of your daily duties, hobbies, past-times, etc, and begin to find ways to include them in your sex-life. You won’t be sorry.

PS: My next several posts will touch on some other areas kat and I have chosen to include in our sex-life: some to spice up our sex-life, and others to spice up the activity (like chores).

bike babe in chaps 7

D/s: Comparing Foundations

At a well-known fetish event held yearly in San Francisco an alleged BDSM master was asked what foundational qualities he preferred in a new sub he was beginning a relationship with. Without hesitation, he said, “I prefer them alive, with a wet pussy, tight ass, and the ability to suck a golf ball through a garden hose.”

That answer places him, thankfully, in the minority—approximately two-percent of those participating in the D/s-BDSM world—where a variety of foolish and selfish foundational ideas exist.

The other ninety-eight percent of us—anyone with an IQ over 50—adhere to one of two primary foundational beliefs: the consent and trust foundation or the love foundation.

Consent and Trust
In the introduction to Dom’s Guide to Submissive Training Vol.2, by Elizabeth Cramer, the author claims the following: “There are two foundational pillars of a BDSM relationship between a Dom and a sub: consent and trust. Everything else in the relationship—the fun, the love, the discipline, the eroticism, the tears and the journey—are all built on these standards.”

Approximately forty-eight percent of D/s-BDSM practitioners adhere to this foundational belief. And the vast majority that adhere to this belief were attracted to the lifestyle prior to the relationships.

The kink, the fetish, the dark side is a powerful magnet that can easily seduce individuals with unmet sexual needs and fantasies. Thus, many people gain entrance into the D/s-BDSM world through a variety of outlets strictly catering to sexual fulfillment.

Private clubs, parties, dungeons, play groups, fetish fairs and kink conventions, along with Fet-Life and other fetish related social sites, and various other outlets introduce many people to the D/s-BDSM world while encouraging anything imaginable in couplings. And the universal belief is…as long as the participants are consenting adults and trustworthy, anything goes.

A very wise person, my grandmother, once told me the following: “Never commit to a relationship that isn’t solidly built with a foundation of love.”

Love cannot guarantee a successful relationship, nothing can, but statistically it has a far better chance of succeeding than any other foundation.

Approximately half of all practitioners of D/s-BDSM adhere to the belief of a love foundation. The lion’s share that adhere to this belief were already in a committed relationship prior to participation in the D/s-BDSM world.

Many of these couples turned to D/s-BDSM to spice up a declining sex-life or explore fantasies or personality traits in one or both mates.

I let kat know early—during the long-distance phase of our relationship—that I have a natural Alpha personality. And, while I prefer relationships that include the D/s dynamic, it must first be built on a solid foundation of love.

Choosing Between the Two Primary Beliefs
If you are an individual or couple interested in pursuing a D/s-BDSM relationship, make sure you take into consideration your specific wants and needs. The best time for introspection and preparation is always before you commit to a new venture. You would think such planning was logically obvious, and yet, people dive into life-changing situations constantly with little or no thought given to the consequence of their actions.

TK was introduced to BDSM through porn, which inspired him to seek out ways to participate directly. Online connections led to play groups and dungeons, and it quickly became apparent to him that his main goal was sexual gratification in as many ways as possible with as many willing partners as he could get. So, consent through the basic contracts, and trusting both parties will adhere to the contracts is the most that he can commit to at this point in his life.

LY & PY were married eleven years before they considered including D/s into their relationship. It was not an easy decision to make. Their vanilla marriage had been mostly positive, but the transition to middle-age played heavy on PY’s self-image and belief that she’d failed to express her true self: her fantasies always included submission, both sexually and non-sexually. But LY finally consented after a lengthy period of communication, as long as the marriage remained traditional with the foundation of love retaining priority over the D/s dynamic. That change occurred six-years ago and is still going strong.

