Bad Girl

Every Daddy needs his own special girl, just as every good girl needs her Daddy—even if you happen to be The Joker and Harley Quinn. Just goes to show, there’s someone for everyone…

Video here

“Bad Girl” by Avril Lavigne
(feat. Marilyn Manson)

Just lay your head in daddy’s lap, you’re a bad girl

Bad girl (1-2-3-4)

Hey, hey
I’ll let you walk all over me, me
You know that I’m a little tease, tease
But I want it pretty please, please

You know you know you know I’m crazy
I just wanna be your baby
You can fuck me, you can play me
You can love and you can hate me

Miss me, miss me, now you wanna kiss me

Choke me because I said so
Stroke me and feed my ego
I’ve been a bad girl, don’t you know?
(Don’t tell me what to do)
Come get it now or never
I’ll let you do whatever
I’ll be your bad girl, here we go
(1-2-3-4)

Miss me, miss me, now you wanna kiss me

(You’re a bad girl)

Baby
You know I want a little taste, taste
So let me take you all the way, way
You know you’ll never be the same, same

(You fuckin’ bad girl!)

One night
You won’t forget the rest of your life
So come on over to the wild side
Buckle up and, baby, hold on tight

Miss me, miss me, now you wanna kiss me
We both know that you love me ’cause I’m so bad

Choke me because I said so
Stroke me and feed my ego
I’ve been a bad girl, don’t you know?
(Don’t tell me what to do)
Come get it now or never
I’ll let you do whatever
I’ll be your bad girl, here we go
(1-2-3-4)

I’ve been a bad girl
I’ve been a bad girl
I’ll been a bad girl
I’ll been a bad girl
I’ve been a bad girl
I’ve been a bad girl
I’ll been a bad girl
I’m such a bad girl

Choke me because I said so
Stroke me and feed my ego
I’ve been a bad girl, don’t you know?
(Don’t tell me what to do)
Come get it now or never
I’ll let you do whatever
I’ll be your bad girl, here we go
(1-2-3-4)

Bad bad bad girl

Is D/s my real life?

I noticed that several blogs have been pondering the question “Is D/s my real life?” Five simple words, but the more I thought about it the more it intrigued me. And yet, the more convoluted it also became, for I realized it could go in various directions depending upon what perspective I chose.

For instance, I was brought into the D/s world as a teenager. And those who read the posts where I explained how that occurred might recall that it was a long-term negative experience. So, one might pose the question, how could it be my real life if I was manipulated into it by an authority figure over twice my age?

On the other hand, I am a natural Alpha male. So, even in my off-and-on periods of vanilla life I was the rugged individualist that was always in traditional male-led relationships.

Hell, even as a teenager, the Alpha in me couldn’t be completely suppressed. I eventually turned my manipulator’s tricks against her: controlling her for the last half of the relationship, before severing ties with her to go into the military.

My first marriage was not D/s oriented, but my second was. And during the long period between the two, when playing the field, there were far more so-called vanilla relationships than D/s. And yet, D/s clearly held the stronger sexual attraction if you go by labeled definitions.

Does that stronger sexual attraction prove D/s is my “real” life? Not really. As a natural Alpha I enjoyed the same sexual pleasures—with few exceptions—in my vanilla relationships that I presently enjoy in my D/s relationship.

Vanilla girls that were attracted to me as a “bad boy” when I was younger, or to my rugged individualism when I was older, allowed me to push their sexual boundaries with little resistance.

If that’s true, why do I choose to live in a 24/7 D/s relationship? And doesn’t being in a 24/7 D/s relationship prove D/s is my “real” life? — Not necessarily.

What I realized when trying to answer this question is that saying yes or no is purely built on social constructs. If I’m the same natural Alpha in my vanilla existence that I am in my D/s existence, then how can one be more “real” than the other?

It can’t be.

The truth is that I am the same person in both vanilla and D/s worlds. The difference is not me, because I’m the same person whether I’m actively in one or the other.

