To Submit Or Not To Submit

When Alpha and I first met, I had never heard of D/s; sure, I was somewhat familiar with BDSM, but not D/s. Nor D/s relationships, 24/7 or otherwise.

When we were in the “getting to know each other” stage, he told me he was an alpha. I assumed he meant that he was a take charge sort of guy, which I liked because in my previous two serious relationships, I became the one in charge by default. Both partners wanted a mama, not a wife.

Alpha and I were a little farther in (both had expressed our love for the other) before he introduced the subject of D/s, and told me that in the long term, for him to be completely happy in our relationship, he required submission from me. So, I set out to learn all I could about D/s, both from Alpha and my own research. And what I discovered troubled me: according to what I read, I was not a natural submissive.

Yes, I wanted a man I respected, who was a leader, but…

I didn’t want or need a micromanager telling me how and when to do everything. I didn’t want rituals, supervision, a list of dos and don’ts with punishment meted out for infractions (which, to me, would put me on the level of a child). And I sure didn’t want to sit on the floor at a man’s feet, naked with a plug up my butt while he sat on a comfy couch, reading or watching TV—not that I have anything against butt plugs per se.

The more I read, the more I realized it was not in my nature to be a submissive.

When I brought up what didn’t sit well with me to Alpha, he told me that most of the things I was concerned about weren’t important to him. But he was steadfast in his requirements: he would be head of the household, all final decisions would rest with him, though he would always want my input; in our home and alone, I would dress a certain way, or if he wished, wear nothing at all; that my body belonged to him, to do with as he pleased; and that I would always treat him with respect (as he would me), and if I failed to do so, he would punish me.

Punish me…that was a little hard to swallow. But I did because I loved him. And respected him.

For an intimate relationship to succeed, it requires compromise, and doing our best to meet our partner’s wants and needs. Alpha made it his mission to know me inside and out, to know what the woman and little girl in me needed emotionally and physically to be happy, and he provided it. I knew I could do no less for him.

So I gave him my submission.

I kneel to him to show my respect. I wear his collar to symbolize his ownership of me. I take his hand and let him lead me down the “kinky” path to sexual fulfillment, sometimes a little hesitant as to where it may be going, but always sure he’ll keep me protected and safe.

Yes, I give him my submission. But he gives me so much more.

Arousal Non-concordance

Have you ever been really turned on, quivering and shaking, literally begging your Dom, “Please, please, please, fuck me now, Daddy (or Sir or Master)!” And he says, “Not yet, kitten (or whatever his pet name is for you), not till you’re soaking wet.” And you are not. Maybe he thinks you’re not aroused at all—after all, the proof is in the pudding…er…wetness of the pussy—when in fact you’re about to spontaneously combust.

Or your Dom wants you to try something new, and it doesn’t really do anything for you, but he thinks you’re not being honest because you got wet. Again, wetness = arousal.

This is called arousal non-concordance. It’s nothing new; science has been aware of it for quite some time. And it happens to both women and men, though a much higher percentage of women are affected. It happens when arousal (the subjective feeling of desire) and genital response differ.

All genital response says (in both women and men) is that the genitals are reacting to something they perceive as sexually relevant, and it doesn’t have to be something that turns you on. For instance, pressure against the genitals—think riding a bike or tight pants—can get a reaction. Even watching porn with content that disgusts you can trigger a response. And so can rape. Your genitals—not your brain—perceived a sexual relevance.

Arousal, which is the subjective feeling of desiring/enjoying a sexual activity, takes place in the brain, while genital response takes place in the genitals. And only about 10% of the time do they overlap in women. It’s around 50% of the time for men.

The beauty of D/s is that in this situation you have ample time for your body or mind to play catch-up, to sync. Sex in a D/s relationship is not hurried, it’s slow and sensual, an erotic feast of sensation. There’s no rush to the finish line.

Alpha believes in the school of thought that “foreplay begins after the last orgasm”. When we’re together, he constantly feeds my arousal through words, deeds, and touch, which are not necessarily of a sexual nature. He knows women, knows their arousal is very much based on emotion. He knows he needs to pull my mind and body together for us to have mind-blowing sex. And he knew this before either one of us had heard of arousal non-concordance.

I think arousal non-concordance is more of a problem for vanilla couples than ones who practice D/s, although it still can happen. But if it does, just slow down…maybe request a mind fuck (Works for me!), and reach for the lube. And above all, don’t stress about it.

Speak To Me

Speak to me in a whisper
Murmuring softly in my ear
Tell me you want me, tell me you need me
Tell me all the things I yearn to hear

Speak to me with your lips
Finding mine and drinking deep
Swear you want me, swear you need me
Swear that I’m yours to keep

Speak to me with your fingers
Trailing lightly across my skin
Make me want you, make me need you
Make me crave to hold you within

Speak to me with your hand
Stinging slaps upon my ass
Prove you want me, prove you need me
Prove that Daddy takes no sass

Speak to me with your tongue
Stroking hungrily between my legs
Force me to want you, force me to need you
Force me to plead and beg

Speak to me with your cock
Sliding inside the body you claimed
Compel me to want you, compel me to need you
Compel me to scream out your name

Speak to me with your cum
Shooting deep within my core
Mark me…I want you, mark me…I need you
Mark me and make me your whore

Speak to me with your heart
Pounding in rhythm with mine
Vow that you want me, vow that you need me
Vow that you will for all time

Speak to me with your soul
Using the language of emotion
Alpha, I want you, Alpha I need you
Alpha, you have my devotion

And you do, Daddy.❤️

Will You

I want to break loose
I want to be free
I want to run wild
Wolf, will you run with me?

I want to watch the moon rise
I want to walk the beach
I want to climb tall mountains
Wolf, will you climb with me?

I want to laugh at silly jokes
I want to talk till three
I want to read a book with someone
Wolf, will you read with me?

I want to be stalked and ravished
I want to be bent over knee
I want to be owned by my mate
Wolf, will you own me?

I want to be protected and safe
I want to be in a place I feel no need to flee
I want to be loved beyond reason
Wolf, will you forever love me?