Last Word
Though I’ve always been partial to relationships built on a solid foundation of love—and all available statistics show relationships built on a loving foundation last longer than others—I can see the appeal of a consent and trust foundation for individuals that are more self-centered. If the goal is sexual gratification a foundation built on consent and trust alleviates the deep emotional attachment that committed love brings to relationships.

Just be sure you truly know what you need and want so you can choose the best foundation for you.

D/s: Maintain the Foundation

When a D/s relationship is in sync—both Dom and sub in the proper mindset—it’s one of the best experiences any couple could ever have. That’s why I prefer a D/s relationship over all other options.

Unfortunately, although unique, humans are an imperfect species that can foul-up a perfect wet dream—like a relationship built with a D/s dynamic.

In prior posts, I’ve touched on various areas to protect or maintain while building a solid and loving D/s relationship. In this post I want to stress maintaining the love between the couple. It’s something we all know is important, but (for a variety of reasons) we often overlook or become complacent about: eventually to the detriment of ourselves or the relationship.

KC&MC were married six-years before beginning their D/s journey. They got caught up in sub-frenzy with an order of Dom-frenzy on the side. Both were spurred on by a reignited sex-life that had fallen off for a couple years prior to their commitment to D/s. So, they put all their energy and effort into fulfilling their reawakened lusts.

Any couple in the D/s world for any length of time knows sessions or scenarios (spontaneous or not) fueled by pure lust can have some very satisfying orgasmic rewards. But a relationship that only fuels the lusts will eventually crash and burn or fizzle out when the love foundation rots away.

KC&MC went through a very rough period. They thought a good sex-life alone could fulfill the relationship. They were wrong. But they found out in time, and after just a few counseling sessions they were headed in the right direction again.

Almost every homeowner I know spends hundreds or thousands annually on the cosmetic appearance and upkeep of their home. That fact is stated in their general conversations constantly. But I cannot recall one telling me they also had their foundation checked.

Couples that treat their relationships the same way shouldn’t be surprised when their loving foundation cracks, shifts, crumbles, or falls into a sinkhole.

Every couple should build their relationship on a loving foundation—along with respect, trust, communication, compatibility, honesty, etc. And that foundation needs to be maintained and reinforced constantly. After all, if you make a concerted effort to maintain the love and romance the relationship is founded on, your sex-life will always have a solid foundation to build on.

In other words, if you want a great sex-life keep love and romance alive.

PS: What, you’re still here? Stop reading and go love you mate!

You can do it in D/s

Do you want to give or get a spanking?
Or be voyeuristic with some wanking?
It’s okay, you can do it in D/s.

Does sopping wet pussy sound succulent and tasty?
Like to lick it and suck it, but not be hasty?
It’s okay, you can do it in D/s.

Do you like to be gagged and bound,
Suspended from the ceiling, or chained to the ground?
It’s okay, you can do it in D/s.

Do you get turned on with a butt that’s plugged?
Or do you crave sub-space like an addict that’s drugged?
It’s okay, you can do it in D/s.

Are you obsessed with the Hershey Highway?
Or do you choose variety, trying to live the Bi-way?
It’s okay, you can do it in D/s.

Perhaps you’re the type that yearns to be chaste;
Bound and denied, no orgasms to waste.
It’s okay, you can do it in D/s.

Do you think blowjobs are the best?
Or prefer sandwiching your dick between huge breasts?
It’s okay, you can do it in D/s.

Do you like to dominate a sex-crazed sub?
Or oil up her body to give you a full body rub?
It’s okay, you can do it in D/s.

Do you like to seduce with a sexy striptease?
Or do you prefer the sting of a whip while begging, “Please?”
It’s okay, you can do it in D/s.

I hope I’ve made it clear, and I’ve made my point
Don’t worry about naysayers with their nose out of joint
There’s no one size fits all in the D/s world
Any advice that says there is, is vomited and hurled

Each D/s couple should pick and choose what’s best for each
From vanilla to the darkest kink, it’s all within their reach
What works for you is best for you, that’s the D/s rule
Don’t waste your breath on the contrary—simply pity the fool!