Alpha’s Bawdy Word Play: (13th edition)

[Alpha’s modern version of bawdy rhymes and erotica similar to vaudeville and burlesque.] 

 

Sir’s new her
He said he wished to feel her
She said, I’ll probably scream, sir
It was truly nice to feel her
It was quite nice, I thank you, sir

I desired again to touch her
Well, pray tell, how much, sir?
A hell of a lot he said to her
Only if you’re Johnny-on-the-spot, sir

My get-up-and-go is up for her
You’re going much too far, sir
No such place he said to her
You’re teetering on disgrace, sir

Gambling, I’m now all-in her
My mind does swoon and spin, sir
From the start I chose to arouse her
But you carouse without the heart, sir

I think I feel love for her
You’re feeling friction when you move, sir
And I feel a willingness in her
Only for that which you’ll be spilling, sir

I knew that I could have her
I fear it’s your wife that’s been had, sir
Another taste of forbidden fruit with her
Ow! That’s my never-ridden hole, sir!

The cream of the crop for her
From pain to pleasure, don’t stop, sir
Tis’ too divine, I shall not fare in her
Better tow-the-line since you dared, sir

No more amiss, I last, then cum in her
Tis’ utter bliss, a blast, and fun, sir
Now on with life I bid adieu to her
First, a message from your wife…
She’s divorcing you, sir

Peg Leg Paulette
Peg Leg Paulette is not what you think, so don’t bet
She never lost a limb, but one day she had a whim
To pick up a whip and flog a man with a sassy lip
She also used a belt, and a cane to leave a welt
It opened her eyes to a world where fantasy lies
And the cries of pain are a pleasure strain
A Domme she became in the treasured game
Where her sly little wink tells of joy within her kink
When she straps on her leg, the one she named Peg
And revels in the treat, while pegging her sub’s seat
Long and hard till satisfaction is complete

Crafty Cat
There was a crafty cat
That always knew where it was at
And where was what
Of the latest scuttlebutt
On how to get the most tit for tat

Alpha’s Bawdy Word Play: Pt.12

[Alpha’s modern version of bawdy word play and erotica similar to the burlesque and vaudeville periods.]

Majestic
The richest royal apparel
Is but filthy rags and shoddy
When compared to that which it covers
The majestic human body

Give and Take
Hush, hush
Don’t be in such a rush
Push, push
Right in that sexy tush
Squeeze, squeeze
You’re being a little tease
Degrees, degrees
There’s levels when you please
Moan, moan
There’s pleasure in this groan
Spank, spank
A measure to which you’ll atone
Alone, alone
Nevermore as Dom and sub
Suck, suck
You on the knob, me on the nub
Give and take
Our D/s dynamic, let’s quiver and quake
Take and give
Forevermore, it’s how we wish to live

Peg Leg Pete
Peg Leg Pete couldn’t stand on his feet
Cuz’ one foot was all that he had
His right foot was lost, a rather steep cost
To find his talent as a whaler was all bad
His ankle went later, chomped off by a ‘gator
The incident made him rather irate
While he did heal, another piece became a meal
Shin and calf went to a shark as shark bait
He’s now a land-lubber, with a penchant for rubber
A major stockholder in a trendy dick-slicker
Condom Man his moniker, protecting the doniker
Though he always goes unsheathed as a pussy-licker

Alpha’s Bawdy Word Play: 11th edition

[Alpha’s modern version of bawdy word play and erotica like the vaudeville and burlesque period.]

 

Ravished
You dirty cad
You’re being so bad
So vile and so forward
Another broken promise
Never again will I trust your word
You scoundrel
You boar
You’re the type I deplore
Your straying hands…
Away, I say
How they grope and tear
Leaving my bosom bare
You paw me like a horny dog
I swoon with fear and lustful fog
As you seek more between my thighs
You hear my moans but not my cries
How rude and vile to ravish me more
But, pray tell, are you sure you’ve locked the door?