The difference is how I am perceived by those caught-up in the social constructs of the vanilla and D/s worlds. In other words, society’s long-standing need to label everything and everyone for quick and easy reference.

Then why choose one or the other if both lifestyles are social constructs? Because humans predominantly make that choice based on either familiarity (how they were raised), or where they feel more accepted and allowed to be themselves.

I choose a 24/7 D/s lifestyle because that label is the closest fit to me within the social constructs of vanilla or D/s. For instance, several of the vanilla females that allowed me to spank and fuck their asses had nothing but derogatory things to say about women in D/s relationships, or D/s in general. Which doesn’t make a lot of sense (because I do the same activity in both worlds), but they are hung-up on the labels.

The D/s community is not much different. It’s a social construct just like the vanilla world, but my so-called kinky proclivities in the vanilla world allow me to be more accepted in the D/s world. But I’m the same person either way, in either world.

So, is D/s my “real” life? Absolutely not. And neither is vanilla or any other socially constructed label. But D/s is the closest label I have to use within society to explain certain parts of who I am and how I choose to live with kat.

Kat and I chose our relationship together based on the unconditional love we have for each other. And we chose to utilize D/s to enhance the relationship. But it is still just a label attached to behavior or activities that I would do with or without the label. In fact, it was a part of me long before I was “in” the D/s community. The label just makes it easier to explain because it’s based on a social construct they can relate to…not really because it’s who I am or not.

D/s: Three-part punishment plan

There was some interest shown over a recent post when I briefly described a 3-part punishment plan. So, I decided to elaborate a little more on the topic.

First off, I do not use the 3-part plan for every offense. There are various minor infractions that do not require more than a stern warning or quick spanking. But I have found the 3-part plan beneficial for all medium to major offenses.

Why the 3-part plan?
Anyone that has followed us for any length of time knows that I have been in D/s a long time. So, I have read, heard, or seen just about every imaginable concept of punishment in or out of the D/s community.

Before settling on a plan that fit my personality and beliefs (as a Dom and a man) I drew heavily on my psychology training and investigative experience.

I had enough experience and knowledge to know the basic elements I was looking for. After all, it was basic common sense. I just needed a workable plan that I could use in any given situation with the proper results: that my sub/kat would not (or rarely) commit the same offense again.

The three primary factors I looked for was a quick response, a way for my sub/kat to learn from the experience, and something to ensure that she would not want to do it again. And that’s how I settled on the idea of combining corporeal punishment with a learning task and a deterrent task.

Corporeal punishment
Spanking is effective as long as the practice is not abused. In fact, there is a wealth of evidence to show that corporeal punishment—when properly applied—can have long-lasting positive effects.

Psychologically speaking, the best results occur if you adhere to the following: (1) the closer the spanking is to the infraction the greater the mental connection it will have on the offender (spanking on the same day as the offense is preferable, though not always possible). (2) Absolutely NEVER spank when you’re angry and not thoroughly in control of your emotions. It is the #1 reason why people turn a positive act, like corporeal punishment, into an abusive situation. (3) Calmly communicate with your sub prior to the spanking: reminding them of their infraction, their consensual agreement to punishment for negative behavior which can affect the relationship, and your love for them. (4) Administer the appropriate spanking for that particular infraction. (5) And follow it with affectionate after-care while reminding them again of your love.

Learning task
Psychologically speaking, again, there is plenty of evidence to show that humans made to confront their negative behavior—in combination with corporeal punishment—are more likely to abstain from the behavior in the future. Various research has shown between 32-65% more offenders have abstained from recommitting their offense when the two were combined.

For the best results, make sure the learning task is created specifically for the offender: taking into account their personality and primary way of learning.

Deterrent task
Although corporeal punishment and learning tasks can be useful deterrents to bad behavior, it is a good idea to include a specific deterrent task designed for the offender.

The task should be appropriate to the offense and be so disliked by the offender that they will not want to do it again.

