Definitely Dom, but when?

A recent post by MisterMan sparked a lot of interest. He asked what might appear to be one of the most obvious questions anyone involved in D/s might get asked: When did you know you were a Dominant or submissive?

Yes, I’ve seen the question presented many times before, usually in 30-day type lists for evaluating yourself. And I always had a standard answer ready: I’ve known I was an Alpha from an early age (though I didn’t know the terminology back then). And I left it at that. But the way MisterMan tried to pinpoint the moment and still came away unsure made me question whether I could recall the exact moment, or at least the progression from unaware to fully aware of my natural need to dominate in relationships.

So I dusted off my thinking cap—no, actually I gulped down a couple night caps—and began to ponder the possibilities of a predominant path to my present Dominant position. Whew! That’s a tongue twister after two Southern Comfort & cokes.

I’ve had four really good male role-models in my life: my grandfathers, my father, and a platoon sergeant. My paternal grandfather, after being orphaned, protected and provided for his siblings in England during WW1, then made his way to America and eventually built a successful business. My maternal grandfather had a hard life on the reservation, then was kicked off the rez’ during the so-called “New Deal,” but he worked hard and became a successful rancher. My father, a by-product of his father, taught me the same traditions of working hard and protecting and providing for your family. And somehow, in spite of my youth and rebelliousness, enough of their actions and words got through to me. And even though I fought a lot, I was the kid that protected the underdog and beat up the bullies (because if I ever became a bully my dad would kick my ass).

When I joined the military at 17, I ended up in an elite platoon that had a platoon sergeant that even the generals had to salute (because he’d been awarded the Medal of Honor). And he took me under his wing and worked my angry rebellious ass into shape, and pushed me into leadership positions. And I’ll thank all four of them till my dying day for the mentoring they provided.

But how does all that fit into a D/s relationship? Well, I was destined to be a rugged individualist from the day of my birth, when my mom shunned me and wouldn’t touch me: they didn’t talk about stuff like post-partum depression back then. And I became the kid that other kids followed; I resented authority and the screwed up system I saw in a bad section of L.A. In fact, I was the kid girls wanted to date to piss-off their parents. And yet, in spite of my “juvenile delinquent” reputation I started working at age 12 to pay my way, and had four part-time jobs simultaneously at age 16 before going into the military a year later. Unfortunately, because of my youth, immaturity, and anger issues, when it came to relationships, it was often my way or the highway (as the saying goes); which, if you think about it, is a lot like immature or wannabe Doms in the D/s world.

But after getting a handle on my anger during my early twenties (and subsequent years of psychology education and experience), I realized I still felt the need to be in control in relationships but the emphasis was now more traditional. There was a stronger urge to place my mate’s wants and needs above my own. And while fulfilling their wants and needs, to still provide for and protect them.

As for the original question: I cannot recall the exact moment I consciously knew I was a Dom. But it appears that from the moment of my birth I was destined to be a rugged individualist. And my subsequent life experiences have only solidified my Alpha or Dominant personality. All that remained was to find the right mate…and include the kink. But that’s a whole different story.

Total Eclipse vs Solar Fuck Fest

“Come one, come all,” I’ve heard all year

See the total eclipse of the sun

And you live in a place to see it well

You’ll have oodles and boodles of fun

 

You’ll have people come to town

That have never been here before

Perhaps a quarter-of-a-million folks

And some say maybe more

 

NASA has already sent a team

Months ahead for preparation

To tell of the Solar Fest

It’s more fun than masturbation

 

And have you heard how properties

Up for sale in these three counties

Have been bought by greedy bastards

In order to charge exorbitant bounties

 

And all the local establishments

Are hawking Solar Fest fare

Like cheap ass glasses to scorch your eyes

You forgot “buyer beware”

 

And because of the looky loos a comin’

The rainbow crowd has come to roost

Not to brighten the festivities

But they sure give our crime stats a boost

 

I know exactly where I’ll be

During the total solar eclipse

Watching kat’s sexy ass moon the sun

Shading me as I lick her pussy lips

 

And while all the millions stare at the sun

Some that will even risk going blind

I’ll gladly send kat to sub-space

While butt-fucking her from behind

 

So go on and enjoy your total eclipse

If that’s really the best you can do

I’ll spend it with kat who’s eclipsed my heart with hers

Cuz’ my folks didn’t raise no fool

 

And when you go to tell your tale

About how you enjoyed Solar Fest

Standing like an idiot staring at the sun

I’ll speak of a tale concerning kat’s tail

And know that it’s I who was truly blest

And wisely enjoyed the greater fun

 

eclipse 13

Long-Distance D/s

I’ve read a few posts recently that have dealt with periods when distance is a factor in maintaining their D/s dynamic. Traveling for business, family obligations, long-distance relationships, and even vacations or weekend trips can disrupt the flow of the D/s dynamic, especially in new D/s relationships. And each couple must communicate and decide how to handle these separations when they arise. Continue reading “Long-Distance D/s”

Emotional Reassurance: a Dom’s responsibility

Fulfilling our sub’s wants and needs, especially sexually, is an honor and a privilege for us Doms: not to mention a stroke to our ego and a hell of a fucking turn-on. But it’s also our responsibility to keep our sub protected and safe, and that doesn’t just mean physically. We need to remember their psychological and emotional stability as well. And I caution you to never overlook those areas, or get into the habit of taking them lightly—especially when you consider the fact that women, for the most part, are far more emotional than men. Continue reading “Emotional Reassurance: a Dom’s responsibility”

Cathartic Release

A Master Dom knows the right measure

Cathartic release through pain and pleasure

Spanked and flogged

Unhampered, unclogged

A de-stressing session is a true blue treasure

 

Stress is a killer that’s got to be defeated

A weekly release instituted and repeated

A sub that’s really cranky

Needs a Dom’s hanky panky

To bring emotional release, although physically treated

 

Skin on skin begins the perfect combination

Then paddle, belt, and flogger—or use imagination

Feel emotional rush

When the skin gets flush

So whack it, and smack it—no more hesitation

 

Pent-up stress is all that you destroy

With a cathartic release that you employ

So have no fear

When you whip that rear

The tears of pain will turn to tears of joy

 

Though cathartic release seems like a perfect invention

There’s one more thing I must surely mention

Don’t ever whack

Don’t ever smack

Unless it’s done with a loving intention

 

Anger will only add stress to the mix

And double the trouble you still need to fix

So don’t be rejected

Keep her safe and protected

And take her to sub-space with your loving bag of tricks