Hidey Hole
Blue skies above
Green grass below
Just right for picnic games
Playing Hidey Hole
You show me your pet snake
It loves the stroke and roll
But not as much as a super blow
In my first Hidey Hole
Then it takes a Southern trip
Just how far does it go?
It goes deep—repeatedly
Making my next Hidey Hole…purr
“Thank you, sir,” I say
“But where does your snake now stray?”
“Behind you, dear,” he says
“Like a spear it’ll pierce your rear”
This Hidey Hole he won’t soon leave
He’ll fuck it the rest of the day

Elusive Bliss
There isn’t much to see when you’re raised in a barrio
But every boy in the ‘hood would pay to see my sister, Rosa Ario
If you want her to shed her panties
You each have to up your antes
Cuz’ we work as a team; I’m the flesh peddling impresario

I stimulate their lust addiction with girls that show too much
But always leaving them wanting more; they can look but not touch
Yes, I tease to please with my sis
I sell the ever-elusive bliss
But for those that cross the line, even their cocks will need a crutch

The Nerd
The little dweeb came up to me acting like a player
Wearing silk with a wad of condoms; he fancies himself a love slayer
But platform shoes and an Elvis toupee’
The Woody Allen look his only woody today
Guarantees this nerd hasn’t got a prayer

What’s that? A million dollars! Right this way, honey-bunch
You don’t have to be a player…
With enough cash to be a payor

Symbiotic

I don’t want you to change
I fell in love with you as you are
I yearn for you to kneel before me
But to do so out of love and respect
Not as a fearful servant
Or robotic slave
I yearn to fulfill your wants and needs
While keeping you protected and safe
It’s my natural inclination
A dominant personality
Dominant—not domineering
And I’m thrilled by your strength
That you’ve made your way in this world
I respect you for it
Plus, you know I enjoy the challenge
Of a strong, intelligent, and talented woman
With stimulating conversation—
Both in and out of the bedroom
The type of man I am
I would lose respect for myself
Having a sub forced to kneel out of fear
But a sub that willing submits, obeys, and kneels
Out of love, respect, and reverence
Touches me to my very core
It’s a symbiotic relationship
Submit to me willingly…and I’m yours forever

Alpha’s Bawdy Word Play: 10th Edition

Alpha’s modern version of Bawdy Word Play & Erotica similar to the Vaudeville & Burlesque periods.

 

When You…
When you think it an arrow
I shall rest it in your quiver
When you think it a lance
I shall spear thee till you shiver
When you think it a missile
I shall target only you
When you think it a wand
Its magic will prove itself true
When you think it a dart
It will always hit its mark
When you think it a beacon
It will always light up your dark
When you think it a toy
It will bring you constant joy
When you think it a bottle
You can drink all its elixir
And when you think it a tool
It will be your relationship fixer
As a pleasure and pain mixer

Dandy Dan
Dandy Dan took dick in hand
To top-off a fantasy
Cuz’ Dandy Dan is a randy ol’ man
Who digs fantasies are free
But if fantasies cost
Dan would really be lost
Like a man that is sauced
In a chilled winter frost
Too frigid to be stiff and rigid
Thus, denied his fantasies

Rowdy Rob
Rowdy Rob used to be a slob
Till he shined up his knob and it grew
The shiny knob attracts each maid
So, they keep his place spotless like new
After all, Rowdy Rob may have been a slob…
But he ain’t no fool

Coexisting
Terri’s eyes were insisting
as Ted’s hand was wrist deep in her cunt twisting
this way and that…giving her a fisting.
As his sub she does no resisting,
as if subsisting
on the pain and pleasure; a coexisting
symbiotic relationship.
The D/s dynamic persisting
throughout: the Dominant insisting
while assisting
fulfillment of the sub’s wants and needs.
The wants and needs preexisting
in the personalities of the partners enlisting
each other’s inter-twisting
fetish—that of sadist and masochist—
for the mutual satisfaction now existing.