Know when to hold—Know when to fold

Anyone that has ever played poker has probably heard the phrase, “You’ve got to know when to hold, and know when to fold.” And we’ve all heard stories of people who don’t follow that advice and end up losing a lot.

Knowing when to hold and when to fold is also good advice for relationships. In fact, it’s crucial in D/s—BDSM relationships, because of the communication and trust levels required since there are many activities that can cause mental, physical, and emotional harm if the partners are not in tune with each other.

I have shown in prior posts that, statistically speaking, individuals involved in loving relationships before transitioning into D/s—BDSM have a far greater success rate than individuals attempting to find the right mate while they explore the kink world at munches, play parties, dungeons, online hook-ups, etc.

It is just so much easier to begin and build a D/s dynamic into a relationship when you already have a loving foundation, good communication, mutual respect, and trust. That is why, from a psychological standpoint, I always encourage individuals to find a loving mate that is compatible with them in as many areas as possible prior to transitioning to a D/s dynamic. It allows them the best of both worlds while giving them the best chance for a successful D/s relationship. And, as previously stated, all available data that I’ve researched confirms that perspective.

However, that does not mean successful D/s relationships cannot be attained in other ways. Sure, they can. But there will usually be more obstacles to overcome; particularly when trying to find a loving, compatible mate simultaneously while starting a D/s dynamic.

It is hard enough for long-term loving couples to transition into a D/s dynamic. So, you can imagine the additional strain placed on individuals attempting to begin a D/s dynamic when they do not even know important things about their mate; like how much they like or love each other, what areas they may or may not have compatibility, can they communicate well together, do they have mutual respect, and have they had time to earn each other’s trust.

Individuals who begin under such circumstances with so many obstacles ahead of them must remain focused and keep a level head. If they allow themselves to get carried away in the newness of it all, and succumb to the physical cravings and satisfactions instead of keeping a mature perspective, they can and will run headlong into problems that could have easily been avoided.

ZL: After reading about D/s—BDSM she became fascinated with the prospect of being a sub to a loving dom. Never one to wait for what she wants, she plunged into the kink community: both local and online. She communicated with over fifty prospective doms in a two-week period…and made her choice. She then foolishly signed a contract with him during their first meeting/session; and was conned into believing it was a legal document.

He moved in with her, took control, and slowly brought her into a state of seclusion. With very limited contact with family and friends, and trying to be a good sub to a dom that was never satisfied, she became miserable. A situation that would last nearly six-months. She finally told a brother returning from military duty overseas, and he immediately threw the guy and his meager possessions out of her place.

Sadly, while still yearning to be a sub, she was traumatized so much by her first mistake that she has not been able to commit to another dom since. She’s had sessions with over forty doms since that episode—including a few fem-doms—and hasn’t been able to even do a trial commitment.

For anyone considering a jump into the D/s—BDSM world, especially those that do not presently have a loving mate, make sure your head is where it should be. Find out as much about the D/s—BDSM world as you can. Make some online friends, and maybe friends in the local kink community that you can question. And take time to make a plan, one that you intend to stick with and will not alter unless you have a very good reason. And when you spend time with a prospective partner remember the advice: know when to hold, and know when to fold.

More ebbs than flows

Kat’s last post spoke of the need for unconditional love as the relationship foundation in order to continue on during the ebbs and flows that all relationships encounter.

Unfortunately, this year has seen far more ebbs than flows. Family obligations, relations, and positions of responsibility have taken their fair share of time and effort. But this year both kat and I (primarily me as a disabled Vet) have been inundated with physical obstacles: injuries, illnesses, and medical appointments and procedures that never seem to cease. When one appears to be at an end another one (or more) pops up to take its place.

It’s been exasperating!

When your body is not functioning properly it can easily create obstacles to every area of your life.

No matter how hard we try to forge ahead and function with some semblance of normality it eventually becomes impossible. And no matter how much kat and I want and need D/s in our relationship, sometimes it just has to take a backseat for a while. Which is one reason I’ve been doing more short pieces and poetry, instead of the longer nonfiction D/s topical posts this year.

Kat can verify that I function on less than 4 hours sleep during the best of times, but it’s down to around 2 hours this year—with many sleepless nights. Often 2-4 sleepless nights consecutively: even during hospital stays with pain meds and sleeping pills that don’t seem to work well for me.

Kat and I still find time for intimacy, which we both agree is important. But it has just been too difficult trying to maintain a consistent 24/7 D/s relationship with the protocols, etc. So, I’ve suspended the mandatory Dom & sub duties until we get beyond the major physical issues.

Since we’ve always received far more response to our lengthier nonfiction D/s pieces, I just thought I’d let our followers know why we’ve put up less of those this year than usual.

The humorous pieces flow out of me like water. The nonfiction pieces don’t, especially with the constant pain and lack of sleep. But we will keep trying to make our Tuesday and Friday post dates as long as we physically can, even if they have to be more of the shorter pieces. And hopefully we’ll get beyond the physical issues like we have all previous issues.

Have a nice day!