Deterrent tasks—combined with corporeal punishment and learning tasks—are even more effective then when used separately. Research suggests between 48-83% more effective.

Last word
The combination of all three—spanking, learning task, and deterrent task—fulfill the three primary factors I looked for. The spanking can be administered quickly to fulfill the quick response factor. The learning task allows the sub to learn from the experience. And the deterrent task is specifically designed so the sub would never want to endure it again.
Just remember that everyone is different, and each plan needs to be tailor-made for the Dom and sub it will be used for and by.

As Dom it’s my responsibility

The necessities of daily life and time spent away from your mate can easily create situations that may affect your relationship. This can happen to anyone, not just those of us in D/s relationships.

Job, family, kids, health problems, and times apart can sap your energy and steer your focus away from your mate.

The recent incident involving kat occurred during a period when a combination of issues commanded more of our time.

Since the new year began I have endured two emergency room visits, which led to hospital stays of several days each, along with rehabilitation time and multiple doctor visits. And this came after taking on an extra project for an organization I belong to (that I spoke about in a prior post). Plus, kat and I spend extended periods with me out of state.

Kat does her best to help in this partnership, but as Dom, it is my responsibility to try and keep everything running as smoothly as possible during these periods; including allotting enough time and energy for kat and the relationship. But in the latest situation the extenuating factors mentioned above clouded my eyes to some warning signals that I normally catch.

This does not absolve kat of willfully choosing to do something she knew was wrong. We’re both firm believers in accountability for our choices and actions. She knows this, accepted it, and has atoned for her actions.

I could have made her punishment harder, but I took the extenuating circumstances into consideration.

I equally held myself accountable, extenuating circumstances or not, for my lapse in observation and judgment. The fact that I was going through a healing period, was responsible for a new project, and away from kat for extended periods is no excuse.

The responsibility ultimately falls on the leader. And I am kat’s Dom and take that responsibility seriously.

Since this situation has occurred I’ve instituted several protocols and duties for kat, along with additional Dom duties for myself, in an effort to keep our relationship a top priority at all times. And to counter the detrimental effects caused by the daily grind and other influences.

It’s too early to tell how these additional measures will fare against new obstacles. But they have already pulled kat and I closer. We have even joked about having that “new love feeling and spark” all over again. And that alone makes the extra effort worth it.

Alpha’s response to a humbled kat

Humble Pie,” the recent post written by kat was hard for her to write. It’s not easy for most people to admit when they screw-up, especially when they screw-up royally. And, believe me, when kat said she “had to eat a big slice of humble pie,” she wasn’t kidding. She probably gained 20-lbs of humbleness in a single sitting.

Admirably, kat chose to do the post. It is not part of the punishments / consequences that I’ve meted out to atone for her disrespectful act.

Being her Dom and the recipient of the disrespectful act—make that extremely disrespectful—I have the right to expose her deceptive actions. It would be an interesting story and a good object lesson for others.

But I am kat’s Dom and have a greater responsibility to her. And she’s already punishing herself more than any outside influence could ever achieve. So, this story must wait to be told till the day we can both laugh at it in hindsight.

Regarding consequences, I’ve assigned some special tasks for kat to accomplish prior to my return home.

One of the consequences is a writing task specifically designed to make kat relive the incident as a learning experience. She has to spell out exactly what she did, what led up to it and why she believes she would choose to do something so contrary to who she is normally. She must also include a formal apology to me with a promise to accept all punishment and consequences and never do anything like it again.

The second task is the deterrent task. I will not divulge the specifics, but it is a displeasing task from kat’s standpoint to deter her from ever deciding to do the same “naughty girl” action ever again.

Those of you that read kat’s post know that upon my return home she will receive a well-deserved spanking. But she knows it will be delivered without anger, and from a foundation of love. With plenty of after-care to begin the healing.

After that we’ll both be able to put it behind us and move forward: kat healing from the guilt and shame, and me healing from the hurt of fresh cuts to the heart (metaphorically speaking of course).