Symbiotic

I don’t want you to change
I fell in love with you as you are
I yearn for you to kneel before me
But to do so out of love and respect
Not as a fearful servant
Or robotic slave
I yearn to fulfill your wants and needs
While keeping you protected and safe
It’s my natural inclination
A dominant personality
Dominant—not domineering
And I’m thrilled by your strength
That you’ve made your way in this world
I respect you for it
Plus, you know I enjoy the challenge
Of a strong, intelligent, and talented woman
With stimulating conversation—
Both in and out of the bedroom
The type of man I am
I would lose respect for myself
Having a sub forced to kneel out of fear
But a sub that willing submits, obeys, and kneels
Out of love, respect, and reverence
Touches me to my very core
It’s a symbiotic relationship
Submit to me willingly…and I’m yours forever

Alpha’s Bawdy Word Play: 10th Edition

Alpha’s modern version of Bawdy Word Play & Erotica similar to the Vaudeville & Burlesque periods.

 

When You…
When you think it an arrow
I shall rest it in your quiver
When you think it a lance
I shall spear thee till you shiver
When you think it a missile
I shall target only you
When you think it a wand
Its magic will prove itself true
When you think it a dart
It will always hit its mark
When you think it a beacon
It will always light up your dark
When you think it a toy
It will bring you constant joy
When you think it a bottle
You can drink all its elixir
And when you think it a tool
It will be your relationship fixer
As a pleasure and pain mixer

Dandy Dan
Dandy Dan took dick in hand
To top-off a fantasy
Cuz’ Dandy Dan is a randy ol’ man
Who digs fantasies are free
But if fantasies cost
Dan would really be lost
Like a man that is sauced
In a chilled winter frost
Too frigid to be stiff and rigid
Thus, denied his fantasies

Rowdy Rob
Rowdy Rob used to be a slob
Till he shined up his knob and it grew
The shiny knob attracts each maid
So, they keep his place spotless like new
After all, Rowdy Rob may have been a slob…
But he ain’t no fool

Coexisting
Terri’s eyes were insisting
as Ted’s hand was wrist deep in her cunt twisting
this way and that…giving her a fisting.
As his sub she does no resisting,
as if subsisting
on the pain and pleasure; a coexisting
symbiotic relationship.
The D/s dynamic persisting
throughout: the Dominant insisting
while assisting
fulfillment of the sub’s wants and needs.
The wants and needs preexisting
in the personalities of the partners enlisting
each other’s inter-twisting
fetish—that of sadist and masochist—
for the mutual satisfaction now existing.

The Mind-fuck

Mind fuck definition—

1. An experience that causes intense and usually disturbing emotion, such as shock, confusion, or fear.

2. An imaginary act of sexual intercourse.

The above are two simple definitions I found when googling mind-fuck, but neither are quite right in how I’m using it here—though #2 is closest. And there’s a form more extreme used in hardcore BDSM, but I’m not going to touch on that in this post; I’m using the term here when referencing how Alpha can arouse me with only words. He fucks my mind.

Ah, the mind-fuck—every good Dom/Domme knows how to do it.

I can’t speak about the giving of one—maybe Alpha will do that in a future post—how it’s done, and how it feels to penetrate your sub’s head and causes her/him to want to please you, to want you to take their body and do with it as you will. My thoughts don’t go in that direction; they sink into that shadowy, simmering world of Daddy taking control.

I love a mind-fuck. And Alpha is an expert.

For much of our relationship, especially at the beginning, Alpha and I were apart for extended periods of time. We loved each other and didn’t want to bring others into our relationship for sexual release, so we did what we had to, to keep intimacy alive over the miles: we used phones and computers in place of physical touch. Yep, we had phone sex.

Alpha gave me specific instructions as to what to do in the hours leading up to our phone conversation, to get me in a submissive, horny mood. And when the agreed upon time arrived, I got comfortable—having toys nearby, and anything else he’d commanded me to assemble earlier in the day. Then I called. After a settling in period, he asked me what I had on, and I knew it was time to begin.

I closed my eyes, and his sexy voice guided me. He described in detail where and how I was to touch, and told me to imagine it was him doing it. My mind could see it all, and so could his (we both have vivid imaginations). He started slow, then gradually built the intensity. And his voice reflected that intensity, becoming more commanding and urgent. Soon, he has me begging to be allowed to cum, but just as he does when we’re together, he refuses me release for a time. Then when finally, he does…all I can say is: Oh. My. God!

I guess you could say that Alpha mind-fucks me in some fashion about every day, whether in person or hundreds of miles away. He reminds me that he owns my body, that he has full control of it, and what he wants to do/is going to do to it. And his voice—masculine, smooth, but with a bit of a growl—can make me weak and wet and wanting long before he even touches me—or allows me to touch myself.

Men, vanilla or otherwise, who take the time to understand women, know that most need to be emotionally touched to crave physical touch, most especially in a long-term relationship. And being touched emotionally doesn’t always have to do with love (though it makes the experience even more intense). Building the desire for sex can be done in many ways: a look, a touch, using certain words and phrases. And in D/s / BDSM, the added element of control is a powerful aphrodisiac. A Dom/Domme who knows how to utilize control using only their voice and words will have his/her sub aching for their touch. They know the art of a mind-fuck.

I’ve read that D/s is a dance between the Dominant and submissive. And a Dom who learns the steps of the mind-fuck, and leads his/her partner in the dance as old as mankind, will have a happy sub.

And lots of fantastic sex.